Archive for category: Youth

We were talking about marriage, the most difficult and tortuous stage in the life of youth, following by a discussion about love and its pitfalls. Now we continue the previous important subject.

It should not surprise you that there are several types of marriages: Mercantile marriages, impulsive marriages and paper marriages, etc.

Each of these has particular features based on which it could be easily and exactly recognized.

Symptoms of mercantile marriages are heavy marriage portions, rich dowry, water, property, house, real estate, other huge sums of money received as bride price (while from the Islamic point of view, bride price is basically senseless), or other things. Usually, two types of wealth and capital are exchanged in mercantile marriages.

1- Visible wealth

2- Invisible wealth

Visible wealth refers to the precise calculation of wealth of man or woman, and the near relatives like father, mother, brother, and in brief all of those from whom the bride and groom inherit!

In mercantile marriages, the wealth of these people are studied and calculated, and of course, after this transaction, the bride and groom wait for the properties of others like parents and brothers, and actually await their death.

On the other hand, invisible wealth refers to the social capabilities and various positions of the near and distant relatives of both parties which could be used as a means of progress in the society!

The value of invisible wealth is sometimes much more than the visible, but in this type of transaction, the bride and groom shall always pray for their relatives so that they can enjoy their support and recommendation when required.

It goes without saying that in this sort of marriage, humanistic attributes of both parties, their knowledge, and other things are not taken into account. Rather, all discussions are based on the assets and visible and invisible capital of both parties (particularly woman).

In mercantile marriages, the woman’s personality falls to the level of a usual merchandise, and is transacted just like a commodity. Unfortunately, this sort of marriage is very common in our society, and many parents and some youths believe in it.

The other big problem with such marriages is that the reason for their survival is the same as that of their occurrence, and when the man or woman finds himself or herself needless of the other, or takes possession of the desired wealth, the situation is immediately changed. Many cases are seen where men suck the spouse like a juicy fruit, and throw away the residue.

Sacred affinity and love that guarantees survival of matrimony is never meaningful to them, and both parties look upon each other as an expensive car or a luxurious apartment!

Such women have expectations proportionate to their wealth, position, and facilities of their relatives, and dowry. This is a great blight for survival of matrimony.

High frequency of such marriage has caused many youths to introduce themselves falsely as owners of expensive cars, houses, flats, etc. When, after marriage, it is revealed that he doesn’t even own a star in the seven heavens, challenges and arguments begin.

This issue has been particularly taken into account in our religious teachings, and Moslems are strictly forbidden such marriages.

Our great leaders have denounced those marrying for wealth and property of the other party, and have called a heavy marriage portion as an ominous sign of marriage. They were satisfied with marriage of their daughters with materially poor but spiritually rich individuals and by setting little marriage portions they set an example for all of us.

The Holy Prophet (s.a.) says:
“One who marries a woman only for her beauty, he does not achieve his purpose, and one who marries a woman only for her wealth, God leaves him alone. Try to marry faithful and pure women.” (Wasa’il ash-Shi’a, 3:6)

 

http://www.al-islam.org/sexual-problems-youths-ayatullah-al-uzma-shaykh-nasir-makarim-shirazi

“Love and fancy”

Many cases of running away from home, divorce and suicide are caused by inconformity of the lovely fancies with the future real life. Any youth is subject to the danger of being involved in an unholy and indecisive fiery love, and may lose some of his distant and near relatives unknowingly because of it. Therefore, all youths and parents should be warned against this danger to prevent it when it is possible. Contrary to other seedlings, “love” grows and yields very soon. As we already mentioned, sometimes for those susceptible to it, a seed is changed to a strong tree only in an instant and just with a glance. The particular quality of this spiritual event necessitates more investigation and watching carefully its dangers. Hereunder, we will study additional pitfalls of love. Love and dream! Nothing is as dreamy as love. Relationship between the two has been recognized from times immemorial. Those involved in this trap are always living in a dreamy world, where everything differs from what exists in this world. Its criteria differ with those of ordinary world, and its events and appearances shall be seen, not heard. However, the terms applied for normal life are not capable of describing the lovers’ life. So many dreams of the “poets” and striking delicacies of their poems are indebted to the fancies of their real or unreal loves. On the other hand, when they attain the beloved and see no trace of those sweet dreams, they understand that everything is at the real level or a little higher. They find remarkable realities, but nothing comparable with their dreams! Then, they are overcome by fear. A sorrowful coolness replaces the ardent fire of past love and squeezes their heart. They find themselves bankrupt in this transaction. Sometimes they think that they are deceived or mysterious spirits are fighting them directly or with the help of competitors and the envious. At this time, they display drastic reactions, the severity of which is proportionate to the distance of that dream with this reality: running away from home, divorce, suicide or other acute reactions.

 

http://www.al-islam.org/sexual-problems-youths-ayatullah-al-uzma-shaykh-nasir-makarim-shirazi

Many words have been expressed for love, magnificence and splendour of love, or insanity and disease of love, describing it with different and contradictory phrases.
Some great writers have eulogized it saying:

“Love” is the officer of life and eternal felicity. (German Goethe)

“Love” is the architect of the world. (Hezieh)

Toman Man speaks about the miraculous effect of love, and believes: “Love strengthens spirit and keeps man cheerful”.

A number of great eastern philosophers have transcended others and believe: Any movement and motion, even the motion of cosmos and spheres in the transcendental world is caused by a sort of love!

If we interpret this term, in its extensive and general sense, that is, any sort of extra affinity and attraction, we shall approve their sayings!

Contrary to so many interesting interpretations and explanations, another group of writers and philosophers have applied the most offensive attacks and accusations for “love”, and have reviled it at the level of a hateful disease.

One of the well-known eastern writers says: Love is a chronic disease like tuberculosis, cancer and gout, which a wise man should avoid!

Others, like the famous astronomer, Copernicus has said: If we do not call love a sort of insanity, at least we can say that it is an extract of disabled brains!

Finally, some like Carlyle have rushed on love heedlessly, and believe: Love is not only a sort of insanity, but also a combination of several sorts of insanity!

These contradictory descriptions for the term, which is one of the most popular in literature and poetry, and even ordinary utterances, should not be accounted for contradiction in judgment about a particular reality. Rather, the dissidence actually originates from the difference in the point of view of the judges.

In other words, each of these writers and scientists has discussed one of the facets of love which they have encountered more in their life. Therefore, we shall confess that:

If by love, we mean a powerful and extraordinary attraction between two individuals or in general between two creatures (such as human, animal, plant and lifeless thing) in the direction of a superior objective, is it possible to imagine something higher than it’?!

Its power of creativity is so wonderful that it can leap over any hindrance, and pass any obstacle in the path of perfection and development.

They have admired love for such creativity and its great and unique power, as we know that many of the best literary, architecture and aesthetic masterstrokes were created under the influence of this emotion.

On the other hand, if by love we mean the powerful attraction leading two individuals to sin, stain, and fall into the marsh of vice and prostitution, it is really shameful and blameworthy, because removing its stains is not an easy task!

If by love, we mean the crazy attraction which completely destroys intellect and wisdom, it is really worthy of scorn.

Finally, love has different facets from various points of view. So, both its admiration and scorn could be appropriate and applicable.

Under the romantic covering of “love”
It is noteworthy for all sincere youths to know that nowadays, so many crimes and evils are committed under the pretty and romantic mask of “love”!

Any capricious, lustful and impure person may pretend to be a truthful lover. Any deceitful and two-faced monster having no purpose except satiation of his wild animal lusts may realize his satanic and evil purposes under this “veil” by applying romantic descriptions of this “term”.

On this account, after realization of his dirty purposes, his real face is unveiled. He forgets what all he had said. There doesn’t even remains any drop of those pure sentiments and fiery loves, just like a big vessel full of water which is overturned at once. There remains no trace of the heart full of affection, sick eyes with love, and thousands other claims. There remains only a deceived and regretful beloved with a world of sigh, grief and sorrow!

The youth should watch carefully for “false pretenders of love”, who have no capital except lies, deception and tricks. They must note that there are many such people in the society, who copy a single letter full of lies and send it to several girls at the same time.

Not only girls, but the boys should also watch for various traps, where there is no way of deliverance, and it is possible to regret all life for one moment of negligence, undue optimism and submission to vain and false phrases. Those who are deprived of affection, submit themselves to such expressions of love very soon, and are thereby deceived and entrapped easily. They should watch out more than others.

In the next chapter, titled “Pitfalls of love”, we will discuss additiona1 issues complementary to our present discussion.

 

• Many issues known to us as “unpleasant but meantime inevitable necessities” of life are the products of our illogical deeds and are often avoidable!

• Many snares which we suppose destiny has imposed for us are the same chains that we have made by our own hands.

• A major part of problems in our life is indeed obstructions, excuses, obstinacies, and even inflexibilities exhibited by us when facing events, but not real problems!

It is said that once Rostam, the Iranian epical hero, decided to conquer some parts of Iran that no preceding gallant conquerors had succeeded in.

During his journey towards the heart of this region, he faced “seven great obstacles” each of which was more terrible than the other. Once he faced the white demon, and once the giant dragon, and once the dangerous magicians. Finally, he passed them one by one with his strength and skills. He passed the seven stages (seven adventures) and overcame them. Ferdowsi, the Iranian epic poet has described and versified the story in Shahnameh with attractive delicacies.

The legend is a romantic representation of the mass of problems in a man’s life, their abundance and intensity, and a plan for showing ways of overcoming these problems.

Nowadays, the issue of marriage and passing its obstacles is not easier than what Rostam did when passing the “seven legendary adventures”. The only difference is that neither all youths possess the bravery and power which Rostam had for passing the seven adventures, nor basically they are so decisive and determined!

As mentioned, no other social issue has so deviated from its original and normal form (with such harmful and disturbing embellishments) like marriage.

The groans, complaints and clamours of the youth and parents for the huge costs of marriage are mostly for these additional formalities. Otherwise, the basis of marriage is too simple, pure and sacred to cause so many problems and troubles.

At present, for many people, marriage is like mining “gold” from the mines which is mixed with impurity that it is not economical and does not worth such a trouble!

Impurities of marriage are the very competitions, wrong customs, transient humours and fancies, achieving unreal honour, prestige and personality.

Marriage has lost its main visage among the mass of problems. It is transformed to a “horrible monster” that not all individuals could bear.

Worse is that a few people dare to challenge these embellishments and impurities. In this respect, the educated are worse than the illiterate. Now, people are weaker and more disabled in this challenge as compared to the past.

Many people satisfy themselves with a wrong reasoning that “a man marries once during his or her lifetime, and could not celebrate it simply”, or “let us realize our last desires, whims and internal tendencies”!

They ignore that when this wrong reasoning becomes popular, it changes into the greatest hindrance for felicity and happiness of the youth.

The youth shall pass the seven adventures of this long way just with their heroism, like Rostam, and break these magic spells. This involves seven adventures, including:

1- Unlimited and dreamy expectations; the expectations of girls from boys, and boys from girls, and parents from both of them

2- Raising undue embarrassments; by many of the parents, families, relatives and friends

3- Heavy dower sum

4- Extra formalities; for wedding ceremonies and the dangerous competitions

5- Petulance for being in the same and equal position and rank by two families

6- Fiery loves; which are uncontrollable and at the same time unconsidered

7- Excessive obsession; and lack of confidence and trust on each other in the future

When we reflect on these seven problems, we see that most of them are not concerned with the issue of marriage, but to its embellishments.

For instance, consider the issue of “matching and being equal in rank”, which is a great hindrance for marriage of many youths, while it is only a mirage.

A 30 years old man who introduced himself as an “Oil Engineer”, and agreed that he has a good salary, complained and groaned for failing to marry yet.

He said: I cannot select a wife from any family, because I shall find an honourable and prestigious family in the equal rank with me.

However, when I find such a family, they propose such terms, conditions and expenses for marriage that just an “electronic brain” can calculate it! …

I asked: If you mean sufficient education and knowledge by “prestige, honour, …”, I can introduce you to many families having educated and able girls, ready to marry with those like you. If you mean having high human attributes, moral values and or interesting in physical and corporeal privileges, still there are many of such girls among the middle class but noble and honest families.

But I do not think you mean any of them. By an honourable and esteemed family, you may mean that her uncle shall be a general director or general manager, and her parents shall be rich, and have an expensive house and car! Is it true? … I found that he meant the same.

I said: Then, making such a big mistake for evaluating prestige based on these affairs, and not human’s actual privileges, it is not a surprise if you are in such a trouble!

It is interesting that in our Islamic traditions, “being equal in rank” with the wrong concept prevailed at that time among tribes and social societies, has been strongly condemned, and Islam has introduced faithful women and men, girls and boys in the same and equal rank.
We read in Islamic traditions:

المؤمن کفو المؤمن
A believer from any family, race and social class is in the same rank and position as the other believer.

Therefore, if the delusive ideas about class life and social ranking are eliminated, and both parties like each other for what has a human, logical and rational value, not for the positions of uncles and families, wealth, car and property of aunts, the problem will be surely solved. This applies to many other hindrances for marriage as well.

 

In addition to what was explained above, there are always filthy and dirty elements in such societies, who prefer being single to a life of matrimony, called “centres of prostitution” that are an important factor for decrease in marriage as well as dissolution of families.

These filthy centres which are necessarily besides present unhealthy societies are a clear proof for abnormal temper and condition of these societies.

Prostitution and its centres shall not be discussed only in view of being a centre for expansion of immorality and spread of various types of corporeal and mental microbes.

Neither shall it be discussed in view of its effect on the marriage and tendency to singleness, although these aspects require precise discussion and study.

Rather, it shall be also discussed in view of the floozies who gather and prostitute in these centres.

Those who have had precise studies in this regard and have written books after extensive researches, confess that the situation of this group of prostitutes represents the most painful and grievous types of slavery in the middles ages.

They are excluded, forlorn and really helpless women, who are always indebted and burn day and night like a candle to illuminate parties of lust and sensualism, and finally die forsaken in the worst condition, and there is no one even for their burial.

Which conscience authorizes existence of such helpless slaves in the society when it claims to have abolished slavery?!

We shall not forget this pitiful slavery that has been regretfully recognized and affirmed by many modern societies, is the result of facility of illegal relations.

Women bogged down in these fetid swamps of society are often the same victims of illegal relations, who are gradually led to these centres. The story of these women mentioned in some books is undoubtedly one of the most grievous tragedies and a blemish for modern societies, but unfortunately, it is less studied and discussed.

Therefore, for prevention of dissolution of families, fall and decrease in matrimony, and delivering these helpless slaves, this sort of freedom, licentiousness and possibility of illegal relations shall be prohibited. This is not possible save with provision of a proper program.

Considering the above facts, the dear youths shall care more for themselves and their friends, and pay no heed to the well-worn deceptive phrases uttered by unclean individuals for drawing them to these types of licentiousness.

Those who introduce this situation and these centres as a social necessity, and are going to reduce the obscenity and ugliness of prostitution, and rather call this illegitimate action a means of guarding the chastity of families!! and health of youths!!, are really wrong.

Is existence of a fetid swamp resulting in expansion of immorality and even corporeal diseases which are separated from the societies to prevent transmission of taint to the families, a social necessity?