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How to Cure Backbiting?

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cure-backbitingThe Messenger of Allah (S) explains Ghiba  in the following words, “Ghiba  is remembering your brother in a way he dislikes.” (Makasib Muhrima)
Imam Sadiq (AS) says, “Ghiba  is exposing that aspect of your brother which Allah had concealed.” (Makasib, al-Kāfi Vol. 2 page 358)
Imam Mūsa Ibn Ja’far (AS) says, “If one speaks of a person in his absence about those of his traits which are actually present in him and people are also aware of it, it is not Ghiība. But if he mentions something which is present in the person but people are unaware of it, it would be Ghiība. Moreover if what he says is not present in the man, it is allegation (Bukhtān).”

If someone, God forbid, has been guilty of this ugly act, he or she must purge this vice and nourish the roots of sincerity, unity, and solidarity in his or her heart by following these steps:

  1. Meditate for a while about the effects of this sin in this world and in the Hereafter. Reflect on the fearsome, frightful forms that will beset you in the grave, in the Barzakh, and on the Day of Resurrection. Heed the words of the Holy Prophet (s) and his household (‘a) for their pearls of wisdom in this regard will overwhelm you. Then weigh a quarter of an hour’s pleasantries, gossip, and satisfaction of the imaginative lust against thousands upon thousands of years of adversity or eternal damnation in hell and everlasting painful chastisement!
  2. Consider this: even if you have enmity toward a person whom you backbite, that animosity requires that you should not resort to backbiting. It is stated in the traditions that the good deeds of the backbiter are transferred to the book of deeds of the victim of his backbiting, and the victim’s sins are transferred to the record of the backbiter.
  3. Repent and seek the forgiveness of the victim, if this is possible without any chance of vicious consequences; otherwise, you must implore God’s mercy for the victim.
  4. Gather all your strength to rid your soul of this sin at all cost, by making a covenant with yourself to abstain from this abominable for a certain time. Bring your tongue under control and be fully watchful of yourself, steadfastly vigilant, calling yourself to account. God willing, it is hoped that after some time you will find yourself reformed and free of its ill traces. Gradually the burden of the task will ease, and you will feel a natural disposition to dislike and detest it. At that point, you will come to possess spiritual peace and delight in achieving freedom from this vice.
  5. Backbiting often results from a weakness in the backbiter’s own soul, such as an inferiority complex. You should pry into your soul to discover what weakness prompted you to backbite your brother or sister; then set out to remedy the weakness.

How to Cure Our Lying?

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lyingTo lie means to say something that you know is wrong on purpose.

We all know that lying is a great sin. The bad thing is that we do not realize how often we are doing it.

Our Sixth Imam said that it is more difficult to repent for many small sins than for one big sin.

Remember the story of the two men who came to Imam to repent for their sins.
Prophet Muhammad (S) has said:

“Leave falsehood and make speaking the truth a habit.”

“If a person has a habit of speaking lies, he is a hypocrite until he rids himself of the habit.”

To lie is Haraam because you are deceiving others. There are many reasons why people lie, some of them are:

  1. as an excuse to get yourself out of trouble;
  2. to cheat somebody out of something you want;
  3. to get someone else into trouble.

As you can see, all the above reasons are bad. If you have done something which gets you into trouble, then you should face it, and not lie your way out of it because that is being very irresponsible.

Holy Qur’an also tells us not to lie:
(2:42) “And cover not Truth with falsehood, nor conceal the Truth when you know (what it is).

Prophet Muhammad (S) has also said:

“Beware of association with the liar for he is like a mirage which draws the far one nearer to you and the nearer far from you.”

If you make the habit of lying, then you will lie very often without realizing. You will lie to your family, your friends and everybody you meet. Then one day you will be caught out because you will have trapped yourself in a corner, and there will be no escape.

Also if you make a habit of lying you will start doing other things which are even worse. One evil leads you to another. So it is necessary for all of us to confront this ugly habit. There are some practical recommendations which can be helpful:

  1. Make a commitment to stop. Treat lying as you would any other addiction, make a serious commitment to quit. It’s going to require a lot of hard work and thought, so set a date after which you vow to be honest and get a plan in place to help you be successful. Reading this article is a great first step.
  2. If you can’t say something true, don’t say anything at all. When you’re faced with a trigger and tempted to tell a lie, stop yourself from speaking at all. If you simply can’t be honest in the moment, it’s better to stay quiet or change the subject. You are not required to answer questions you don’t want to answer, or reveal information you don’t feel like revealing.
  3. Practice actively telling the truth. If you’ve been lying more often than not, telling the truth really does take practice. The key is to think before you speak, and decide to say something true instead of false. Again, if you’re asked a question you can’t answer truthfully, don’t answer. The more you tell the truth, the easier it will become.
  4. Make honesty the core of your character. Honesty is a character trait that is highly valued across cultures and societies. It’s a quality that is honed through the hard work of being strong in difficult situations year in and year out. Let truth, rather than lies, become your automatic response when you’re faced with the trials of life.

 

How to Cure Our Arrogance ?

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arrogance Imam al-Sadiq (A) says: `Verily kibr (arrogance) is the lowest degree of ilhad (apostasy)’

Kibr is the name of a psychic state in which a person feels a sense of superiority and behaves high-handedly with others.

Its signs are discernible in his actions and its symptoms are clearly noticed by others by which they know that he is proud.

This perception of superiority and supremacy over others causes in him a state of vanity which is arrogance.

Kibr, in this sense, is an inner state, and when its effects are reflected in his behaviour and his speech, it is called takabbur.

 In short, the self-indulgent person becomes self-seeking, and his self seeking tendency grows into self-love, and when this self-love is filled to the brim it manifests itself as haughtiness and high-handed treatment of others.

Now that you have known the viciousness of arrogance, it is now your duty to resolve to cure yourself of this disease and to make up your mind to purge your heart from its taints and remove its traces and its heavy dust from the mirror of your heart:

  1. My friend, if you are proud of your spiritual attainments, they (i.e. the Prophet and Imam ‘Ali) were over and above all of us in this respect; and if you have arrogance in your office and authority, they possessed true sovereignty. Yet, in spite of it, their humility and modesty was more than of anybody else. This shows that humility is the product of knowledge and wisdom, and arrogance is the outcome of ignorance.
  2. Free yourself from the ignominy of ignorance and the disgrace of petty-mindedness;
  3. Acquire the attributes of the prophets and shed the qualities of Satan.
  4. Do not contend with your God regarding His mantle of Arrogance and Glory, as His wrath will subdue the contender and he will fall on his face into hell-fire. If you make up your mind for rectifying your self, the way to do so is also easy if you are somewhat persevering. You will not encounter any peril on this way if you move with manly resolve, freedom of thought, and high-mindedness. The only way of overpowering your carnal self and repelling the insinuations of Satan is to act against their incitements.
  5. No other way is better for crushing the desires of the self as adopting the traits and qualities of the modest and following their behavior and character. In whatever stage of arrogance you may be, and to whatever scientific or professional field you belong, you are advised to act against the inclinations and desires of the self.
  6. By discovering and meditating about this-worldly and other-worldly consequences of arrogance, it is hoped, your journey will become easier and you will reach the desired goal. If your self wishes that you should take the seat of chairmanship of the gathering or to take precedence over your colleagues and equals, you should act against its desire. If your self incites you to refrain from joining the company of the poor and indigent, admonish it severely and resolutely go and sit in their company, dine with them and travel with them.
  7. It is possible that your inner self would try to prevent you by arguing that you are a person of a higher position and that it is essential to keep up your esteem and dignity for the sake of the propagation of the Shari’ah, that sitting with the poor will undermine your respect in society, that humor with the subordinates will be injurious to your authority, that occupying a lowly place in gatherings will affect your status and then you will not be able to perform your religious duties properly… and so on.

[And the last point is that] be certain that all these are guiles of the Devil and wiles of the self. You have read and heard about the behavior and character of the Holy Prophet (S), whose worldly position was incomparably superior to you.

 

How to Cure Our Jealousy?

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jealousy_scrabbleJealousy is a low spirit and attitude in its possessor causing him/her to wish for another to lose something he/she has. But how is one supposed to struggle against “jealousy”?

This is a disease so it must have a remedy. What is the way to acquire the remedy? In order to answer the question on the roots of jealousy and its remedies, one must be aware of the following points:

1) Definition of Jealousy

Jealousy is a low spirit and low ego causing the jealous person to wish for others to lose what they possess, let it be something that the jealous person imagines as valuable or something that is truly valuable, making no difference that the jealous person also possesses the same thing or not, and if not, will reach it one day or not.

2) The difference between jealousy and Ghibtah

Ghibtah is a state of mind in which an individual wishes to possess a virtue or object like that of which others have, without wishing for others to lose theirs.

3) The difference between jealousy and Gheyrah

Gheyrah is a state of mind in which one wishes that others wouldn’t have bad traits and unacceptable attributes.

4) The reasons behind why one becomes jealous

Each of these reasons is separate, such that each by itself can cause one to be jealous, therefore the more the reasons, the more jealous one can get and as a result, the harder it will get to remedy such a problem. Here are some of its reasons:

  1. a) Inner corruption: Some people are so bad that they just can’t stand the fact that others have what they don’t.
  2. b) The feeling of being low and of no worth: Meaning that since one feels very low and worthless, he/she can’t see others being of importance and personal worth.
  3. c) Selfishness and being obsessed with one’s self: In this case, the jealous person wants to be the only one praised by others and is very self-centered and therefore wishes for others to lack what may cause praise and fame.
  4. d) Hatred: Since the jealous person is enemies with someone, he/she can’t stand him/her possessing anything good or any beauties and praiseworthy virtues.

5) Ways of dealing with jealousy

  1. a) Thinking about the negative mental and spiritual effects it can have on the person and his/her nerves. For instance, jealous people are always upset and depressed, because god-given blessings are endless and infinite (and God gives bestows them on anyone he pleases), causing them to continuously burn in the fire of worry, depression and anger.
  2. b) Thinking about the bad effects that the Prophet (pbuh) and imams (as) have stated that it has on one’s religion and hereafter; Some of them are as follows:

Jealousy spoils one’s religion, ruins one’s faith, causes one to turn away from God’s authority and friendship and hate what he does, results in Allah’s rejection of one’s worship and repentance and Shafa’ah (intercession), ruins good virtues and is the source of many sins.

  1. c) Strengthening one’s faith in Allah (swt) and his traits and actions; and that any materialistic or spiritual blessing he bestows on anyone, is a result of his compassion, mercy, justice, wisdom, and his testing us, and that if he doesn’t grant something to a certain person, it is a test on his behalf to see what he/she will do, or it is for him/her to reach higher spiritual ranks and be of a higher position in the hereafter, etc.
  2. d) Obtaining high spirits that oppose the roots of jealousy; For instance, instead of being ugly on the inside, being pure and of high morale. Instead of feeling poor and worthless because of not having what others do, being of high character and integrity. Instead of being selfish and self-cantered, being humble and God-cantered and familiar with Him, and instead of enmity towards others, choosing to be friends with them.
  3. e) Doing or being the opposite of what jealousy calls for; happiness instead of worry, being good-humored instead of bad-tempered, and commending others instead of speaking ill of them.
  4. f) Calling Allah and supplicating him, since he is the All-Sufficient; being free of any need and also frees others of need.Supplication is the best and most effective method for curing mental and spiritual illnesses such as jealousy. During supplication Imam Sajjad (as) says: “Oh God, I seek refuge in Thee, from …and the domination of jealousy…”