What is the opinion of Islam about the period between the engagement and the wedding?

Question: What is the opinion of Islam about the period between the engagement and the wedding? Some people make the period too long and some make it short. Both have advantages and disadvantages.

The answer: The length of the period depends on the circumstances of the spouses. However, there are some manners that must be observed during this period:

1. Hearty love, intellectual closeness, and mutual visits between the families of the two spouses to better know each other and to strengthen the relations between them are recommended.

2. They should avoid all that may hurt this blessed relation; offensive words, insults, and bad behaviors that cause hatred must be avoided. If some of this takes place accidentally from any of the spouses, they should apologize, excuse each other, and determine not to do that mistake again.

3. The spouses should read books about marital relations to learn the principles, rights, and manners of marriage.

4. They should not mistrust each other or argue over every matter.

5. The wife should learn how to manage the affairs of her new house and should convince herself of her new responsibilities. The husband also has to undertake his new responsibilities outside the house and inside the house in helping his wife as much as he possibly can.

6. During this period, the spouses should avoid doing what should be done on the night of wedding!

7. It is better to make this period short.

8. They should take care of cleaning their bodies and getting rid of unpleasant smells, especially the smell of the mouth by brushing the teeth five times before every prayer, or at least three times, before and after sleeping, and after lunch. They should use perfumes because the Prophet (S) always used perfume and he had recommended his Umma to also use it, except for women who should not use perfume except for their husbands or their mahrams in order to not incite the lusts of others.

source: For a Better Future

What is the opinion of Islam about singing and dancing in wedding ceremonies?

Question: What is the opinion of Islam about singing and dancing in wedding ceremonies? The opinions of people are contrary; some say it is lawful while others say it is unlawful.

The answer: In Islam, they are unlawful. The Prophet (S) has said, ‘Allah has sent me as mercy to people, and to eradicate musicals, pipes, and the habits of the pre-Islamic era (jahiliyyah).’1 It is because play, amusement, and singing do not meet with the aims of mercy, worship, and closeness to Allah.

Jurisprudents have agreed that during the night of the wedding, singing poetry with good and polite meanings is lawful, especially if it has praises of the Prophet (S) and his progeny. Some jurisprudents have permitted classical and quiet dancing, which is not mixed (between men and women) and which does not excite lust.

This exception (in permitting singing and dancing) is limited to weddings. Abu Baseer narrated, ‘Once, I asked Abu Abdullah (Imam as-Sadiq) (a.s.) about the income of a songstress (the money she gains for singing) and he said, ‘It is unlawful for one, to whom men come, but there is no problem for the one, who is invited to weddings.’2

The wisdom in this exception is that Islam has made a distinction between marriage and adultery. Since adultery is done without the presence of people, Islam has intended for marriage to be performed openly and with attractive sound so that people can recognize this new marital relation between these two persons.

Many arguments have taken place between jurisprudents about the new methods in the world of singing and music. Many of them have considered singing and music unlawful because they cause many bad consequences. From the instruments of music and amusement, which incite lust, unlawful behaviors begin besides the bad poetry used in songs and the mixing between men and women until major sins are committed. Then, no excuse will remain for the angels to attend and bless that marriage.

Those who try to close their eyes to these unlawful doings under demonstrations of istihsan (approval) and assent have ignored that Islam wants weddings to be performed in spiritual and moral spheres fitting the principles of Islam and not the desires of the disease-hearted people who imitate the corruptive methods of the West.

We disagree with using instruments of amusements to turn weddings, which are acts of worship, to a stage of unlawful doings and behaviors. We reject the inviting of the Satan and the preventing of the angels to attend this honorable occasion.

The believers, who desire to be free from bad deeds until the Day of Resurrection, should avoid all that is performed by bad and disobedient people in their weddings, and thus they will be kept away from those upon whom Allah has brought His wrath.

Let us think about it in this way: would any of our infallible Imams (a.s.) attend a wedding in which singing and dancing were practiced if he were invited to it?

If we suppose that we are in the age of the reappearance of Imam al-Mahdi (a.s.) and he is amongst us now, what will he think about our behaviors in the wedding?

Come! Let us make this faith in the unseen and our love for the Ahlul Bayt (a.s.) the criterion of our behaviors on the occasions of joy so that Allah may bless these occasions for us.

We hope that the believers adhere to the limits of Islam and do not follow the Satan who wants them to fall in his traps and lose the blessings of weddings, which are from the Sunna of the Prophet (S) and the recommendable acts that are semi-obligatory.

source: For a Better Future

How Are Men’s Bad Characteristics Women’s Good Characteristics?

BERKELEY, CA - AUGUST 30:  Leenah Safi (L) looks on during a lecture at Zaytuna College August 30, 2010 in Berkeley, California. Zaytuna College opened its doors on August 24th and hopes to become the first accredited four-year Islamic college in the United States. The school was founded by three Muslim-American scolars and offers degrees in Islamic law, theology and Arabic languages. Fifteen students are enrolled in the inaugural class and the school hopes to increase that number to 2,200 within ten years.  (Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)

In Imam Ali’s (P) words, the best elements of a Muslim woman’s personality which are considered at the same time the worst for men, are as follows:

خيار خصال النساء شرار خصال الرجال، الزهو و الجبن و البخل، فاذا كانت المرأة مزهوةً لم تمكن من نفسها و اذا كانت بخيله حفظت مالها و مال بعلها و اذا كانت جبانة فرقت من كل شيئ يعرض لها.

(زهو) (Zahv means inviolability that is a woman must be inviolable in her social activities and her sense of pride should be dominant over her predisposition.)

If a woman were inviolable, she would never allow a stranger to have authority over herself and if woman were niggardly, she would take care of the economy of the family and if a woman were timid she would never be involved with things that would be a threat to her chastity. However, in the field of education and training it is said that a person should be extrovert, have social communications and seek for a brethren in religion and must never fear.

If these three elements of the personality of a woman, which have been mentioned according to Imam Ali’s (P) perspective, seem unusual, more explanation and interpretation are required. These elements, which endanger woman and put her in a predicament are of two states, the general and particular here, the particular state is mentioned. Such destructive characteristics in both woman and man are not desirable in the general state, since Islam endeavors to educate human beings who are free from arrogance, fear and pride.

So, Imam Ali (P) does not consider the elements of pride and inviolability in its general state however, inviolability has a different meaning from pride. Inviolability means that Islam has defined a structure for a woman’s personality. According to educational and training standards, a woman must be extrovert and be able to relate with others easily and if she could not relate with the opposite sex, she may have reservations with the opposite sex, while according to Islam, a woman must observe a boundary in her social responsibilities.

Regarding the characteristic of niggardly, its general state is considered as well. When the Holy Qur’an states:

…وَمَنْ يُوقَ شُحَّ نَفْسِهِ فَأُولَٰئِكَ هُمُ الْمُفْلِحُونَ

“Those who are shielded from their own avarice will be prosperous.” (59:9)

His Holiness Ali (P) discarding such an incorrect concept through the analysis and interpretation of his words, states:

فاذا كانت المرأة مزهوة لم تمكن من نفسها

“If a woman continually observe a boundary and certain precautions in her own social relations, she will never be exploited and vulnerable.

لم تمكن نفساً ً

“She never allows herself to be misused.”

فاذا كانت بخيله

“If she has the characteristic of stinginess……”

حفظت مالها و مال بعلها

“.. she will safeguard her own property, that of her marital life and also that of her husband.”

فاذا كانت جبانة فرقت شيئ يعرض لها

“If a woman be concerned, in social interactions she will have fright and together with precaution and apprehension driving away many calamities and contention as well.”

Nevertheless, Imam Ali (P) considers the best characteristics of women as the worst attributes of man pointing out that from the Islamic point of view the role and position of woman is completely different from that of man in marital life. The nature and personality of woman had been created in a manner that is compatible with such characteristics and virtues.

The martyr, Motahari states: “The reason why the characteristics mentioned in this narration are not considered in general, in its absolute state and include particular instances, is that regarding stinginess, if its general state is mentioned, it will be incompatible with the certainties of the Holy Qur’an. The verse:

…وَمَنْ يُوقَ شُحَّ نَفْسِهِ فَأُولَٰئِكَ هُمُ الْمُفْلِحُونَ

“Those who are shielded from their own avarice will be prosperous.” (59:9)

Considers the element of prosperity as the point opposite to stinginess. It is expected of a woman to be proud towards strangers and not towards the husband, other women and/or her relatives close to her. What is focused upon is the pride in order to safeguard chastity and perform social responsibilities.

According to the above-mentioned verse, obsession of this world is condemned and one who can rescue oneself from this obsession and free oneself from worship of worldly matters or wealth will reach the stage of prosperity. So, it is not the best characteristic for a woman not to spend out of her property. Her Eminence Zahra, (P) as an example did not have stinginess in its general state. Stinginess is for the purpose of:

المرأة راعية علي بيت اهلها

“The woman is the supervisor and the one responsible inside the house, in the family and in relation with her husband.”

As I have mentioned, Islam considers some characteristics favorable to woman, which are undesirable for man. Definitely, the general state of these characteristics because of its incompatibility with the certainties of the Holy Qur’an is not desired. The preference and encouragement of the characteristics of pride fear and stinginess is because of the vulnerability of woman. Stinginess and niggardliness is for the conjugal property according to Imam Ali (P) who states:

اذا كانت بخيلة حفظت مالها و مال بعلها

“Of course, both woman and man are responsible to safeguard conjugal property.”

The woman has an essence called chastity, which is vulnerable in social interactions therefore, she must possess a characteristic required to guard this vulnerability. Throughout history nowhere has it been mentioned that a woman violated a man, on the contrary, there have been so many cases regarding violations against woman.

Therefore, fear is for safeguarding the chastity of a woman and encouraging to have this characteristic is observing precaution. Accordingly, perseverance and sensitivity in defending chastity as the basis of personality and complement of woman’s dignity has been recommended to her.

The Martyr Motahhari states: “A woman’s fear in the position of enjoining the good and forbidding the wrong is condemned. The verse:

المومنون و المومنات بعضهم اولياء‌ بعض يامرون بالمعرو ف و ينهون عن المنكر

“Some men believers and women believers are superior over the other believers they command decency and forbid dishonor.”

Considers woman and man as partners and equal in enjoining the good and forbidding the wrong. To safeguard values it is said that one has to offer one’s wealth or life unless it may cost your chastity. So fear has meaning only in this point. Where it is stated “enjoin the good”, it says:

المومنون و المومنات. . .

“Men and women believers.”

or says:

الرجال قوامون علي النساء بما فضل الله بعضهم علي بعض

“Men are the ones who should support women since God has given some persons advantages over others.”

It does not say:

بما فضل الله الرجال علي النساء

“Since God has given men advantages over women.”

In fact here it means mutual rights not superiority. The interpretation of guardianship is presented and guardianship is not specified to men, rather woman is the one who safeguards values and fundamentals as well. However, God considers the characteristics of both woman and man and accordingly the duty of superiority.

In the words of the Chief of the Faithful, fear in its absolute sense is not considered, for instance, the action of Her Eminence Zahra to reclaim Fadak, is an example and the action not being for material gain indicates the courage of that lady.

His Holiness Ali (P) observing one, who has such an indifference towards the world, comes to the field in like manner, bears difficulties and never fears, never stated that the actions of Her Eminence Zahra (P) were incompatible with the fundamentals of Islam. For instance, at the time of usurpation of the caliphate, she, along with a group of women of Quraish entered the mosque to prove the legitimacy of the guardianship leadership of the Chief of the Faithful (P) and safeguard the principles as well. This shows why fear is reasonable on some occasions and is not desirable in any conditions. It can only be practical for safeguarding and protecting the woman.

Written by Abbas Ali Shameli

What Should a Muslim Couple Do in their Wedding Night?

The concept of marriage in Islam is so sacred and valued, that it is narrated from the Prophet the doors of Allāh (SwT)’s mercy are open on this great night. This night has its own etiquettes and manners as following:

  1. Refrain from having the °Aqd or wedding during Qamar Dar Akrab – when the moon is passing through the phase of Scorpio.a520ef86dc_cute-mustlime-couple13
  1. Refrain from having the °Aqd or wedding outdoors, under the sunlight.
  1. It is recommended that the °Aqd and wedding take place at night.
  1. Try to be in Wuďū for as much of the night as possible, and especially during the time of doing the actions below .
  1. Begin by praising Allāh (SwT), then say Allāhu Akbar (أللهُ أكَبر), followed by a Ŝalawāt (أللهم صلى على محمّد و آل محمّد).
  1. Recite a two Rak°at Ŝalāt, with the intention of ‘Mustaĥab Qurbatan IlAllāh (SwT)’ [a recommended prayer, seeking the pleasure of Allāh (SwT)], followed by a Ŝalawāt.
  1. Recite the following Du°ā, followed by a Ŝalawāt. First the groom should recite it, after which the bride should say: Ilāhī Amīn [May Allāh (SwT) accept this].

“O Allāh (SwT)! Bless me with her affection, love and her acceptance of me; and make me pleased with her, and bring us together in the best form of a union and in absolute harmony; surely You like lawful things and dislike unlawful things.”

  1. Even if a couple are not intending to conceive on the wedding night, it is recommended that the following Du°ās are recited for righteous children (whenever they are conceived):

The groom should then place his right palm on the bride’s forehead facing Qibla and recite:

“O Allāh! I have taken her as Your trust and have made her lawful for myself by Your words. Therefore, if you have decreed for me a child from hver, then make him/her blessed and pious from among the followers of the family of Muĥammad; and do not let the Satan have any part in him/her.”

The following Du°ā should also be recited:

“O Allāh! I have made her lawful for myself with Your words, and I have taken her in Your trust. O Allāh! Make her fertile and devoted.”

  1. The groom should wash the bride’s feet and sprinkle that water in all the four corners of the room and house. Allāh (SwT) will remove 70,000 types of poverty, 70,000 types of blessings will enter the house and 70,000 blessings will come upon the bride and groom. The bride will be safe from insanity, ulcers and leprosy.
  1. It is not necessary that consummation of the marriage take place on the wedding night; rather it may take a few days or even a few weeks.
  1. Fatigue, nervousness and tension may make it harder; therefore it is important that husband and wife take time to get comfortable with each other and move at their own pace.
  1. Artificial lubrication may be needed for the first few days or weeks in order to make consummation easier and more enjoyable.
  1. Early or premature ejaculation may be a problem for the first few times; however, this should eventually be resolved after time and experience.
  1. The hymen may or may not bleed. Foreplay, gentleness and intercourse again soon after can help reduce the pain of the tearing of the hymen.
  1. After consummation (whenever it may be), the bride should not have milk, vinegar, coriander, sour apple or melon for a week, as they cause the womb to dry up and become cold and barren.
  1. People may make certain comments over the next few days. It is important not to let this affect you, and not to get drawn in to their conversations.
  1. Don’t talk about your intimate details to outsiders; maintain respect of your spouse and your relationship.


“From Marriage to Parenthood The Heavenly Path”
Written  by Abbas and Shahin Merali

Top seven things Islam Forbids for Women

Top seven things Islam Forbids for Women

Forbid, it means a command not to do anything, but this word is often thought of in negative terms. Forbidden means something which you are not supposed to do, you must not do, you should not do or you have not been allowed to do. But why are we often forbidden from doing certain things? Why we have to avoid certain things? because they are not good for us, because they are not meant for us, because we are not meant for it. The person who forbids us from doing a particular task always has a valid reason for ceasing us, because that person does not want to us to get hurt or upset therefore he/she tries his/her best to protect us.

Islam is a very massive, vast and easy religion, only if one understands & applies the rules of Islam on his/her life completely, Islam gives complete freedom to humans in almost in the spheres of life, but yes there are certain things which are not allowed in Islam for Muslims. There is this misconception that Islam is conservative religion, that Islam has limited the Muslims, that Islam has slowed down their pace, those who have such a belief have yet not seen the depth of Islam. Islam gives an insight about all the frequencies of life, the rules & regulation in Islam are based on utter logic, induction, coherence, sanity and syllogistics.

1-Marrying non-Muslim men:
A Muslim women is not allowed to marry a non-Muslim man, she can only marry Muslim man. Such an order has been given from Allah because in Islam the women follow the religion of the husband therefore if Muslim woman marries a non-Muslim man she won’t remain a Muslim anymore. A Muslim man is allowed to marry non-Muslim women but that women should be either Christian or Jew or should follow a holy book.

2-Physical interaction with men:
hysical interaction between man and a woman is not allowed in Islam, you are not allowed to interact (touch) any other man or woman except your own spouses, this scenario is applied for both the genders. A woman is not allowed to indulge with any men rather than her own husband. Communication is allowed to only to a certain extent. It is well suited that a man should hangout with men and a woman should hang out with women, by doing it so it would not allow the birth of any un moral thought in the hearts of men and women.
3-Soft corner for na-mehrum:
A Muslim woman should not have a soft corner for any na-mehrum; na-mehrum refers to those men who are not a relative by birth or blood. A woman can have a soft corner for her father, husband, and brother but not for any men outside her family. Having a soft corner is also a kind of emotion, and the emotions of a Muslim woman are very much sacred. No leisure man is worth her care & attention.

 4-Fitted and cleavage clothes:
Allah orders the women to cover their ornaments and not to wear cleavage clothes. The curves of a woman are the private parts of the body, then they become the victim of the dirty stares of men, they generate malicious ideas and ruin the reputation of that woman in the eye of men. Therefore a Muslim woman has been asked not to wear much fitted clothes; her clothing must cover all the body parts properly.
5-Eye-contact with men:
It is said that the eyes of a person reflects his true personality. Being able to see is one of the biggest blessing of God, but with your eyes you can see all the good things as well as bad things. Islam does not allow doing any kind of eye contact with men because this contact is the first step to all the unethical feelings. Even if you want to speak to men then you communicate through the door or the window but the women must not come face to face with a na-mehrum man. A Muslim woman is very respectable and not everyone can have the pleasure seeing her.

Islam forbids a woman to wear any such thing which can divert the attention of men towards her, stuff such as perfumes, makeup, jewels or very fancy clothes. No men would look at a woman who is completely covered but at an uncovered woman people would definitely slant looks. Perfumes have a very strong smell, if a person wearing perfume will enter a room, every person present would notice that person, similarly if a woman wearing perfume passes by then she will divert all the attention towards herself. A woman is not an object for exhibition but a symbol of respect.

7-Disobedience of husband:
A married woman is not allowed to disobey her husband. It is said the Muslims are only allowed to prostrate ( sajda) in front of almighty Allah but if it was allowed for a woman to prostrate in front of anyone else rather than Allah, then it would have been definitely her husband. A woman is never supposed to go against her husband’s will, the satisfaction & happiness of her husband is most important for her, she must not displease him and must not do anything to offend him. She should be a faithful wife and must not cheat on him. Furthermore a woman is supposed to take care of all the basis needs of her husband.

Seven things Which Strengthen The Marriage

Strengthen The Marriage

1) Good Attitude – A Muslim must always have a positive attitude toward life. We say, “Al Hamdulillah” (Praise be to Allah) for whatever He gives us (or doesn’t give us).

2) Worship – connection with Allah through ritual of prayer, petition and peace while moving together in the salat is something a non-Muslim can never really appreciate. Our prophet, peace be upon him, used to lead his wife in salat, even though he lived connected to the mosque. He told us not to make our homes like grave yards. We should offer some of our sunnah prayers at home. A sister gains the most rewards at home, in her room, behind a screen

3) Trust – Muslims, men and women are ordered to be trustworthy and follow the example of our prophet, peace be upon him, as the “Trustworthy”.

4) Respect – You get respect, when you give respect. This is mandatory for all Muslims toward all people, how much more toward the spouse?

5) Good Attitude – A Muslim must always have a positive attitude toward life. We say, “Al Hamdulillah” (Praise be to Allah) for whatever He gives us (or doesn’t give us)

6) Forgiveness – Clearly, this is one of the most important aspects of Islam. Whoever does not forgive – will not be forgiven. This comes from Allah, Himself. We must learn to forgive each other’s mistakes so we won’t it against us.

7) Time – Spend time, alone – together. Go for walks. Take a bus ride. Visit a friend or someone who is ill (you get big rewards for that). Fast together on Mondays & Thursdays if you can. Make hajj – this is a great way to get a “new start” on life. Trust me.

Seven things Which Weaken The Marriage

Divorce concept

1)  Leaving the worship – Allah will never be pleased with someone who leaves His guidance and does not worship Him. This will cause Muslim families serious problems and even to split up, faster than anything.

2) Ignore – not replying back to the “salams” or giving each other the good ear to listen and share.

3) Lying – Allah forbids the believers to lie. There is no room in Islam for liars, and may Allah save us from this evil, ameen.

4) Breaking Promises – Keeping a trust is also an important characteristic of a believer.

5) Avoiding Contact – You hug the brothers at the mosque, but what about a “little hug” with your wife? Come on, you can do it.

6) Suspicion & Backbiting – Allah says, “O believers, avoid much suspicion. Certainly suspicion is sinful. And don’t spy or backbite each other. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of your dead brother. You would hate it. Fear Allah’s punishment. For sure Allah is the Acceptor of repentance, The Merciful.” [Quran 49: 12]

7) Too Busy – Take time for each other. You have rights on each other. Give everyone their rights and you will be given your rights.


7 Rights of a Muslim Wife upon Her Husband


Below are the 7 rights of a muslim wife upon her husband in Islam. Please share after reading.

1.  That he should make things easy upon her e.g. The chores and what he requires from her.

2. To be kind to her. The Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “The best among you is the one who is the best towards his wife.”

3. A man should not hate his wife. Exalt the good and minimise her shortcomings. A man should not be angry at her faults and should look at her good. To look only good in her.

4.To spend upon her, to feed her. Not to be excessive in this and not to be stingy.

5. That the husband should be a reason for his wife to be saved from the hellfire. He should teach her and order her to forbid the evil and enjoy the good. Forbidding her from that which will lead to hell fire. O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed]angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allaah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded.

6. A man must not boycott her and if he does (for a valid reason) he should do it inside of the home.

7. He should have the best manners with his wife. His wife should see the best of his manners. It is said that some men have the best manners out in the market , but when he goes home he is a ferocious lion! Kind to strange women in the markets but not to his wife in the home. The best of you are the best of you to your wives. There is no good in you if you want to help your friends but not your wife, there is no good in you if you are kind to your friends and not your wife. Combine the two , and that is good.

Retrieved from:Letter Of Peace newsletter (a part of the Guided Project)

7 Things to Strengthen the Husband-Wife Relationship in Islam

Husband-Wife Relationship in Islam

According to the Quran, the purpose of marriage is to attain sukun (tranquility and peace), which can never be achieved through impulsive sexual fulfillment unless it is accompanied by mutual love, affection, caring, and sharing, which are all part and parcel of a fulfilling and productive marriage relationship. Islam, as we know it holistically from the sources, is a balanced way of looking at things.

Following are the 7 important factors that can InShaAllah strengthen a marriage relationship in Islam:

A Muslim must always have a positive attitude toward life. We say, “Alhamdulillah” (Praise be to Allah) for whatever He gives us (or doesn’t give us).

Our Prophet (peace be upon him) stressed the importance of men helping their wives and Allah tells us the importance of women being mates and helpers to their husbands. This is a real “win-win” situation, if we just follow it.

Muslims, men and women are ordered to be trustworthy and follow the example of our prophet (peace be upon him) as the “Trustworthy”.

You get respect, when you give respect. This is mandatory for all Muslims toward all people, how much more toward the spouse?


Clearly, this is one of the most important aspects of Islam. Whoever does not forgive – will not be forgiven. This comes from Allah, Himself. We must learn to forgive each others for a good relationship.

Spend time together. Go for walks. Take a bus ride. Visit a friend or someone who is ill (you get big rewards for that). Fast together on Mondays & Thursdays if you can. Make hajj – this is a great way to get a “new start” on life.

Our prophet, peace be upon him, used to lead his wife in salat, even though he lived connected to the mosque. He told us not to make our homes like grave yards. We should offer some of our sunnah prayers at home.

Retrieved from:islamnewsroom.com