After a reversal of fortune, my husband became a bitter and difficult man and it is harming our whole family; what can we do?
Question: My husband was a rich man, but later on his wealth was lost in a terrible economical crisis. After that his morals, mentality, and conducts changed. His face became angry, and his tongue uttered bad words. He threatened anyone and anything at any excitement. Our house became like hell, and our relatives and people decreased their visits to us and some of them stopped visiting us at all. I cannot help him except through speech, which does not change or reform him. Please, what would you advise me to do in order to save him and my children from the effects of this crisis?
The answer: In order to recover, your husband has to:
1. believe in asceticism and subject himself to it. It has been mentioned in a tradition that “he, who renounces the worldly pleasures, makes little of misfortunes”. Imam Ali (a.s.) has said, ‘All asceticism is between two words in the Qur’an. Allah has said,(So that you may not grieve for what has escaped you, nor be exultant at what He has given you).
He who does not grieve for the past nor becomes glad at the future practices asceticism from its two sides.’
2. strengthen his belief in the will and fate of Allah. Imam as-Sajjad (a.s.) is reported to have said, ‘O my Lord… delight my soul through Thy decree, expand my breast through the instances of Thy wisdom, give to me a trust through which I admit that Thy decree runs only to the best…’.
3. ponder over the dimensions of this tradition narrated by Imam al-Baqir (a.s.), ‘whoever keeps people safe from his anger Allah will keep him safe from the torment of the Day of Resurrection.’ He who ponders on this tradition will not throw himself into the torment of the afterlife after getting out of the torment of this life in order to not lose both.
4. know that the Giver is Allah and the Withholder is Allah too and know that a part of material losses belongs to man himself. Many times the losses come after having disobeyed Allah by lying, cheating, doing wrong, wasting, excessive misspending, and abstaining from giving the deserving people their legal dues. I do not ascribe these qualities to your husband, but I invite him to review the reasons of which he is aware and then try to reform himself first. If he truly reforms himself, Allah will grant him great livelihood again and abundantly.
Imam Zayn al-Abidin (as-Sajjad) (a.s.) said, ‘good saying increases one’s wealth, grows livelihood, delays death, makes one beloved to relatives, and enters him into Paradise.’
6. convince himself that losing wealth is much easier than losing one’s children or family and the loss of wealth is easier than the loss of health. Nothing is more precious than good morals and comfortable nerves, by which wealth and glory can be regained.
I pray to Allah to grant us a happy life with lawful wealth, even if it is little, and to keep us away from unlawful wealth, even if it is a lot, because it increases grief and distress and does away with the sweetness of living with loved ones and close relatives.