How can a young woman trying to be modest?

/in , , /by

54ds

Question: I am a young woman at the university and I observe the veil. I notice certain things in my classmates that are closer to unlawfulness than to lawfulness. Some of them justify their relations with young men in the university as they will be their future husbands. It is clear that they deceive themselves with this speech. Many of them are in love with some youths and then after some time they decide to be in love with others according to their youthful fancies. Frankly, I say that the Satan whispers to me in these environments and he is about to defeat me. I do not know how to match my religion with the pressing physical needs in such an exciting environment! Would you please suggest a solution for me? It is worth mentioning that there are many other girls like myself but they are too shy to express themselves.

The answer: I will begin answering from the end of your question and say: dear sister, shyness is the strongest fort that protects chastity. A girl is precious due to her chastity, gravity, shyness, and veil. If these noble qualities are lost, the value of a girl is lost and she becomes a worthless thing even in the eyes of deceitful men. Who can accept that the partner of his life should be a girl whom the hands of other men have touched or whose charms their suspicious eyes have seen?

This thought is stronger in faithful men who have jealousy and dignity. Allah has honored woman, given her a high position, protected her with veil, and planted in her shyness to resist those who consider her as a cheap good. The corruption, which has spread everywhere and which has been planned by Zionism and its followers, has deprived girls of their shyness and made them the main source of deviation, family problems, and spouse troubles.

Woman has been preferred to man with ninety-nine portions of pleasure but Allah has granted shyness to her, as it has been mentioned in a tradition narrated from Imam as-Sadiq (a.s.). The media and the satellite TV stations, which resist the religion of Allah and fight moral values, have deprived woman of her shyness and then she has become excited, destroying the tranquility of families and bringing them numerous problems. Is it right for Muslim girls to cause this torment and destruction for the lives of young men and the lives of married men and married women?

When a university girl, from whom it is supposed that her scientific level will prevent her from doing wrong, puts off her veil and uncovers her charms, she does wrong against herself, people, and families. When she excites men’s lusts and attracts their hearts towards her, they cannot get her or they feel shy to approach her and tell the truth; therefore, their wishes and desires accumulate inside themselves, and later on their relations with their wives and children become strangled and then disagreements and quarrels take place that may end in divorce and the loss of children as often happens.

Let this unveiled girl, who does such wrongs to families, not forget that one day when she gets married to live tranquilly with her husband and children, another girl will come to influence her husband’s reason and emotions and will bring her life storms of problems. It has been mentioned in traditions, ‘As you condemn (others) you are condemned (by others).’ And this is what the imperialists want when they spread debauchery, shameful fashions, nightclubs, ballrooms, and immoral songs.

Let these girls also not forget that they do wrong towards knowledge when they excite lust in the university and school by busying the youths’ senses and their own senses and direct the attentions towards unlawful things, and then minds and hearts will have no inclination towards knowledge and its deep matters. Therefore, most university graduates are without good abilities.

Unveiledness, displaying of charms, and distracting hearts with immoralities – whether by young men or young women – are considered to be a great crime against man, family, society, religion, knowledge, and progress.

What do you think the punishment of this great crime will be on the Day of Resurrection?

The Prophet (S) of this umma, which has become detached from its religion, answers this question with his tears. Let every girl and woman who belongs to this religion ponder over the following tradition.

Imam Ali (a.s.) has said, ‘Once, Fatima and I went to the messenger of Allah (S) and found him crying bitterly. I asked, ‘O messenger of Allah, may my father and mother be sacrificed for you! What makes you cry?’

He said, ‘O Ali, on the night (of ascension) when I was ascended to the Heaven, I saw some women from my community in great torment. I denied their affair. I cried when I saw the severe torment they suffered. I saw a woman hanging by her hair while her brain was boiling. I saw another one hanging by her tongue while boiling fluid was poured onto her back. I saw another woman hanging by her breasts and another one eating her own flesh while the fire was lit under her. I saw another one with her legs and hands tied together while snakes and scorpions were set against her. I saw a blind, deaf, and dumb woman in a coffin of fire while her brain came out of her nose and her body was cut because of leprosy. I saw a woman hung by her legs in an oven of fire. I saw a woman who was cutting her flesh from behind and in front of her with scissors of fire. I saw a woman with her face and hands being burned while she was eating her intestines. I saw a woman with a head of a pig and a body of a donkey suffering a million kinds of torments. I saw a woman who was like a dog while fire entered into her back and came out of her mouth while the angels beat her head and body with bats of fire.’

Fatima (a.s.) said, ‘O dear father, would you please tell me what those women have done so that Allah has placed them in such torments?’

The Prophet (S) said, ‘Dear daughter, as for the one who was hanging by her hair, she did not cover her hair before men (in the worldly life). The one who was hanging by her tongue hurt her husband. The one who was hanging by her breasts refrained from sleeping with her husband. The one who was hanging by her legs went out of her house without her husband’s permission. The one who ate her own flesh adorned herself for men other than her husband. The one whose hands and legs were tied together and snakes and scorpions were set against her was dirty (in the worldly life) with filthy clothes and she did not make ablution after janabah37and menstruation, did not cleanse herself, and paid no attention to her prayers. The one who was blind, deaf, and dumb gave birth to children out of adultery and ascribed them to her husband. The one who cut her flesh with scissors of fire offered herself to men. The one whose face and body were burned while eating her intestines was a pimp. The one whose head resembled that of a pig and her body resembled that of a donkey was a talebearer and liar. The one who was like a dog and fire entered from her back and came out of her mouth was a singer, weeper, and envier.’

Then Imam Ali (a.s.) said commenting on the Prophet’s speech, ‘Woe unto a woman who makes her husband angry and blessed is she who makes her husband pleased with her.’

Following the Islamic rulings and good morals, reviving one’s conscience, and thinking of death and the punishment on the Day of Resurrection are motivations to keep women, men, families, and societies safe from many dangers and corruptions.

Dear sister, what you see at the university, in material societies, in bad films, in the street, at the shores, or in any other place is to test your will and your faith in your religion. The value of a man becomes higher when being tried by difficulties in these areas. So you should be patient, stick to your studies, and continue on the way to success so that you will taste the sweetness of patience and straightforwardness throughout your life for Allah will not waste the reward of the patient.

This is what you notice in this tradition reported from Imam as-Sadiq (a.s.), though it addresses males but it concerns women too. Imam as-Sadiq (a.s.) says, ‘Whoever looks at a woman and raises his sight towards the sky or closes his eyes, his sight will not come back to him until Allah will marry him to houris.’

The tradition can be read in this way “whoever looks at a young man and raises her sight towards the sky or closes her eyes her sight will not come back to her until Allah will marry her to immortal youths (who remain young).’

Of course, this will be in Paradise, which one sets out towards from the first night in the grave, but the results of that before death are comfort and peace of the heart that bring good and respect in this life whenever you remember your purity and strong will.

If we suppose that there is a faithful young woman who cannot put a moral veil between her and the young men around her, and she wants, in order to keep some things more important, to have an honest relationship with a faithful young man who can be her husband in the future, then she can agree with him to a temporary marriage agreement where they both can recite its specific formula and then they would be better satisfied with talking with each other, without being alone or sleeping together. In other words, lawful relations should be bound by a legal agreement within their pressing needs and without going farther than that, for a virgin girl may open her eyes to find that she has lost the most precious thing she has and then she will live with black memories, sadly and melancholy!

Because this possibility may also happen to a virgin girl in a temporary marriage, most of our jurisprudents have prohibited it strongly. Therefore, I do not advise you to do a temporary marriage unless you fear falling into sin, in which case some of our jurisprudents have permitted it

What Islam says about masturbation?

/in , , /by

 3-160312221502363Question: What is the situation of Islam towards masturbation? Some youths say that doctors think it has no harm.

The answer: Not all that doctors say is true. There are other doctors that say the opposite. What is important to us is what our Wise Creator says. He is more aware of His creatures. Islam, which is the speech of Allah, is clear in its verdicts. The Prophet (S) and his progeny have prohibited it.

Masturbation is a filthy doing. Some traditions have called it as “adultery with oneself”. It does not fit the dignity of a respectable man. The clearest evidence on its ugliness is that the doer feels disgust with himself after finishing this act.

Islam does not prohibit a thing unless it has a great harm. In this concern, masturbation weakens the sexual ability at the time when it is needed in marriage. This weakness appears in the sudden ejaculation or that the penis does not stand erect during making love, and this mortifies sexual pleasure and kills marital happiness, which, consequently excites the nerves of the wife and the husband and then their lives enter into the tunnel of problems and troubles.

Doctors think that one of the causes for itching in the genitals and the area around them is masturbation. This makes one who practices masturbation rub his genitals even before others. Among the harms of this bad habit are leanness, headache, sudden exhaustion, and fatigue.

These harms cause a dangerous psychological state that leads one to worry, melancholy, loneliness, and complexes, which are the factors of final failure.

Incidentally, I remember that in 1984 in India, Bombay, a young man from the Arab Gulf countries committed suicide by throwing himself from the window of a hotel, and the reason, as it was said, was that he became angry at his sexual failure (and that his sword could not stretch in his bitter sexual fighting) with an Indian prostitute. He took a knife, cut his genitals, and threw himself into Hell and the evil destination!

I do not think that colonialists, the producers of sex films, and the doctors, who are bound by these circles, want something for the youth besides this failure and collapse!

Dear young man, do you understand now why Islam has prohibited this bad habit?

The Prophet (S) has said, ‘He who makes love with his hand is cursed.’

Imam as-Sadiq (a.s.) has said, ‘There are three persons, whom Allah will not talk to, look at, or purify and who will get painful torment on the Day of Resurrection; one who plucks out his white hairs (shaves his beard), one who makes love with himself (practices masturbation), and one who is sodomized on.’

We must mention here that the prohibition of masturbation does not concern males only, but females also are not permitted to practice it.

How great the situation of Imam Ali (a.s.) was towards someone who had been accused of practicing masturbation! Imam Ali (a.s.) would beat him on his hand until it turned red and them he would make him marry by giving him money from the treasury.

Dear brother, I feel that you wish you were in an Islamic state which was ruled by someone like Imam Ali (a.s.) who would marry you from the revenue of the treasury that was specified for the welfare of the Muslims!

I say: take me with you in your wishes! Ali and his Islamic state remain as two orphaned examples on the page of history!

source :for a better future

How should we begin relationships with women and satisfy needs in the process of finding a spouse?

/in , , /by

 Question: I frankly say that we, the young men of nowadays, see, hear, and understand the sexual matters that our fathers might have understood when they became thirty years old, and simply somehow. In this age, everything excites. The means of practicing sex, in most countries, are available even to children. What is the view of Islam concerning satisfying this pressing lust that our fathers do not understand?

The answer: We understand this feeling with all its details, and there is no shyness in religion. Thank you for your daring question and your search for the view of Islam about this important subject.

The natural inclination between man and woman has deep roots and is connected with the creation of man and woman, because Allah has made it as a bridge for the life of humankind to continue by reproduction on the earth. On the other hand, if this inclination is not satisfied, excited nerves become tired, and this is a continuous torture for both man and woman.

Looking, laughing, flirting, gestures, and soft tones excite and move the fiery sexual lust and cause torture for both the excited and the exciter. Every one understands this fact.

Such excitements make some husbands unsatisfied with their wives, and this leads to divorce and the destruction of families. The same is said about some wives who look at men, who are more handsome than their husbands, for the sake of pleasure and lust.

This is in our societies that are aloof from their Islam, but as for the western societies and their cultures of libertinism, sexual inclination has had an ardent color for the past century and then has developed into a scientific method through profound researches and studies in the fields of education and psychological medicine.

There is no doubt that politicians and businessmen, who have great capitals in the world, have played their malicious roles in exploiting the sexual lusts to bind peoples and societies and draw them towards their financial benefits.

Islam has its own view towards this natural instinct and its unique method in responding to it. Islam has established teachings and principles to achieve a balanced conduct in satisfying the sexual instinct and to arrive at the best method, which protects man from deviation and problems that can destroy families and their happiness.

Islam does not suppress the sexual lust, but it rectifies it and offers it to be satisfied with the best educational manners to save the entity of family from dissolution and destruction. A good family that follows Islam produces good children, who stand against the corruptions surrounding them in society.

Islam does not neglect the requirements of the sexual instinct, but instead Islam makes it submissive to man instead of subjecting man to the Satan and degrading his dignity and honor to make him as a worthless beast.

O young men, whoever submits to his lusts without limits is not free but is in fact a slave to his lusts. Free people are those who control their lusts that they could satisfy in any way but they do not do so.

Imam Ali (a.s.) said, ‘Whoever leaves lusts is free.’

He also said, ‘The worst enemies of man are his anger and lust. Whoever controls them is exalted and he reaches his aims.’

Since woman, as a whole, is beauty and excitement in her voice and doings, Islam has ordered her not to show her beauty, not to soften her voice, and not to do exciting gestures except for her husband.

We read in the Qur’an that Allah the Almighty has forbidden the Prophet’s wives from talking to foreigners with exciting tones that might move their lusts and then those with diseased hearts might covet them.

(O wives of the Prophet! you are not like any other of the women; If you will be on your guard, then be not soft in (your) speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease yearn; but speak a good word)26.

Softening in speech, exciting gestures, joking, and jesting or any thing that is lawful only between a wife and her husband or a woman and her mahram, are not lawful to take place between a woman and a foreign man 27 in order to not be as the beginning towards something else.

The Holy Qur’an also teaches us the manners of family and social relations between men and women in this way, (And when you ask of them (the wives of the Prophet) anything, ask it of them from behind a curtain. That is purer for your hearts and for their hearts)28.

These are the Islamic facts that the Muslims must pay attention to, but the reality that the society lives in is something else; and the question of the youth shows they are looking for an Islamic resolution according to the actual reality of the society.
Here, we advise of the following:

1. Early marriage; and if it is not possible due to a reasonable excuse, a young man should be patient and should fast, but if the lust overcomes him and he fears committing sin, he should practice temporary marriage until Allah makes him able to marry in eternal marriage.

2. Fathers and mothers have to understand these facts and comprehend the sexual needs of the youth in the lawful way; otherwise, parents unknowingly throw their children into corruption, and hence they will be punished on the Day of Resurrection with two punishments; one for prohibiting a lawful thing and the other for causing the youth to become involved in sin.

How can a young person suppress lust and the sins that come from it?

/in , , /by

sinQuestion: I have a friend who is lustful. Once, he asked me how he should suppress his lust lest he should become involved in even more sins. I told him, ‘I do not know, but I shall bring you an answer that benefits you inshallah.’ O Sheikh, would you please explain to him and those like him what can save them from these dangers? I myself know that, in general, many young men secretly practice different kinds of unlawful lusts without thinking of their destructive ends.

The answer: The sexual lust is one of the most dangerous lusts in man. This does not mean that Islam wants to suppress or extinguish it. Islam has a moderate method in guiding this lust towards the aim that it has been created for, which is marriage and then reproduction in order to keep the existence of humankind continuous on the earth. Without this great aim, there would be no need for this lust to be created by Allah the Almighty and consequently there would be no continuance of life for man at all. The sexual lust is planted in man for the sake of this noble purpose.

As for your friend, his case may be irregular; therefore, he should:

1. visit a specialist doctor.

2. avoid looking at what excites his lust.

3. always remember the terrible end of unlawfulness and its perishing consequences.

4. know the value of himself as a human being and that he is not a beast and should know that panting after lusts degrades him.

5. prepare himself to get married at the first opportunity and without difficult material conditions and if he cannot, he should practice temporary marriage, but not make it as his basic aim.

6. practice sports that fit his wish and physical abilities.

7. starve himself (by fasting, for example) because hunger weakens lust, whereas food nourishes it.

8. ponder on the following Qur’anic verses and act according to them, (But there came after them an evil generation, who neglected prayers and followed lusts, so they will meet perdition. Save him who shall repent and believe and do right. Those will enter the Garden, and they will not be wronged in aught. Gardens of Eden, which the Beneficent hath promised to His slaves in the unseen. Lo! His promise is ever sure of fulfillment. They shall not hear therein any vain discourse, but only Peace, and they shall have their sustenance therein morning and evening. This is the Garden which We cause the devout among Our bondmen to inherit)

source:for a better future

After many hardships in life, I suffer from psychological problems and have thought of suicide at times. How can I get help?

/in , , /by

1920Question: I was one of the Mujahidin who fought in the way of Allah. Defeats and disagreements led me to the life of refugees. My family members were killed in the ill-fated Iraq. I was in a failed marriage that ended with divorce. I have a little daughter who kept crying during our emigration. I have become nervous. I cannot tolerate hearing any loud sound. Whenever I remember the misfortunes I have met with in my life, I feel the way to a normal life and comfortable mentality is closed for me. Sometimes I think of suicide, but because of my daughter, I have not committed this unlawful murder. I do not know what to do. I can tolerate neither people nor myself. Where shall I go? I do not know!

The answer: Dear brother, man’s life is composed of hours; in some of them, he is glad, and in others he is distressed. In the first case, he should thank Allah for the blessings and in the second case, he must be patient and busy himself with supplicating to Allah instead of sinking into worry and melancholy because of disappointment. When man remembers the painful events that have happened to him, he should hasten to delete them from his mind, but he should take lessons from them so that they should not happen again. If it is the will of Allah, man must submit and be satisfied and content with what Allah has determined.

Dear brother, thinking negatively and sinking into the bitter past can destroy your future, which may be free of bitterness. This gloomy thinking exposes your spiritual and mental health to dangers, which, surely, you do not want.

You ask me how to overcome this destructive thinking and save yourself from the floods of negative ideas that keep you away from constructive thinking for a better future.

I say:

First, think of your hidden abilities and talents, because man is a spring of powers, and at any time, he can decide to get something out of this spring!

Second, do not think that you have reached a closed way and that there is no solution for you except to be buried under the piles of misfortunes, bitter memories, and fatal pangs, because such thinking means despairing of the mercy of Allah. Perhaps, this thinking may be the very cause of your feeling that the way is closed before you.

Third, while alone, sit and remember your successful and good deeds in life! Ponder on the bright pages of your life, for no one is free from such pages! If you do not remember anything of that, it is enough for you to remember the blessing of breathing you have now. Thank Allah and rely on Him to use this blessing in gaining a success that may recompense what has gone!

Fourth, diagnose your state and know your position due to your ambition! Instead of remorse, blaming yourself, and repeating desperate interrogative words like (why, when, how, if…), diagnose the points of your weakness and determine to change them into points of strength, and instead of blaming others, perform your actual duties, and use your physical and spiritual powers in this way! In order to have good deeds, avoid the bad deed of destroying yourself or others!

Fifth, if it is necessary to talk to others about the misfortunes you have faced, find someone who is able to understand your sufferings and gives you a spiritual cure by relieving words. Do this, especially if you feel that not talking about your sufferings brings you another complex!

Sixth, if your problem is something like sin, know well that Allah has opened the door of repentance before sinners and said, (Surely Allah loves those who turn to Him)22. Hasten to the shadow of His love, for Allah is sufficient for His servant when he turns to Him!

Seventh, improve your thinking and get new information about what you need in your life, because knowledge is a light that illuminates one’s way and takes him to a better condition! Thus was the Prophet (S), who was the most aware among all of the creatures in existence. He often supplicated to Allah by saying, ‘My Lord! Increase my knowledge’. Continuing a search for knowledge is necessary to help man out of his psychological distresses and bitter memories.

Eighth, forget the bitter past, pardon whoever has done you wrong, expect your reward from Allah tomorrow (on the Day of Resurrection), and ask Him to forgive you if you are mistaken or unjust while unaware of this! Pardoning and leniency make your life easy and relieve your heart, so why do you not pardon those with whom you have disagreed?

The Prophet (S) has said, ‘Whoever casts spite out of his heart, Allah increases his livelihood.’ Livelihood here is more encompassing than material and moral blessings.

Dear brother, it is a big mistake to trouble our lives and cause pain to those around us in our family or workplace because of the sufferings of our past or because of spite towards others.

Come on! Let us cast hatred, spite, and our failed experiments out of ourselves and live the rest of our lives peacefully and happily!

Dear brother, be merciful to the remaining hours of your age and do not burn them in the fire of your nervousness! Throw those painful scenes and sad memories away! You cannot change them, for they have already happened and are out of your control! However, you can change yourself for what remains of your future because it has not happened yet. Your future is still under your control and the change begins from the present, which is this moment and not a moment later!

Ninth, not all people are bad. Get married again and be more particular in choosing your wife! Tell her frankly about your past and that you have determined to lead a good and honest life! Tell her that you are looking for a helper with whom to spend your life, with love and mercy, and this is also the right of your innocent child!

Tenth, adhere to supplication and pondering over the words of the Ahlul Bayt (a.s.), for mentioning Allah according to the way of those whom Allah has purified from uncleanness relieves the heart. Then, you will drive the evil whispering of the Satan and your bad thoughts of suicide, which will throw you into the eternal Fire, away from your self. Patience with the problems of this life is much easier than patience with the fire of Hell. The first patience is possible and it leads you to Paradise and the eternal bliss, while the second is bitterer than bitterness and it keeps you in the eternal torment of Fire.

Eleventh, be certain that (Surely with difficulty is ease. Surely with difficulty is ease). This repetition of the verse emphasize that distresses have ends.

Imam Ali (a.s.) said to Qayss bin Sa’d, who had come to him from Egypt, ‘O Qayss, distresses have ends that they must get to. A reasonable one must be patient with them until they end, because suffering from them when they come increases them.24’

Twelfth, always think of the reward you will get for your patience when you will come to Allah alone! Will the patient not enter into Paradise without reckoning?

How can I abandon sins that are habitual for me, mend family relationships, and guide against fanaticism?

/in , , /by

Question: I have a religious brother, but he is too fanatic in his religiousness. With his behaviors, he does more wrong to religion than good. I am a victim of his extreme behaviors. I have committed a major sin, but instead of getting good advice from him, he chided, threatened, and insulted me. Therefore, pride carried me off to sin until I committed more sins, though I knew that I was mistaken. Now, where there is no relation between him and me, I feel regretful before Allah the Almighty, but I cannot give up the sins that I have become accustomed to. I want you to guide me to a way that I can save myself before my death comes. I have had enough of all this stubbornness and pride. I also want you to advise those like my brother, who are fanatic under the name of religion, in order to not be a cause for the youth to deviate and turn away from religion. By Allah, our religion is the best of religions if we follow it as it is.

The answer: Dear young man, O you with pure nature, allow rent to whether or not it is tru brother that has been said by the guardian of religion, the master of the pious, the example of the faithful, Imam Ali (a.s.). It has the answer: you want and the proper guidance for your brother and his like.

“Those who do not commit sins and have been gifted with safety (from sins) should have pity on sinners and other disobedient people. Gratefulness should be mostly their indulgence and it should prevent them from finding faults with others. So what about the backbiter who blames his brother and finds fault with him? Does he not remember that Allah has concealed the sins which he committed while they were bigger than his brother’s sins pointed out by him? How can he vilify him about his sins when he himself has committed one like it? Even if he has not committed a similar sin he must have committed bigger ones. By Allah, even if he did not commit big sins but he committed only small sins, his exposing the sins of people is itself a big sin. O slave of Allah, do not be quick in exposing anyone’s sin for he may be forgiven for it, and do not feel yourself safe even for a small sin because you may be punished for it. Therefore, every one of you who comes to know the faults of others should not expose them in view of what he knows about his own faults, and he should remain busy in thanks that he has been saved from what others have been afflicted with”21.

As for you dear brother, your despair of being able to get out of the circle of sins is itself a great sin. First, I want you to cast your despair away and pay attention to the rest of your life, which may be a year, a month, a week, a day, some minutes, or more or less. Allah, the Aware of what there is in the hearts, knows! In private, be sincere to yourself and think attentively that if you die while disobedient, will Allah accept your excuse for staying sinful?

You had better come back to your abilities that you have ignored because of your obstinacy to your brother and because of his mistake towards you. Activate these abilities and be active with them! Offer to those who consider themselves religious whereas religion is free from them a true example of religion and a beautiful picture of a religious man!

In this book and other books of ours and in those of other good scholars, you can find what lights your way. Get up! Paradise, with its eternal life and pleasures, is waiting for the pure repentant. If you turn to Allah sincerely with your repentance, you will find Him the best Helper Who will help you get out of the sins, which you think difficult to do.

Dear brother, know well that it is the Satan, who casts in your heart weakness and despair to make you follow him and remain in his camp that marches towards Hell. Do you want to accompany him to the Fire and the severe torment?

I pray to Allah to protect you and me from the Satan and the Fire. As for your situation with your brother, I ask you to delete the picture in your mind about him. Go and make up with him! This high morale gets you closer to Allah and suppresses your self to not take you towards evil. Be certain that with this behavior, great blessings from the Heaven will refresh your life, and this is my hope for you.

source:for a better future

How may we help someone who suffered a psychological trauma that caused him to withdraw?

/in , , /by

traumaQuestion: In my family, I have a nephew who has been psychologically shocked. Most of the time, he is silent and he likes to be alone. He speaks or reacts little in family meetings. His father says that he was not like that before. Please, tell us how we should deal with him and save him!

The answer: Melancholy, silence, introversion, and absent-mindedness are psychological diseases that begin with real reasons and then grow with illusions and imaginations. They are diseases of the societies that are subject to psychological shocks and material competitions. One who is afflicted may not understand the dangers of such diseases, but others can perceive the dangers in him through signs such as:

1. Feeling continuous fatigue

2. Low productivity if he is a worker or low comprehension if he is a student

3. Insomnia

4. Pains in the stomach, the back, and muscles

5. Pessimism

6. Passing judgments based on assumptions, emotions, and anger

7. Feeling guilty

8. Tending to be alone

9. Being confused and hesitant

10. Keeping silent

As a cure, family members should, if they see these signs, do the following:

1. They should be aware of the problem of this afflicted one and what he feels so hat he may declare what he suffers. If he does not declare his suffering, they should try, through indirect means, to identify his mental pain.

2. If he begins to declare his sufferings, they should attend to him by listening to him so that he perceives they are responsive to and care for him.

3. They should suggest some new works for him to do.

4. They should take him, after receiving his permission, to a specialist doctor.

5. They should take him to parks and the like for amusement.

6. They should try to give him hope and self-confidence by respecting him, offering him presents, and being friendly with him.

7. They should engage him in certain things and involve him in some works that he would gradually do willingly.

8. They should make him associate with a religious scholar who has a luminous spirit and bright morals.

source:for a better future

How do I properly deal with losing my temper so that I neither abuse others nor make myself ill from swallowing my anger?

/in , , /by

 temperQuestion: I suffer from suddenly becoming excited and angry. Please tell me, when I am angry, which way should I follow: should I suppress my anger or should I cast it on the ones who have caused it by shouting at and abusing them? Can you suggest to me a third alternative? I do not like the second way, though I follow it, and as for the first way, I fear that pangs may cause me to have heart failure or an apoplexy, and I do not want to die or become paralyzed. Please, show me the right way!

The answer: Up until twenty years ago, psychologists thought that it was better for man’s physical health for him to cast his anger on others instead of suppressing it and suffering from its destructive psychological and physical effects. But nowadays, this theory has become weak before the evidences of the scientists who believe that worry, psychological turmoil, spite, and internal contradictions between mind and desires cause physical diseases and especially heart failure whether man suppresses his anger or casts it onto others. However, scientists do not deny the fatal effect of the suppression of anger.

But Islam has a third way. It is by following these steps:

1. Change your position or place when you become angry and excited by sitting if you are standing, standing if you are sitting, or leaving the place for another open place and breathing as deeply as possible while raising and lowering the hands slowly!

2. Think of the greatness of Allah and His ability to punish criminals and of His patience and forgiveness if they repent and do good!

3. If you can drive out your anger from yourself through a shout or some tears shed in private, it would be better for you.

4. Look forward to the reward of Allah and think of the good end that Allah has promised the patient!

5. Impartially study the problem that has caused you to become angry, and even if the cause isn’t yours, confess your mistake and turn back to your reason. This will comfort you because sincerity is the way to deliverance!

6. In your study of your anger and melancholy, ask yourself the following questions and reflect deeply on the answers:

Is the matter so important that it justifies all this suffering?

Does the problem disappear with anger, anxiety, or pain?

Is your personality more important or responding to anger and taking revenge?

Does the one whom you become angry at and abuse have no dignity that he would defend himself by quarreling or does he suppress himself and suffer from pain like yours? Is this the cure?

Dear Muslim young man, put these points before you now and walk in your new way; it is a happy way.

source :for a better future

How do I make myself to be content?

/in , , /by

Question: I know that contentment is the cause of psychological ease and the way to attain happiness, but the question is: how can I be from the people of satisfaction and contentment?

The answer:

1. Thank Allah for every blessing especially for those that others do not have!

2. Do not yearn for the pleasures that other people have!

3. When someone criticizes you, accept his criticism and do not stickle or deny it while you know your state well! I do not mean that you should acknowledge whatever people tell you even if it is not true, but I mean that you have to accustom yourself to accept criticism from others and not to attack the advisors. The very acceptance of criticism and gratitude to a criticizer is a high moral value. In other words, you have to accustom yourself to accept criticism while indifferent to whether or not it is true because this is a civil feature and a practical invitation to reject violence and dictatorship which are the causes of most of our misfortunes.

4. Take lessons from your mistakes!

5. Adapt yourself to every problem you face! Accommodation is a successful way to get rid of problems or to limit their destructive effects.

6. Try to be truthful to yourself and kind to others, for a double-faced person is unsuccessful!

7. Offer your love, kindness, and help to even those who do not offer such things to you!

8. Always think of what you shall ultimately meet, whether willingly or unwillingly! I mean death and the afterlife because death divides man into two parts: one part remains in the earth until the Day of Resurrection, and the other part is sent to Heaven until the hour of Punishment.

9. Know well that the heart is a sacred sanctum; if you visit it at night and asked its Lord for your needs, He orders His angels: ‘Give him! It is I, Who have promised him, and it is I, Who carry out My promise. Have I not said, (And when My servants ask you concerning Me, then surely I am very near; I answer the prayer of the supplicant when he calls on Me, so they should answer My call and believe in Me that they may walk in the right way)20.

10. Be certain and do not forget that if man possessed the entire earth, he would be greedy to possess the heaven too, but when death comes, he finds himself with neither the earth nor the heaven! Then, for what is this greediness?

11. Always, remember the advantages of contentment and the disadvantages of greed!

12. To acquire these qualities, read about them in books and associate with those who have these qualities in their conducts!

With these points, I hope that you will arrive at your aim; and do not forget me in your prayers!

How do I help someone who values secular studies but not religion?

/in , , /by

helpQuestion: I have a friend, who does not dislike religion but he finds it difficult to adhere to during his university study. When I invite him to religion, he says, ‘I think it is better to spend my youth in studying until I attain a high degree in the medical field. When I graduate, open a clinic, get married, and arrange my material life in all sides, I shall begin thinking of my afterlife and keeping to religion.’ I hope that you will guide him and those like him to the right path with what is easy for the youth.

The answer: All of the religious teachings are easy because Allah, Who is aware of what benefits us and what harms us, has said in the Qur’an, (Allah desires ease for you, and He does not desire for you difficulty).

Dear ambitious brother, the problem has two dimensions:

The first is understanding this easy religion, about which the Prophet (S) often said proudly, ‘I have been sent with an easy and lenient Sharia’. Many people and many scholars do not know the truth of this religion and the way of following its teachings.

The second dimension is disregarding the true meanings of “easy” and “difficult”, which leads to mixing them up. Some people, for example, think that refraining from unlawful looking (at women) is difficult; therefore, they look because they consider that to be easier, but they do not know that this looking throws them into lustful imaginations when alone and then they fall into sin in different ways that weaken their concentration in study and work. Then the matter continues to get them to major sins and then problems fall on them one after the other. Their sufferings continue until they meet actual difficulties; whereas if they, from the very beginning, refrain from unlawful looking and do not consider it as a difficulty, they will not become involved in these difficulties, which they thought would be easy.

In this case, knowing religion correctly is the best way to practically distinguish between ease and difficulty. With this knowledge man can avoid difficulty and enjoy ease and then the way will become clear for him to achieve his material aims successfully. This is what religious people who act with reason and ambition experience. They have proven that there is no objection between true religion and modern science. In fact, the true religion complements modern science when it is used in its right place. There are many scientists in medicine, engineering, electronics, etc. who have put their abilities and talents at the service of injustice and corruption and harmed millions of people everywhere. However, if they were religious, they would have put their abilities in the way of justice and goodness, and so the societies would be safe from them, and people would pray to Allah to have mercy upon them, and besides that they would be happy in the afterlife.

Why does your friend think that it is difficult to adhere to religion and study in the university while he and we see, nowadays, religious young men studying in the European universities? Then, how about the universities in our own (Islamic) countries?

I fear for this university student the dangers of his reasoning, so I would like to draw his attention to the tradition narrated from Imam al-Baqir (a.s.) when he said, ‘This world is a market, in which some people profit and others lose.’ Let this brother see from which people he wants to be! Let him too ponder on this saying of Allah, (And say: Work; so Allah will see your work and (so will) His Messenger and the believers)

source:for a better future