Archive for category: Youth

Question: For quite some time, my mother has become a sharp criticizer. She cannot bear to see a bit of wrong in anyone. In this state, she has become a point of tittle-tattle and the source of family disagreements. My friends do not visit me because of her. We do not dare to speak up frankly against her, especially since she became angry with my sister who tried to do that once. We do not know how to deal with her. She is correct in her criticism of others, but we do not want to become involved in troubles because most people nowadays do not accept criticism, much less that of my mother’s which is without courtesy and is sharp and stinging. We hope to benefit from your opinion in this concern.

The answer: Old people often suffer from weak nerves; therefore, they cannot bear things that annoy them. If they are religious, sins and disobediences make them angry; if they are not, things that are contrary to their thinking and desires make them angry; if they are sick, loud sounds and noises make them angry…and so on.

As for your mother, one of these reasons leads her to such criticism that causes troubles. As a cure, I suggest:

1. You have to keep her away from what may excite her nerves, and thus, nothing that leads her to criticism will take place before her.

2. You can tell the persons that meet her often to not do anything that will excite her criticism and nerves.

3. You have to excuse her and think of her as if she were psychologically sick and realize that she needs your care, tolerance, and patience.

4. Let most of her food be that which is cold in its nature, such as yogurt, fruits, vegetables, and the like.

5. You have to look for some person who will have influence over her through friendship and wisdom, for however much a man is fanatic, he may change and become more moderate due to a friendship.

6. You have to take her to meetings where preaching takes place. You can agree with the preacher to talk about what may reform her thinking. The preacher may discuss three main points:

First, making mistakes is natural in man’s life. Man is neither an angel nor a beast; he is some of this and some of that. The Prophets, who were sent to reform people, were ordered to be kind to them.

Incidentally, it is mentioned that one day the screens were removed from the sight of one of the Prophets for sometime. Whenever he saw unlawful acts inside people’s homes, he damned them and prayed to Allah to afflict them with torment. Allah revealed to him, ‘I am more aware of them than you are and I am worthier of damning and torturing them than you are, but My mercy has preceded my wrath. I have sent you to them in order to invite them to My mercy and not to invoke My wrath against them’.

Talking about the Divine Mercy may cure cases of extremism and censure in people like your mother, as talking about the Divine Torment may cure cases of excess in committing sins.

Second, enjoining the right and forbidding the wrong should be in a kind and acceptable way; otherwise it itself becomes wrong.

A good preacher is he who explains to people like your mother that criticism must be offered in a frame of courtesy, smile, wisdom and attractiveness; otherwise its purpose is not realized, and then the problem becomes complicated and this is a mistake worse than the first mistake.

Third, the conducts of the Prophet (S) and the infallible Imams (a.s.) in dealing with wrongdoers should be mentioned to her. Allah has said, (Call to the way of your Lord with wisdom and goodly exhortation, and reason with them in the best manner).

Regarding these points, I want to say that advising, enjoining the right, and forbidding the wrong are required because they are religious obligations, moral necessities, social needs, and civil behaviors. However, wisdom, good manners, and the skill of argumentation are required in this concern. He, who does not possess these three means, would be better off in keeping silent because he may complicate the situation and spoil the purpose of criticism. Islam does not want an archer without a bow or a scholar without knowledge.

Question: I am a young woman from a religious family and all my interests are religious, thanks be to Allah! I have a friend in school who often sits with me, but she is not religious. All the time, she is interested in news of singers, athletes, issues of teenagers, molestations, and exchanging letters with young men, though she is still too young. She is sixteen years old. Would you please warn the youth, fathers, and mothers with the necessary Islamic advices? Many thanks for your interest in guiding us to what will make us happy in this life and the afterlife.

The answer: Thank you very much O daughter of faith and abstinence! Your feelings to save your friend and your care for your religion show your true upbringing. I hope that you continue on this path until you arrive at the eternal bliss.

The problem you have mentioned is a fact from the bitter reality that fathers and mothers try to ignore, thinking that they can cover the behaviors of those teenage girls. I think that indifference towards such girls encourages them to continue in corruption and covering up this concern is stupidity because such girls are exposed before others and scandal moves from mouth to mouth.

Let me say frankly that the problem firstly belongs to fathers and mothers, for they, in bringing up their children away from religion and love, have thrown the children into the way of corruption, and then when the tragedy takes place, they hurry to look for solutions but they will not find any even if they shed tears of sorrow and regret.

If only those fathers and mothers, who have turned their backs on religion and slept on the pillow of irresponsibility and have failed to satisfy their children with love and sympathy, would read the sayings of even Western scholars.

Dr. Raymond Page says, ‘The first picture a child draws in his mind about Allah comes out of his relation with his parents. Also, the first concept that comes to his mind about obedience, forgiveness, and straightforwardness is connected strongly with the behavior of his family…parents may not have a suitable opportunity to educate their child and develop his thinking, so they have to introduce Allah to their children in the best way with strong determination, will, and watchfulness. In this concern, they can depend on two good sources: religion and nature.’

Dear daughter, as for your situation towards your deviant friend:

First, deal with her as if she is sick, and she really is sick but she does not know. A sick one needs care, and you, with your faith, morals, and patience, can offer her religious advice and talk to her with the language of nature and conscience. You should tell her that the purpose of her existence is to arrive at the pleasures of Paradise. Islam does not prohibit the pleasures of this life provided that they are obtained lawfully.

Second, if she can get married, you can arrange the procedures of this by consulting with other religious women who understand such matters.

Third, when advising and warning her, depend on the frightening aspects of Islamic teachings – I mean what concerns death: the pressing of grave, its loneliness, and darkness for those who disobey Allah. It is mentioned in traditions that “he, who fears Fire, avoids unlawful things”. Tell her that Allah the Almighty will stand man in the difficulties and horrors of the Day of Resurrection to punish him for all his doings. Allah says in the Holy Qur’an, (Surely, the hearing, the sight, and the heart, all of these, shall be questioned about that).

There are many stories that affect one’s conscience that you can use to guide her to the right path and surely you will be rewarded by Allah.

Stories of accidents in our present time show that most of those who die are unsuspecting youths. Death is a sudden visitor and defeating comer. Isn’t it?

Finally, if she does not listen to you and you find that she may influence you or do wrong to your good reputation, you have to cut your relation with her bravely and without any kind of courtesy for “a strong believer is better than a weak believer,” as the Prophet (S) has said.

source :For a Better Future

Question: I have a friend who is good in all aspects. He is kind and our relationship is very good, but he has a bad quality that makes me turn away from him while I do not want that. I cannot speak out frankly to him about this bad deed which he often commits. I am confused as to how to tell him about it. This bad quality is called by the Holy Qur’an as treason of the eyes.

Yes! My friend knows well that looking at foreign women (not mahram) is unlawful, and when it is repeated, it changes into an arrow in his eye, heart, and soul. However, he looks at women stealthily and from the corners of his eyes. He casts his eyes and then looks again. What is bitterer than that is that when he visits me (at home) or when I go out with him to visit our friends (in their houses), he does not cast his eyes down towards the ground in the manner of faithful people, but he raises his head and looks here and there without caring that maybe the door of a room is open or that it might have mistakenly been opened by a child, and then his eyes come across women and honors. How often this thing has happened! He looked (at women), lowered his head and then he looked again (from under his eyes). He did not refrain from doing this!

I do not want to cut my relationship with him, and at the same time, I do not wish to continue my friendship with him much longer while he does this thing repeatedly. If I can learn the solution due to religion and reason, the problem will end. Would you please guide me to the most effective way to reform him?

The answer: If you can end your embarrassment by reminding him of the values and morals of the believers and the pious, you should do so without hesitation, otherwise you have to write your thoughts in a letter with a disguised handwriting. Then, you should send the letter by post without any sign indicating it is from you so that Allah may make this way the solution that pleases you and saves him from his plight.

Man, sometimes, becomes accustomed to a bad quality, and then it becomes difficult to remove it from him in a short period of time. Therefore, you should try to advise him, in the same way, after some time if you find that he has not changed.

Write to him, in your letters, about the values he believes in and warn him of the evil end of continuing this bad quality. Mention to him the torment of the treason of the eyes on the Day of Resurrection. Speak, in your letters, to his conscience and tell him that his personality will become degraded before his friends if he continues this bad behavior.

This is what you should tell him in your unsigned letters, but what I want to say to him and to those like him in the following lines is:

Dear brother, what would your situation be if one of your friends looked at your wife, daughter, or sister, etc?

What would your situation be if someone said to you angrily and violently before others: do you not feel shame to look at my wife?!

What would your situation be if your close friends turned away from you and you were exposed before all?

Imagine that your bad quality was in others besides you! Would you not become angry with them and try to advise them? And if they did not refrain, would you not cut your relation with them? But before all that, remember this saying of one of the poets:

“Do not forbid (others) from a behavior while you practice it,

It is a great shame if you do it.”

Imam al-Hasan al-Askari (a.s.) has said, ‘It suffices you as politeness that you do not do what you dislikes others to do.’

Here, I invite this friend to ponder on the traditions of these infallible ones who want good for him.

The Prophet (S) said, ‘(Unlawful) looking is an arrow from the Satan’s. Whoever avoids it for fear of Allah, Allah gives him faith, the sweetness of which he can feel in his heart.’

He also said, ‘Whoever fills his eyes with unlawfulness, Allah will fill them with nails of fire on the Day of Resurrection.’

Amīr ul-Mu’minīn (Imam Ali) (a.s.) said, ‘Beware of treason, because it is the worst of disobedience. A traitor will be tortured in Fire for his treason.’

He also said, ‘He, who sets his eyes free, tires out his mind. He, whose looks follow one after another, his sighs continue.’

source :For a Better Future

Question: I am a young man in the university from a wealthy family. I have all the means of luxury, and, of course, most of them are unlawful. In my fight between reason and lust, I do not know how to make reason defeat lust. Would you please guide me to the right way?

The answer: First, strengthen your determination with sincere repentance to Allah, and then watch yourself according to the following method, which I have quoted from what Allama at-Tabataba’iy, the author of Tafsir al-Mizan, had written to a young man like you:

“First, in the morning, when you wake up, determine not to do anything that does not please Allah! Think well before deciding to do anything whether or not it benefits you in this life and afterlife! If it pleases Allah, do it; otherwise, leave it, regardless of whether or not you like it.

Second, do so until you go to bed at night, and then think of all you have done in the day, one by one. Thank Allah for your good deeds and pray to Him to forgive your bad deeds!

Third, continue doing this for several days. You may feel tired at the beginning, but then, it will gradually become easier for you and you will enjoy it morally and spiritually. Of course, the body follows the soul in comfort.

Fourth, before sleeping, perform wudu’ and recite the following suras: al-Hadeed (57), al-Hashr (59), as-Saff (61), al-Jum’ah (62) and al-Taghabun (64). If you cannot, you should recite al-Hashr only. With this action, you shall find that the pleasure of lawful things is sweeter than the pleasure of unlawful things. Then, you will laugh at those who pant after unlawful pleasures, and feel sorry for them and the mirage they walk in towards Hell.”

In the following tradition, Imam Ali (a.s.) mentions the qualities of the faithful and pious people, who follow sound reason and walk in the right path. Imam Ali (a.s.) says,

‘A faithful one is truthful in the worldly life, with an insightful heart. He keeps to the (moral) limits. He is a vessel of knowledge, with perfect thinking. He is generous, good-hearted, patient, and openhanded. He spends liberally. He is charitable, honey-tongued, and smiling. He ponders much, sleeps little, and laughs little. He is with good manners, free from greediness, and away from fancy. He is ascetic in this life. He looks forward to the afterlife. He likes guests. He is merciful to the orphans. He is kind to the young. He has regard for the old. He helps the needy, visits the sick, and escorts the dead. He respects the holiness of the Qur’an, prays to the Lord, cries for sins, enjoins right, forbids wrong, eats little, drinks little, moves with politeness, speaks with advice, and preaches kindly. He does not fear any except Allah and expects no one save Him. He is busy in thanking and praising Allah. He is neither negligent nor is he proud. He is not proud of the properties of the worldly life. He is busy thinking of his own defects away from the defects of others. Prayer is the delight of his eyes. Fasting is his job and occupation. Truthfulness is his habit. Gratefulness is his ship. Reason is his captain. Piety is his food. The worldly life is his prison. Patience is his home. The night and day are his capital. Paradise is his abode. The Qur’an is his speech. Muhammad is his intercessor and Allah the Almighty is his entertainer.’