When Should Parents Start Upbringing Their Children?

From the time a child is born until he separates from the family to establish a shared life with others, he passes through two phases in his upbringing.

1. Childhood, from birth until the age of seven, is the time when the child is not well prepared for direct instruction as he does not know his world.
2. From the age of seven to the age of fourteen is the time when the intellect grows gradually, in preparation for intellectual activities. In this stage the child can learn and be instructed.

In the first period, instruction has to be indirect without commands and psychological pressure. Rather, the child becomes familiar with good manners and is instructed by the people surrounding him. In fact, the moral foundation of his character is laid and good memories and proper treatment become etched in his mind.

In the second phase, the child should not be left free to behave and do as he pleases and his faults should not be ignored. Rather, his ill manner should be discouraged and he should be taught order and discipline, while emphasizing the proper use of time and he should be encouraged to perform religious worship and do good things.

Unfortunately, most people do not know when to begin to train their children. Some parents believe that instruction should begin after the age of six and some say that instruction should begin at the age of three.

Nevertheless, such beliefs are incorrect because when a child has completed the third year of his life, 75% of good and bad characteristics have already become formed in him.

A number of psychologists believe that the training of a child begins from the moment of birth. However, some others are cautious and say that the training of a child begins on the first day of the second month after his birth. In depth practical research at the University of Chicago has reached the conclusion that:

“Any healthy child gains 50% of his intelligence by the age of four, 30% by the age of 8 and 20% by the age of 17. Then, any 4-year old child has 50% intelligence and the changes between the ages of 2 and 3 are far more important than the changes between the ages of 8 and 9.”

For training to be effective, one has to begin much sooner than is generally thought nowadays, i.e. from the very first weeks after birth. First, one has to consider the physiological issues and from the first year, the psychological issues.

One point to consider is that the value of time is not the same for a child as for an adult. One day at the age of 1 is much longer than the same period of time at the age of 30 and it perhaps includes six times the physiological and psychological occurrences. Therefore, one should not leave such a fruitful period of childhood unused, for in the first six years of life, the outcome of the performance of the rules of life is more definitive.

It is because of this that Imam ‘Ali said, “He who does not learn in childhood, cannot progress in adulthood.”

Therefore, childhood is the best time for learning the right way of living because the child is very apt to imitate, adopt and learn. At this time, the child records in himself all the movement, speech and behavior of the people surrounding him, with the utmost care, as if recorded on film.

Therefore, the child’s psyche needs to be guided to the right path simultaneously with his physical growth and development because it becomes very difficult at the adult stage to change the character of one who was not properly instructed in childhood.

The happiest people are those who have been reared in a correct and healthy manner from the very beginning and who have adopted good characteristics.

According to some psychologists, a child is like a sapling that the gardener can easily change according to his own plans. Yet, correcting those who are like old trees and have grown accustomed to bad ways, is very difficult indeed. One who intends to change the attitudes of such individuals must endure many hardships.

Source: The Prophet’s Attitude towards Children and Youth written by Muhammad Ali Chenarani