What are the qualities of an ideal father and an ideal mother?

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Question: What are the qualities of an ideal father and an ideal mother?

The answer: An ideal father is one who:

1. undertakes his responsibility well to create a good marital and family life with humane atmospheres.

2. brings his family lawful livelihood without a bit of unlawful.

3. respects his wife as a human being who is equal to him in rights and duties, as Allah has said, (O people! be careful of (your duty to) your Lord, Who created you from a single being and created its mate of the same (kind) and spread from these two, many men and women; and be careful of (your duty to) Allah, by Whom you demand one of another (your rights), and (to) the ties of relationship; surely Allah ever watches over you).

4. cares for the intellectual, moral, and material needs of his children and is generous to them as much as possible.

An ideal mother is one who:

1. understands her role as a mother who has the most important position in educating children and feeding them with love and sentiment and teaching them the meanings of goodness, benevolence, and the afterlife.

2. undertakes her responsibility well and does not lose her patience or give up her task, which is like the task of the prophets and apostles.

3. repels evil with that which is best.

4. prefers the comfort of her husband and children to her own ease and comfort when there is a conflict between comforts.

5. always feels satisfied and content.

6. distributes her smiles of sincerity, satisfaction, and hope of success and progress among all members of her family.

7. does not remind her husband of the work she does inside the house.

8. does not uncover the defects of her husband before others and does not reveal the secrets of their life.

9. looks forward to the reward of the afterlife, pleasure of Allah, and the bliss of Paradise, which Allah has put under her feet if she devotes her intentions sincerely to Allah in this life.

Here, someone may question: why have you decreased the qualities and responsibilities of a father and increased those of a mother? This is not fair, O sheikh!

I say: if the wife has these ideal qualities, her husband will be affected by her and then she will be a practical teacher for her husband too. Then, the famous saying “behind every great man, there is a woman” will become true.

When we reach this fact, we find that it is inevitable to emphasize the great role of mothers in preparing our daughters in the best way to undertake their important roles in achieving the happiness of the society, the progress of the umma, and the guidance of the men and the youth.

To see this fact, you can ponder on the reasons behind the wretchedness of society, the underdevelopment of the umma, and the deviation of men and the youth. You shall find heedless wives, bad women, and deviate girls at the head of these reasons.

Therefore, it has been mentioned in traditions that wealth and women are the most dangerous weapons of the Satan in seducing man and deviating him from truth, justice, and goodness and removing him from the moral paradise of this life and from the real Paradise in the afterlife, in which the pious live in comfort and luxury forever.

History has proved this in the past and in the present. Woman has corrupted and still corrupts whatever is around her if she is corrupted. Even the sincere believers have been felled by corruptive women if they became heedless for a moment.

Thus, responsibility is very heavy for a good mother, especially in bringing up her daughters. Therefore, Islam has made her position higher than the position of a good father. The Prophet (S) has ordered people to be kind to their mother three times more than to their father.

If this becomes clear to you, you shall know the secret behind the plans of colonialists that aim at corrupting daughters and making mothers ignorant, because after that, colonialists can seize the wealth of our countries easily, for they shall not find before them save semi-men.

I have to declare something that is very bitter for every heart that wishes for the exaltedness of Islam and the happiness of man and society. It is that some women who are considered to be religious whereas faith has never entered their hearts have played a dangerous role in disrupting the Islamic unity, drawing the believers into disagreements and setting the fire of sedition among them.

This is clear evidence showing women’s ability of destruction even if they don the dress of religion.

Yes! If a woman has such a great ability of bad influence even over religious people, it is reasonable and wise that much attention should be paid to this great ability in order to direct it towards construction rather than destruction.

Thus, we find that a faithful woman and ideal mother is a more important factor of construction and happiness in life than a faithful man and ideal father.

Source: for a better future

What does Islam say about the ideal age difference between a husband and wife?

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Question: People pay a lot of attention to the difference in age between a husband and a wife. Would you please show me the recommended amount of this difference according to Islam and what the other qualities are that must be paid attention to before the agreement of marriage?

The answer: We have not found any verdict in Islam concerning this matter. When we study the lives of the leaders of Islam, we find that the difference in the ages of the spouses is in different extents. Sometimes a wife is older and sometimes a husband is older. Lady Khadija, the mother of Lady Fatima (a.s.), was married to the Prophet (S) while she was fifteen years older than him, whereas Imam Ali (a.s.) was married to Lady Fatima (a.s.) while he was ten years older than her.

The same is said about the other faithful men and women in the history of Islam. We have not read that they paid much attention, in their marriages, to the matter of age, but rather, they paid attention to other important qualities (of the other spouse) according to the following order:

1. religiousness and faith

2. good morals

3. good family

These are the qualities according to which the believers are considered equivalent to each other. The Prophet (S) says, ‘The believers are equivalent to each other.’

From these three main qualities, the following qualities ramify:

1. intelligence, knowledge, and social manners

2. intellectual and cultural equivalence

3. physical health and freedom from hereditary diseases

4. sufficient income to at least cover the necessary expenses

5. acceptable outward beauty but not at the expense of moral beauty

6. proportionality of bodies as customary

It is customary nowadays that spouses should be nearer in age according to the idea that cultural equivalence results from studying in the modern schools, which means that both are somehow close in age. Equivalence is not achieved when a young woman is a graduate of a secondary school while the young man has been a graduate of a university for ten years, which makes the difference in age between them over seventeen years. Therefore, there is no cultural and intellectual equivalence and accordingly marriage with this extent of difference in ages is not advisable.

Custom has another conception in this field that differences in age form a ground for marital disagreements because interests and hobbies of different generations always cause clashes.

A third conception says that differences in age make one of the spouses maturer than the other due to experiences and this is another cause that leads to conflicts in opinions and situations, which makes spouses disagree with each other.

Another traditional conception is that the difference in age means that the older spouse may die long before the other, and especially if the wife is still young, she will become a widow after the death of her husband and may remain alone.

We agree with these four customary conceptions, but not absolutely. There are many exceptional cases in which the marital life is of utmost happiness and pleasure in spite of the age difference between the spouses.

What is important in equivalence is the educational equivalence and mental maturity, which leads to good behavior, kindness, humbleness, and rapport.

If the main qualities we have mentioned are found in a husband and a wife, they will live happily; otherwise, there will be no happiness even if the spouses are of the same age.

sosource: for a better future

Is it acceptable Islamically to set a high dowry to prevent divorce or ensure that if a divorce occurs the woman will be well-off?

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Question: Some people exaggerate the dowries of their daughters to assure themselves of one of two things: first, that the husband will be unable to divorce his wife, and second, if the husband does divorce his wife, she will get enough money that she can live without troubles. Are these motives justifiable whereas they are contrary to the Prophet’s opinion?

The answer: Excessive dowries change marriage into a trade made for material motives, whereas easy and small dowries bring spouses closer to each other from moral and humane motives. In the first case, marriage is carried out with the mentality of traders, and then a woman is considered as any kind of goods. In the second case, marriage is carried out according to morals and values, and the woman’s actual value is realized.

We can close our eyes and say that a wise man does not say anything unless it has wisdom and benefit, that we may know some of it and not know most of it. This is for an ordinary wise man, then how about the wise Prophet (S), who did not say anything except that it came from the Wisest One of all?!

Yes! The Prophet (S) said, ‘It is from the good fortune of woman that her engagement is made easy, her dowry is made easy, and her pregnancy is made easy.’

What people imagine then is definitely not true because first, they are not more aware than the Prophet (S), and second, when someone wants to divorce his wife, he does that either due to his shortcoming and injustice or due to other justifiable reasons. If he is unjust to his wife, he will leave her alone without divorcing her in order to force her to give up her dowry, and then she will accept divorce without getting a bit of her dowry; otherwise she will suffer until the end of her life, and in this case her dowry will be of no use to her at all. But if the husband is not neglectful of his wife’s rights, people will consider the wife to be mistaken and erroneous. Will she be happy with her dowry when people consider her so? Will someone come to marry her after her reputation becomes tainted, and it is said that she has mistreated her first husband? I think that no one would marry her except if he looks for wealth and lust, and these things do not make a happy marriage and a good life.

Third, why, at the beginning of marriage, which is a sacred and heavenly supported relation, does the family of the girl, who is about to be a wife, think of the guarantees of divorce? Does pessimism not kill the spirit of delight and joy of the ceremonies of marriage?

I think that the high ratio of divorce in our countries is due to the materialistic view, commercial thinking, and pessimistic spirit surrounding marriages from the start.

Thus, many people throw themselves and their daughters into what they would like to escape from because they mistrust what their great Prophet (S) has said to them.

At the same time, while Islam recommends low dowries, it recommends Muslims to not marry their daughters except to religious and honest persons. There is no guarantee better than faith and morals to prevent the occurrence of divorce and injustice after divorce, if it takes place, due to legal excuses.

If the husband is religious, he will fear Allah and refrain from acting unjustly towards his wife, and if he has good morals and treats his wife fairly and kindly, he will not divorce her if she is similar to him in faith and morals. Therefore, a high dowry is of no importance here.

If the wife deserves to be divorced and the husband is faithful but he cannot afford to pay the dowry because of need, the wife will remain suspended until she submits to a divorce without the dowry that she has looked forward to.

Would that these people ponder on this Verse, (And give women their dowries as a free gift, but if they of themselves be pleased to give up to you a portion of it, then take it and enjoy it with right good cheer).

Here, there are three questions:

1. What does “free gift” mean?

It is the gift that a husband gives with his own free will to his wife that is called a “dowry”.

2. What does “but if they of themselves be pleased to give up to you a portion of it” mean?

It means that the wife can give that gift back to her husband with her own free will.

3. What does “then take it and enjoy it with right good cheer” mean?

It is the fruit that comes out of the love that is founded by the mutual exchanging of gifts between the spouses where they enjoy it blissfully.

Therefore, the purpose of the dowry is to achieve true love that will not shake before the problems of life or the mistakes that often happen between spouses. If the dowry is given from a husband unwillingly, shall he love his wife sincerely?

Certainly not! The Prophet (S) said, ‘Be lenient in dowries, because a man may give a dowry to a woman (wife) but it may be as a cause of hatred in his heart against her.’

The Prophet (S) also said, ‘The best of dowries is the easiest of them.’

Imam Ali (a.s.) said, ‘Do not exaggerate in women’s dowries, lest enmity comes out!’

Imam as-Sadiq (a.s.) said, ‘…As for the evil omen of woman, it is her high dowry and disobedience of her husband.’

You will notice that a high dowry of a wife is compared, in an evil omen, with disobedience of her husband.

From that, we note that the excessive dowry is as an evil omen in marriage and a cause of disagreement and divorce, unlike what people think. I ask: can ignorance succeed before the fact that Islam has already announced?

source:for a better future

What is the solution to the trend of excessive dowries being demanded by parents of girls?

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Question: High and excessive dowries have become a sort of competition between people and a cause of pride and boast in the meetings of women. And this is the reason that prevents the youth from getting married, and therefore, corruption spreads and the number of spinsters increases. The worst of the matter is that girls lose more because of the excessive dowries whereas parents do not feel their sufferings, and then when girls do something against their parents’ will, the girls themselves are blamed and not the parents. The question is: what is the solution to this dangerous social problem?

The answer: A Muslim society that turns away from the true Islam strays into troubles and problems forever, unless it turns back to religion sincerely. This is the responsibility of all as the Prophet (S) says, ‘All of you are guardians and all of you are responsible for your subjects.’

Flagrant, material manifestations like high dowries and external beauty have overwhelmed the lives of Muslims to the extent of absence of morals and principles. At the same time, troubles, problems, and enmities have filled their lives.

Islam has openly prohibited excessive dowries. The Prophet (S) said, ‘Do not exaggerate dowries of women, lest enmity comes out!’

When we correlate this saying with the saying of Allah in the Qur’an, (Surely the Satan is your enemy, so take him for an enemy)5, we conclude that exaggerating dowries is something pleasing to the Satan and thus is not a good deed. The Muslim family that accepts dowry as a means of happiness for their daughters actually brings them enmity and unhappiness by exaggerating that dowry.

The Prophet (S) says, ‘The best women of my umma are those of prettiest faces and smallest dowries.6’

In my opinion, “with prettiest faces” means happy mien and bloom and not physical beauty as many people think. There are many women with pretty faces who are sullen and gloomy; therefore, they would not be the best of women even if their dowries were small.

Certainly it is not this that the Prophet (S) has meant by “pretty faces”. Far be it from him to wrong the women who have not been created with pretty faces! Therefore, we are certain that the Prophet (S) has meant the moral beauty that gives woman happy mien, bloom, activeness, and high spirits, and these things are the most important factors of happiness in the marital life. When these qualities come together with a small dowry, a woman will be beautiful and one of the best women even if she lacks material beauty. The Prophetic traditions confirm what we have said. The Prophet (S) said, ‘Whoever marries a woman just for her wealth, Allah will subject him to the wealth. Whoever marries a woman just for her beauty, he will see in her what he dislikes. But, whoever marries a woman for her faith, Allah will gather for him all that he likes in her.’

This is sufficient evidence to destruct the ignorant concepts of the material civilization and restore the religious concepts to people. Whoever turns away from this right path, will be an easy prey for devils from the humans and the jinn.

source :for a better future

I have psychological issues that threaten my marriage; how can I solve my problems?

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Question: I am afraid of the unknown and worried about the future. I feel inward turmoil and psychological instability. Can I find a remedy in religion before my marital life comes to an end?

The answer: The present makes the future. If you manage your present according to good foundations, you will build for yourself a happy future. There is no excuse for your fear if you determine and rely on Allah Who says, (And (as for) those who strive hard for Us, We will most certainly guide them in Our ways; and Allah is most surely with the doers of good).

Starting now, you have to spend every hour of your day in a way that pleases Allah, where if you think about your yesterdays (after your determination), you will be delighted, and this delight is the future that will make you proud of the right method you have determined to follow.

Dear brother, try to forget your painful past, your defects, and all of what hurts you psychologically! Set out towards Allah, Who grants success to whoever relies on Him, and submit to Him, and then, do not worry about any grief or distress concerning this life!

As for your marital life, you and your wife should read a lot to help you plan for a good and peaceful life.

Does he who wants to establish a successful company not read about all that concerns this aim?

You and your wife are two partners, who want to establish a happy life; therefore, you should read about all that concerns this aim.

When you follow this way, you will find in front of you your future clear and pleasant Inshallah.

source : FOR A BETTER FUTURE

What is the opinion of Islam about the period between the engagement and the wedding?

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Question: What is the opinion of Islam about the period between the engagement and the wedding? Some people make the period too long and some make it short. Both have advantages and disadvantages.

The answer: The length of the period depends on the circumstances of the spouses. However, there are some manners that must be observed during this period:

1. Hearty love, intellectual closeness, and mutual visits between the families of the two spouses to better know each other and to strengthen the relations between them are recommended.

2. They should avoid all that may hurt this blessed relation; offensive words, insults, and bad behaviors that cause hatred must be avoided. If some of this takes place accidentally from any of the spouses, they should apologize, excuse each other, and determine not to do that mistake again.

3. The spouses should read books about marital relations to learn the principles, rights, and manners of marriage.

4. They should not mistrust each other or argue over every matter.

5. The wife should learn how to manage the affairs of her new house and should convince herself of her new responsibilities. The husband also has to undertake his new responsibilities outside the house and inside the house in helping his wife as much as he possibly can.

6. During this period, the spouses should avoid doing what should be done on the night of wedding!

7. It is better to make this period short.

8. They should take care of cleaning their bodies and getting rid of unpleasant smells, especially the smell of the mouth by brushing the teeth five times before every prayer, or at least three times, before and after sleeping, and after lunch. They should use perfumes because the Prophet (S) always used perfume and he had recommended his Umma to also use it, except for women who should not use perfume except for their husbands or their mahrams in order to not incite the lusts of others.

source : FOR A BETTER FUTURE

Can a man wear a gold wedding ring?

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Question: The gold ring has become the symbol of correlation between spouses, while in the Sharia it is unlawful for men to put on gold. Is there any exception concerning wedding bands?

The answer: There is no exception. A Muslim man has to test his faith in this critical position — whether he should obey his God or his desire.

Then, for what is all this insistence on a ring of gold? If the golden color is inevitable before people and cameras, the ring could be gilded for this purpose.

In our opinion, it would be better for the wife to put on a silver ring with a stone of carnelian on her husband’s right pinkie while reciting blessings and peace on Muhammad (S) and his progeny and hoping that love will continue between them until they leave this world with a good end.

source :FOR A BETTER FUTURE

What is the opinion of Islam about singing and dancing in wedding ceremonies?

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Question: What is the opinion of Islam about singing and dancing in wedding ceremonies? The opinions of people are contrary; some say it is lawful while others say it is unlawful.

The answer: In Islam, they are unlawful. The Prophet (S) has said, ‘Allah has sent me as mercy to people, and to eradicate musicals, pipes, and the habits of the pre-Islamic era (jahiliyyah).’1 It is because play, amusement, and singing do not meet with the aims of mercy, worship, and closeness to Allah.

Jurisprudents have agreed that during the night of the wedding, singing poetry with good and polite meanings is lawful, especially if it has praises of the Prophet (S) and his progeny. Some jurisprudents have permitted classical and quiet dancing, which is not mixed (between men and women) and which does not excite lust.

This exception (in permitting singing and dancing) is limited to weddings. Abu Baseer narrated, ‘Once, I asked Abu Abdullah (Imam as-Sadiq) (a.s.) about the income of a songstress (the money she gains for singing) and he said, ‘It is unlawful for one, to whom men come, but there is no problem for the one, who is invited to weddings.’

The wisdom in this exception is that Islam has made a distinction between marriage and adultery. Since adultery is done without the presence of people, Islam has intended for marriage to be performed openly and with attractive sound so that people can recognize this new marital relation between these two persons.

Many arguments have taken place between jurisprudents about the new methods in the world of singing and music. Many of them have considered singing and music unlawful because they cause many bad consequences. From the instruments of music and amusement, which incite lust, unlawful behaviors begin besides the bad poetry used in songs and the mixing between men and women until major sins are committed. Then, no excuse will remain for the angels to attend and bless that marriage.

Those who try to close their eyes to these unlawful doings under demonstrations of istihsan (approval) and assent have ignored that Islam wants weddings to be performed in spiritual and moral spheres fitting the principles of Islam and not the desires of the disease-hearted people who imitate the corruptive methods of the West.

We disagree with using instruments of amusements to turn weddings, which are acts of worship, to a stage of unlawful doings and behaviors. We reject the inviting of the Satan and the preventing of the angels to attend this honorable occasion.

The believers, who desire to be free from bad deeds until the Day of Resurrection, should avoid all that is performed by bad and disobedient people in their weddings, and thus they will be kept away from those upon whom Allah has brought His wrath.

Let us think about it in this way: would any of our infallible Imams (a.s.) attend a wedding in which singing and dancing were practiced if he were invited to it?

If we suppose that we are in the age of the reappearance of Imam al-Mahdi (a.s.) and he is amongst us now, what will he think about our behaviors in the wedding?

Come! Let us make this faith in the unseen and our love for the Ahlul Bayt (a.s.) the criterion of our behaviors on the occasions of joy so that Allah may bless these occasions for us.

We hope that the believers adhere to the limits of Islam and do not follow the Satan who wants them to fall in his traps and lose the blessings of weddings, which are from the Sunna of the Prophet (S) and the recommendable acts that are semi-obligatory.

source:FOR A BETTER FUTURE

6 Strategies o Build Confidence in Our Children

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confidenceAll children are created worth wise and are due the rightful personal respect and dignity. But how can we, as parents, build strong egos and indomitable spirits in our children? There are strategies by which we can instill confidence and self-worth:

  1. Examine Your Own Values

Are you secretly disappointed because your child is ordinary? Have you rejected him, at times, because he lacks charm or is awkward? Do you think your child is stupid?

A sizeable portion of a child’s self-concept emerges from the way he thinks you see him. When the child is convinced he is loved and respected by the parents, he is inclined to accept his own worth as a person.

Many children know they are loved by their parents, but don’t believe they are held in high esteem by them. A child can know that you would give your life for him, yet still detect your doubts about his acceptability. You are nervous when he speaks to guests. You interrupt to explain what he was trying to say, or laugh when his remarks sound foolish. Parents need to guard what they say in the presence of the children.

Parents must also take the time to introduce children to good books, to fly kites and play football with them, listen to the skinned-knee episode and talk about the bird with the broken wing. These are the building blocks of esteem.

  1. Teach a “Think Positive” Policy

 One of the characteristics of a person who feels inferior is that he talks about his deficiencies to anyone who will listen.

While you are blabbing about your inadequacies, the listener is forming an impression of you. He will later treat you according to the evidence you have provided. If you put your feelings into words, they become solidified as fact in your own mind.

Therefore, we should teach a “think positive” policy to our children. Constant self-criticism can become a self-defeating habit.

  1. Help Your Child Compensate

Our task as parents is to serve as a confident ally, encouraging when children are distressed, intervening when threats are overwhelming, and giving them the tools to overcome the obstacles. One of those tools is compensation. An Individual counterbalances weaknesses by capitalizing on his strengths. It is our job to help our children find those strengths.

Perhaps a child can establish his niche in arts. May be he can build model airplanes or keep rabbits or play football. Nothing is more risky than sending a child into adolescence with no skills, no unique knowledge, and no means of compensating. He must be able to say: “I may not be the most popular boy in the school, but I am the best football player in the team.”

I recommend that parents assess a child’s strength, and then select a skill with the best chance for success. See that he gets through the first stage. If you find you have made a mistake, start again on something else. But don’t let inertia keep you from, teaching him a skill.

  1. Help Your Child Compete

 A parent who opposes the stress placed on beauty, brawn and brains knows his child is forced to compete in world that worships those attributes. Should he help encourage his “average” child to excel in school?

I can give you only one opinion. I feel I must help my child compete in his world as best he can. If he is struggling in school, I will seek special coaching. We are allies in his fight for survival.
But while helping my child to compete, I also instruct him in the true values of life: love for mankind, integrity, truthfulness, and devotion to Allah.

  1. Discipline With Respect

 Does punishment, and particularly spanking, break the spirit of a child? The answer depends on the manner and intent of the parents. A spanking, in response to willful defiance, is a worthwhile tool, but belief in corporal punishment is no excuse for taking about your frustrations on little child; it offers no license to punish him in front of others or treat him with disrespect.

It is important to recognize however, that one way to damage self-esteem is to avoid discipline altogether. Parents are the symbols of justice and order, and a child wonders why they let him get away with doing harmful things if they really love him.

  1. Avoid Overprotection

 Preparation for responsible adulthood is derived from training during childhood. A child should be encouraged to progress on an orderly timetable, taking the level of responsibility appropriate for his age. An overly protective parent allows the child to fall behind his normal timetable.

Source: Family Life written by Aisha Mutuku

What Are Three Stages of Upbringing a Child in Prophet’s View?

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03d214cThe Holy Prophet (peace be upon him and his family) said:

The child is the master for seven years (1st stage) ; and a slave for seven years (2nd stage) and a vizier for seven years (3rd stage) ; so if he builds a good character within 21 years, well and good, otherwise leave him alone because (if you looked after him for 21 years) you have discharged your responsibility before Allah.

As the first stage is a care-free period, it has been called mastership; the 2nd stage means taking orders from teachers and parents, therefore it has been called slavery; in the third stage the child is expected to help his parent in earning his livelihood, so it has been named viziership.

For each of these periods, the Islamic shari `ah has given some guidelines.

First Stage: Mastership

It has been explained that the child should not be burdened with books in this period. But this does not mean that his mind’s faculties remain suspended. On the contrary, the atmosphere of society continuously influence the child’s mind, though he himself is not aware of this process. Therefore, it is essential to give utmost priority to the proper upbringing and character-building.

The best way to inculcate good behaviour in children is to behave with them with good grace. In this way, they will learn etiquette, good behaviour and noble character. The Holy Prophet said: “Respect your children and teach them good behaviour, Allah will forgive (your sins).”

It is emphasized that children should be kept in a good environment. The Holy Prophet said: “O’ `Ali, it is among the rights of the child on his father to . . . teach him good manners and keep him in good society.”

Also, it is desirable to gradually give them religious training, because the impressions gained in childhood are very difficult to erase and if respect and love of religion is infused in his mind in childhood, he will always remain attached to the religion. The syllabus of such training is given in the following hadith

`Abdullah ibn Fadl narrates from al-Imam Muhammad al-Bdqir (a.s.) or al-Imam Ja’far as-Sadiq (a. s. ): When the child reaches 3 years, teach him seven times to recite ( la ilahailla ‘ llah). Then  leave him at that till he is 3 years 7 months and 20 days old; then train him to say (Muhammadun rasulu ‘llah ). Then leave him at that till he completes 4 years. then teach him seven times to say (salla ‘llahu ala Muhammadin wa aali Muhammad). Then leave him at that till he reaches the age of 5 years; then ask him which one is his right hand and which one is the left. When he knows it then make him face qiblah and tell him to do sajdah (prostration).

This is to continue till he is 6 years of age. Then he should be told to pray and taught ruku` (to kneel down) and sajdah. When he completes 7 years, he should be asked to wash his face and hands, and then told to pray. This will continue till he reaches the age of 9 years, when he should be taught proper wudu’ (ritual ablution before prayer – and should be punished if he is not careful) and proper salat (prayer – and should be punished if he is not regular). When he learns proper wudu’ and salat Allah forgives the sins of his parents.

Every sentence of this valuable hadith deserves attention. See how gradually the child taught his duties of the shari`ah without putting any burden upon him. of course, a child may be taught wudu’ and salat in a short period of 3-4 days when he is 12 or 13 years old. But that crash-programme training will not have the benefits of that gradual and early training recommended in the hadith.

Second Stage: Slavery

Now comes the period of formal education. It is the most crucial period of life, the foundation-stone of the future. Islam directs that in this period a child should first be given necessary religious education so that he may not be misled by anyone in belief or action.

Al-Imam Ja’far as-Sadiq (a.s.) said:
Make haste in teaching your youngsters hadith before they are approached by murji ‘a or Murji’ite (a wrong sect).

Children are like a green, tender branch; they may easily be bent in any direction. If they are not given proper religious education at this stage, then only Allah can save them from misleading influences.

Unfortunately, our people do not care at all about this instruction. There was a time when the teaching of the Qur’an and elementary religious subjects was a MUST. Alas! now our children in quite a tender age are sent to such institutions where inconspicuously they are saturated day in and day out with anti-religious propaganda. No wonder that when they grow up the anti-religious feeling also grows up to become a deep-rooted bias.

The Holy Prophet emphasized the teaching of two things to male children. He said: “It is the right of the male child on his father to . . . teach him the Book of Allah . . . and riding and swimming.”

Al-Imam Ja’far as-Sadiq (a.s.) said that it is the duty of the father to teach his son writing.

These traditions guide us to compulsorily include `Religion’, `physical training’ and writing in the syllabus of male children. In addition, other subjects (which are in conformity with the aptitude of the child or are necessary for earning his livelihood) may be added. In other words, the above-mentioned three are compulsory subjects while others are optional.

A separate syllabus has been prepared for the girls.

The earlier mentioned hadith of the Holy Prophet goes on to say:
And if the child is female then it is her right that she . . . should be taught the surah of ` Light’ and she should not be taught the surah of Yusuf and should not be allowed to go on the roof or windows.

According to the Qur’an and traditions, what she is obliged to learn and do is as follows:
She must learn the fundamentals of faith and the commandments of the shari `ah; and obey her husband by allowing him his conjugal rights.

But she is not obliged to earn her livelihood; nor is she duty-bound to take up the drudgery of domestic work. Similarly, it is not her duty to bur den herself with matters concerning the general welfare of society, nor to learn various subjects other than those mentioned above, nor to participate in industrial or agricultural ventures.

She is not obliged to do so. But if she acquires such additional knowledge, or perform her domestic work, or participates in matters useful to society, it will be regarded as her additional excellence, provided she keeps within the limits of hijab ( woman’s veil) imposed upon her by the shari `ah. To sum it up, the girls should be given such an education which makes them the “Light of the Home” not a “Decoration of Public places.”

Our readers should note that even a part of the Qur’an (i.e., Surah of Yusuf) is not permitted to girls to learn because it contains the references to the love of Zulaykha towards Prophet Yusuf (a.s.). Seeing this restriction, those Muslims who allow their children (and especially girls) to read sexy novels, visit cinemas where they are practically taught all kinds of obscene thoughts and deeds should be ashamed of their irresponsible behaviour. Such parents should be ashamed of themselves, if they have an iota of Islamic feelings left in their hearts.

Third Stage: Viziership

This is the period of earning one’s livelihood. But it is not possible to go into the details of “Livelihood” here.

Also, this is the period when children should get married. And much emphasis has been given to getting girls married as soon as possible.

The Holy Prophet said that it is the right of the girl upon her father that he should make haste in sending her to the house of her husband.

It is very unfortunate to see many Muslims nowadays ignoring and neglecting this responsibility till the girls sometimes reach the age of 35 or 40 years; and then nobody wants to marry those old maids. The harm which is done by this “irresponsible parenthood” is too obvious to need any description. But the sad facts is that their attitude is governed by snobbery – sometimes it is financial superiority and sometimes it is caste or clan – and those people would rather let their daughters grow into old spinsters than marry them to a young man of good character who is not equal to their financial or tribal status.

The Holy Prophet said that “Every believer is equal in status (in matter of marriage) to any other believer.” But we are so much influenced by un-Islamic cultures (based on caste or race system) that we tend to look down upon our bright Islamic culture. May Allah have mercy upon us.

The same hadith guides us about male children; that they should be married when they be-come mature. It does not necessarily mean that the boys should be married just after reaching the age of 15 years.

The first marriage of the Holy Prophet was performed when he was 25 years of age. Amir al-mu’minin `Ali (a.s.) also married Fatimatu’z Zahra’ (a.s.) when he was 25 years old. But even then, there is no criterion for age. The only thing which matters is that when a young man becomes emotionally mature and he feels an urge to enter into matrimonial relationship then he should get married without any delay. It is a condition which cannot be measured by age or time.

At this stage the parents’ responsibility towards their offspring comes to an end. If anyone brings up his children remaining within these Islamic limits, then that child surely will be the apple of the parents’ eyes and the delight of their hearts; and it is this child who, in his turn, may be hoped to fulfil his obligation towards his parents.

Referring to such offspring, the Holy Prophet said that “The virtuous child is a flower from the flowers of Paradise.” Also he said: “Among the good fortunes of a man is the virtuous child.”

Source: Islamic Family Life written by Allamah Sayyid Sa’eed Akhtar Rizvi