What would you say to the wife of a heavy smoker that feels unable to quit?

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Question: My husband is a heavy smoker. The place in which he smokes is like a chimney. Everything in our house has the smell of cigarettes. Thus far, my children and I have not even felt the smell of perfumes. Doctors say that the harms of smoking are more dangerous to those around the smoker than to the smoker himself. My husband knows well how much we suffer from his smoking, but he often says that his willpower does not help him in giving up smoking. What would you say to me, to him, and to those who suffer like us?

The answer: One’s will becomes strong if he strengthens his culture, which is mixed with piety and caution for the ends. When we read that medical researches and actual experiments have proved smoking to have serious harms for the smoker and for others, we become certain that a smoker is a victim of his desire and his saying that his will is weak is but a justification for his submitting to his desire.

I know a man who smoked for 40 years and then he gave up smoking, and his son smoked for 20 years and then he gave it up. I also know an old man who smoked up until 25 years ago, but then he gave up smoking. When smokers say they have weak wills and determinations, they just uncover the control of their desires over them. I say that because I myself have suffered from the harms of smoking in my larynx because smokers would not abstain from smoking in the meetings where I ascended the minbar to give speeches. I still suffer from this harm and ask Allah to forgive those who have caused me to suffer.

The fact is that cigarette smoking, which is the worst thing Muslims have adapted in their lives, cannot be justified by any rational reason, especially when it causes harms to others and violates their right of breathing pure air.

Therefore, most jurisprudents consider smoking unlawful on the basis of its “harm and harming”, and even if some jurisprudents are lenient to smoking addicts in permitting them to harm themselves, they do not permit them to harm others. The atmosphere is for all, and keeping it safe is obligatory on them. A permitted smoker has to smoke in a place where he shall not harm others.

Hence, it is required of every religious person who smokes to ponder over his act from the legal aspect and the aspect of the moral principles associated with it.

This is in general, but as for this sister and her question about her smoking husband, I would like to present to her a story of a clever wife that she may benefit from this successful experience.

Once, a wife of a smoker said to her husband, ‘Every day you spend a dinar to buy two packets of cigarettes. Would I also not have the right to take a dinar from our expenditures every day if I were a smoker?’

Her husband agreed, and based on this logical evidence, she took a dinar every day. She saved them until there were 358 dinars after a year. Then she called her husband to the yard. She brought the money with a match in her hand to show her husband that she wanted to burn the money.

Her husband cried out, ‘Have you lost your mind? Do you want to prove the saying of Imam Ali (a.s.) that “women have deficient minds”?’

The wife said, ‘Do you see any signs that I have lost my mind?’

He said, ‘Is there a sign clearer than setting fire to these dinars?’

She said, ‘It is my money and I could have burnt it every day like you but I collected them in order to not lose more than one match and in order to not burn with them my health and the health of those living with me who have the right to breathe pure oxygen. And since you take the word of Imam Ali (a.s.) as an excuse, let me tell you that Imam Ali (a.s.), the great leader and the generous man, was far above to mean with his wise words what you and your like interpret, O my dear husband!’

Being defeated before this clear, practical proof of his wife, the husband opened his mind and submitted to the inevitable truth. His intelligent wife went on to say, ‘Imam Ali (a.s.) was afflicted with a woman who was used as a means to fight him by some men who called themselves companions. Imam Ali (a.s.) gave a speech on this occasion, and said those words to reduce the influence of their plot. In this speech, Imam Ali (a.s.) said about those men, ‘O semi men and no men!’

The faithful women understood what Imam Ali (a.s.) meant by these words, and therefore, they did not object to him or ask him about his intention because it was so clear. In fact, those women supported him in all situations and they remained sincere to him and defended him even after his bloody martyrdom when his soul ascended to the Kingdom of Allah and to His great contentment.’

With these words this wife was able to make her husband stop playing with the meanings of the words of the infallible imams (a.s.) and to make him give up smoking.

The husband was enlightened by the intelligence of his wife and her good analysis of religion and history. Therefore, he made his decision to immediately give up smoking.

Soon, his wife decided to give him that money as a gift for his willpower and as a reward for his humbleness.

Dear sister, this is an experiment from which you and others in your position can benefit. I hope that husbands may take lesson before they meet intelligent wives, for the facts show that when some women know the truth of religion, they definitely become more reasonable than men.

FOR A BETTER FUTURE

My wife follows a religious authority mujtahid different from what I chose, and now she asked me to follow the mujtahid she follows or to divorce her, what should I do?

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Question: I imitate (follow) a religious authority (mujtahid) that I have chosen by my will after I have read his Islamic thoughts, which comply with the present age. There are millions who imitate him all over the world.

My wife agreed to marry me even though she knew about this matter (my choice of mujtahid). But now, a year after our marriage, she asks for me to either imitate the mujtahid she imitates or for me to divorce her. Before this request, we used to discuss the matter a lot. I did not imagine that someday it would deserve to be discussed to this extent or that it would be a cause for wasting our time and annoying our nerves besides that it might be a cause for divorce!

In the beginning, I paid no attention to her request. I heard from one of her relatives that she had known, since the beginning of our marriage, about my imitating this mujtahid but she had said that she would be able to make me change. Now, after her attempts have failed, she comes to me asking me to divorce her.

I am confused and indignant at the same time. I am confused as to what I should prefer; should I submit to this stickling wife who asks for an illegal and inhumane thing or should I submit to the destruction of my marital life and the wealth I have spent in establishing this life?

I am indignant too because I thought that religion was a means of happiness and mental comfort for man, but why do those who ascribe to themselves religion and call themselves Ulama’ throw their ignorant followers into fanaticism? By doing so, they distort the truth of religion and the fame of the good Ulama’ and mujtahids and destroy the happiness of man. Why do the honorable religious authorities and scholars not deny these calamities, which deal deathblows?

I heard about such a matter that happened or caused marital disagreements, but I did not expect that it would happen to me.

Why do some speakers stress the disagreements and political disputes between some religious authorities and leaders while praising their own leaders and exalting them to the level of infallibility and charismata? Why do they think that no one is good besides them and that those who do not adopt their opinions are deviates and misled?

For what is this extremism? Whereto do these persons want us to get with their narrow-mindedness? Has the time not come yet for our authorities to fight these mockeries, which are practiced under the pretence of supporting the religious authorities themselves? I apologize for violating the decorum of politeness. Please, excuse me if I was somewhat harsh in my speech! There is no power save in Allah, the Exalted, the Great.

The answer: Dear brother, I find you right, wronged, and calling for reform. These are the qualities of one who does not leave the true religion just because the pretenders have practically left it.

May Allah bless your faith, certainty, and taqlid. I pray to Allah to bless your marriage and your patience too. Allah always blesses the intentions of the sincere people because He has promised that He will not waste the reward of good doers.

Dear brother, this problem is one of the results of entering into the world of politics without having an immunity of piety in the heart. The manifestations of piety that do not come from the heart are too many! The philosophy of these manifestations is that man is to be tried and then he either becomes more faithful or he perishes along the way. Without being tried, man shall not attain the high degrees of Paradise nor shall he be thrown into the abyss of Hell. May Allah protect you, us, and all the Muslims from the flame of Hell and the moaning of its inhabitants.

You should know that when piety abides in the heart, immunity, which resists the prevailing of envy, fanaticism, injustice, oppression, superiority complex, and the omitting of others from the religious and social stations of activities, will be born.

I wish that those people would at least once in their lives ponder over the speech of Imam Ali (a.s.) about the qualities of the pious people. Piety, as the master of the pious Imam Ali (a.s.) explained to his companion Humam who flew high towards his lofty goal longing for Paradise and fearing the Fire, is the required immunity for every true Shia. If anyone finds this piety inside him, let him enter any field to which his legal duty guides him, whether the field of culture, trade, politics, war, family, sitting in loneliness, or at the table of negotiations. However, this piety has disappeared from the lives of many people in our present age and so their lives have entered into the darkness of injustice; sometimes it is the injustice of the husband to his wife, the wife to her husband, the parents to their children, the members of the family to each other, or the neighbor to his neighbor and sometimes it is the injustice of the government to its people, the people to their leaders, or countries to each other, and so forth. I ask: can he, who is unjust to others, defeat injustice?

There are many Qur’anic verses and prophetic traditions that have warned Muslims of injustice. The Prophet (S) said, ‘Beware of injustice, for it is the darkness of the Day of Resurrection!’

About party spirits the Prophet (S) said, ‘He who is fanatic fanaticizes will take off the noose of faith from his neck.’

In some books I have written about denying fanaticism and disagreements, especially concerning the religious authorities. The most important thing that I have written criticizing this phenomenon and giving curative alternatives you can read in my book (Stories and Ideas from the moralities of Clergymen). In more than 700 pages of the book you will find important instructions about this concern that you and your wife can both benefit from. You can also refer to our books in general where we have tried to treat this destructive disease through Qur’anic verses and the instructions of the Prophet (S) and Ahlul Bayt (a.s.). I pray to Allah to make us succeed in treating our intellectual, mental, familial, and social diseases or in limiting them.

(He said: O my people! have you considered if I have a clear proof from my Lord and He has given me a goodly sustenance from Himself, and I do not desire that in opposition to you I should betake myself to that which I forbid you: I desire nothing but reform so far as I am able, and with none but Allah is the direction of my affair to a right issue; on Him do I rely and to Him do I turn).

The reform that all disputers feign has certain morals and principles, the head of which is piety as Imam Ali (a.s.) said in one of his traditions. With true piety and by knowing its criteria, man can understand the limits of truth and falsehood in all cases.

Imam Ali (a.s.) said, ‘Does it please you that you are from the triumphant party of Allah? Fear Allah the Almighty and do good in all your affairs, because Allah is with those who guard against evil and those who do good (to others).’

The Prophet (S) recommended Abu Tharr by saying, ‘O Abu Tharr, in working with piety be more careful than your care for work.’

However, we find that most of the fanatics who feign religiousness are enthusiastic in their actions but inattentive in their positions with regards to piety and to what the Holy Qur’an has said, (Allah only accepts from those who guard (against evil)).

Dear faithful brother, be pious and let your worships and situations be sincere to Allah to receive His great contentment!

Politics, presidency, fame, praises, and lifting pictures without piety or the acceptance of Allah are but mirages leading to perishment.

I know some persons who expended their efforts in boyish disputes and quarrels that turned the happiness of some spouses into unhappiness and began spreading rumors against whoever disagreed with them in thought until they set the fire of disagreements and quarrels. However, some of them changed their positions after they realized that the facts could not be seen in the dust of the quarrels and the smoke of disagreements.

I hope that those who come after us will take a lesson from this historic period, whose bad deeds have eaten away its good deeds. I hope they will not intrude on each other and kill their powers and abilities over trivial things. Let us heed this advice from our pure leaders of Ahlul Bayt (a.s.) who said, ‘Strive and make every effort! If you do not do so, then do not disobey. Whoever builds and does not tear down, his building will rise even if it is simple, and whoever builds and tears down, his building will not rise.’

I wonder at the followers of different religious authorities who defy death in their disputes!

These authorities differ in opinions because they are mujtahids, and the legal duty of any mujtahid is to stick to his own opinion; otherwise he will be an imitator of other than himself. However, the blame is on the followers; why do they dispute, on which basis do they quarrel, and by what right do they exchange names against the names of the mujtahids!

We are proud of all of our mujtahids, and we tell the world that we believe in freedom of opinion and our evidence of that is the multiplicity of opinions of our mujtahids. Is it not wrong for the followers to deform this shining face of the freedom of Ijtihad  in our Hawzas?

You can see in the following one of the situations when our mujtahids disagree in opinion and how nicely they deal with each other. One of the great Ulama’, who has written many books and accompanied many mujtahids in Iran, told me that in the beginning of the year 1962 AD, and before the uprising of Khurdad took place in Iran, when Imam Khomeini (may Allah have mercy on him) began increasing his criticism against the extinct regime of the Shah, the great Ayatullah al-Akhond al-Hamadani thought that the position of Imam Khomeini would not serve the goal that Imam Khomeini intended; therefore, he sent Sheikh Abdurraheem, the teller of this story, to Imam Khomeini to tell him word by word: “Al-Akhond al-Hamadani sends you his greetings and says to you, ‘O Abu Tharr, slowly, slowly!’”

Sheikh Abdurraheem said, ‘I went to the meeting where Imam Khomeini was giving his lecture. After he finished his lecture, I went out after him and waited for him to be alone so I could deliver the oral message to him, without allowing it to fall into the trap of spies or being heard by any of his attendants because the message was special. I followed him until he stopped near the tomb of the late mujtahid Ayatullah Sayyid al-Buroojerdi to recite the sura of al-Fatiha for him. I seized the opportunity, approached him, and told him the phrase as it was, no more no less. Imam Khomeini replied to me saying, ‘Send him my greetings and say to him: O Salman, rise, rise!’

Dear reader, notice how these mujtahids respected each other. Al-Akhond al-Hamadani addressed Imam Khomeini as “Abu Tharr” because Imam Khomeini was revolutionary in his actions like Abu Tharr was and did not submit to injustice and deviation. Imam Khomeini addressed al-Akhond al-Hamadani in his reply as “O Salman!” He compared him to Salman al-Farsi in his steadfastness, devotedness, and asceticism. Both Abu Tharr and Salman were great companions of the Prophet (S); they might have been different in their situations but with no enmity to each other, rather each of them had his own opinions according to the area of his legal duty. In the same way, those who bore the similitudes of Abu Tharr and Salman sent each other highly polite messages within the morals of Islam although they were different in analyzing the situations and different in their opinions.

At the same time when you see our mujtahids have the morals of the first companions, you see those who pretend to be their followers have the morals of other than them.

Is this the right line of Islam, which Imam Khomeini and other mujtahids wanted and made great efforts throughout their lives to serve?

Yes, there are mistakes, but they are distributed amongst all. No one can be proud that he is free from mistakes or defects. No one is infallible. Since it is so, let each side keep silent! They should not provoke each other or criticize each other baselessly, for ultimately the two sides would lose.

Therefore, each one should act according to the mujtahid whom Islamic freedom has permitted to be imitated and followed. Let the youths undertake legal responsibility with all its moral dimensions. This is the method we impart in our instructions, as we have received from the Holy Qur’an, the conducts of the Prophet (S) and his guiding progeny (a.s.), the events of history, and our experiences in this age.

Acting according to this method requires some important steps:

1. Acquiring knowledge and information by continuously reciting the Qur’an and reading its interpretation, reading traditions and their meanings, and reading good books published by this Islamic school

2. Heartily concentrating on achieving the good end

3. Watching one’s deeds to serve that very goal

4. Respecting others even if they are dissenters

5. Observing equanimity, solidity, morality and gravity

6. Being certain of the truthfulness or falseness of any news that comes to one’s ear

7. Improving one’s mental and intellectual abilities and all the means leading to Islamic goals, and this requires paying attention to these listed steps and also avoiding selfishness and dictatorship

8. Being courageous in taking decisions to change what one has accustomed himself to

9. Complying oneself with news events and being aware of contemporary issues

10. Always praying to Allah for success and being humble to the truth

Dear brother, with these points in mind, I hope your wife will return to her reason. If she is sincere to her religion, she should ask the mujtahid whom she imitates to give her a fatwa. I am sure that he will deny her situation, and ask her to be reasonable and live in peace with her husband.

FOR A BETTER FUTURE

What would you say about a woman who went to the West and adopted unIslamic shameful behaviors?

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Question: My friend and his wife, after spending two years in the West, came to their country to visit their families and friends. The shameful clothes of this wife, the exciting colors on her face, and the perfumes she sprinkled on herself inside and outside the house attracted the attentions of all. When she sat with the women, she showed off and became proud to such a degree that she made them laugh at her shape.

Unfortunately, she is from a religious family. She had not been so before she emigrated to the West. All her family disputed with her, but she faced them with pride and haughtiness and spoke to them impudently and with no Islamic morals. The least of her words to them was “you are still reactionary”.

It is said that her husband fears to resist her; therefore, he lets her alone lest she fall into sin as has happened to many women in those countries, which support the independence of women from the economical side and that paves the way for them to go wherever they like.

What is the obligatory way to deal with such a wife, especially when her husband is weak before her?

The answer: This phenomenon results from previous causes. The most important cause is a weak religious education in beliefs and morals. It was obligatory on her family to plant the facts of religion inside her and to teach her the realities of this world and its deceiving faces.

If this woman is submitted to psychologists, they, unanimously, will say that she suffers from an inferiority complex and she, with her behavior, wants to repair her defect and solve her complex according to her illusory imagination.

Since this wife is insolent and throws her silly words impudently, I think it would be better for her husband to treat her with wisdom and good exhortation, but whenever it is possible, he should dispute with her in a wise manner to achieve a good result. But, if it is possible that this may lead her to be stubborn or to fall into sin, it would be better then to be patient with her until Allah will bring forth the fruit of the wise efforts and good exhortation.

It is important in dealing with women like her, that have been dazzled with the West and have collapsed in fancies, to pay careful attention to politeness and to the Islamic morals when repelling evil with good in order to limit their stubbornness and to prevent their fall.

The husband of this wife must not neglect her case, especially not her emotional satisfaction. Let him permit her to wear any kind of clothes she likes as long as it is inside his house. He should prove his love for her in every possible manner. At the same time, he should speak to her frankly that her behavior, which displeases Allah, disgusts him and shakes his love for her. Does any lover like to disgust her beloved and shake his love for her? This husband should realize that the shameless behavior of his wife makes other men covet her and visualize her in their laps. Does this please a husband with jealousy and a wife with abstinence and conscience?

This is besides other problems that she may face from men who she may excite and who may unexpectedly rape her. As for the problems of the grave, the afterlife, and the torment of Fire, the matter is very difficult and the talk is very long!

I hope that this Muslim woman and those like her are criticized with attention to the previous points and with emphasis also on another important point and that is to explain the disadvantages of displaying a woman’s charms before foreign men. Some examples from Western societies can be shown besides showing stories of western girls who have been guided and have believed in Islam and kept to the veil and abstinence.

Here, as an example and to encourage our girls, I would like to mention the story of a Danish woman who was the wife of a young Shiite man from Lebanon. He told me that his wife had become a Shiite Muslim and resigned from her job, from which she gained a lot of money. She made spreading the teachings of Islam her honorable job. She said that she did not want to see Muslim girls and women fall into what the Western girls and women had fallen into.

She always read Islamic books and after reading them, she would give them to other girls for the sake of Allah and to guide those girls to Islam and to its high humane teachings.

He said about his active wife that she offered prayers a lot and she was very devoted to her religion and veil. Whenever she met a Muslim woman who was a deviate or inclined to the Western way of life, she would enjoin her to do good deeds and forbid her from doing bad deeds saying, ‘we have known the emptiness of our material civilization and given it up and become proud of Islam. Why are you so dazzled by what we have tried and desisted from?’

Indeed, this Danish woman is a source of pride. There are millions like her in the Western countries. Allah has made them as a proof for our women and girls who are emigrants in those countries and for those in our Muslim countries who imitate the western fashions and way of life. Thus, Allah gives them His full proof lest they will have an excuse against Him on the Day of Resurrection, the day of painful torment.

I ask this young woman, who is captured by her fancy and who calls her family reactionary, to ponder over the words of Imam Ali (a.s.) when he said, ‘Shyness and abstinence are from the qualities of faith, the natures of the free, and the aspects of the pious.’

Is the bondage to lusts and desires considered freedom or the belief in Allah the Almighty and obeisance to Him?

FOR A BETTER FUTURE

A woman’s husband has died; should I not allow her temporary marriage with my husband to satisfy her needs?

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Question: My husband asked me to agree to his marriage with another wife in a temporary marriage, but I refused. However, when I pondered on the verdict of the Sharia in permitting temporary marriage, my mind and senses guided me to agree and encourage him to do so. I asked myself: this woman’s husband has died, but her sexual lust has not died. Then, how should she satisfy it? Unlawfully or by suppressing it or by lawful temporary marriage?

There is no doubt that the third choice is the right one, which Islam has legislated. However, Umar bin al-Khattab prohibited it, and it was his personal opinion and for a certain period, as I think. If temporary marriage was not prohibited (by Umar) and if this prohibition did not last for the following ages, the doors of adultery would not have been opened to society. It is mentioned in traditions narrated from the Ahlul Bayt (a.s.) that if temporary marriage was not prohibited, no one would commit adultery except scoundrels. No noble man will go towards adultery while the door of lawful temporary marriage is open to him. This door has been opened by the Wise Creator, Who is more aware of the truth of man and the requirements of his lust than anyone else.

Yes! This was my thought when I gave my husband my permission to marry that widow, but after that, he did me wrong. He went too far and exceeded the limits in practicing temporary marriage until he started ignoring me. He did not even think of the family’s needs.

I am still satisfied with the verdict of our great Sharia and will not allow myself or others to deny or suspect this verdict, but I hope that you can give some advice to men who are like my husband. Is this my fair reward? Has Allah not said, (Is the reward of goodness aught but goodness)? Please, excuse me for lengthening my speech and thank you for answering me.

The answer: Dear faithful sister, it is mentioned in one of the traditions that “do not put wisdom near other than its people for you will wrong it, and do not prevent it from its people for you will wrong them”.

Dear sister, your situation results from your kindness and religious understanding, but your mistake is that you have put this wisdom near other than its people for whom it was intended. A man like your husband, whether you do him good or not, will carry out what he wants and will cover his actions with religion if he pretends to be religious; otherwise he will commit his wrong in an irreligious way, paying attention to nothing.

The problem lies neither in the verdict of the Sharia nor in your good situation, which pleases Allah, but the problem lies in your guilty husband. Be certain that Allah will not waste your reward because He is just and you are benevolent and patient. Besides, you will get your reward for your feelings towards that widow. May Allah bless you and make you succeed in your life and afterlife.

FOR A BETTER FUTURE

Could you give some instructions for what remains of the life of a spinster who regrets being unjust to herself by turning down many earlier proposals?

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Question: I was an unveiled girl at the university. I fed on the worldly cultures until I became self-conceited and thus killed my chance for happiness. One young man after another would come asking for my hand, but I kept refusing, wishing for the knight of my dreams to come, but he never did, or he might have been one of those who came but I could not discover him because of the mirage of my illusions and the facade of my wishes. Thus, I missed the boat of marriage and now I am one of the millions of spinsters. I regret, but uselessly. I have repented to Allah of what I have committed against myself. I do not know where I shall be after my death. I hope that girls and their parents might take a lesson from my case and refrain from complicating the conditions of marriage when a religious, high-minded young man comes asking for the girl’s hand. How long does man plan on living that he complicates this life for himself? Our Islam, the religion of ease, has emphasized religiousness and morality when selecting spouses because it sees in them a sure guaranty to achieve the rest of the conditions of happiness, which are just branches of these two conditions. After this foreword, my question is to ask for instructions for what remains of the life of a spinster who regrets being unjust to herself. Would you please answer me?

The answer: Dear sister, may Allah bless you! I pray to Allah to make your present and future better than your past and to recompense you for what you have missed with the best of that for what you wish as a reward from Him for your repentance, change, and loving heart that wishes goodness for others. I pray for you sincerely that you may defeat the obstacles in your way, and Allah will be with you in this life and in the afterlife if you are with Him.

I have read in your letter bitter sufferings and I feel sorry for your state. May Allah help your heart and damn that culture which has killed your happiness. I join my supplication and the hope and call of your supplication to warn Muslim girls of this predicament before they fall into the same error into which you fell.

Yes, there is no happiness save in going back to the pure culture of Islam. It truly is the culture of ease and bliss.

My instructions to you are as follows:

1. You should build your afterlife with every good deed.

2. You should spend your time with satisfying the needs of the believing women and guiding them to good and righteousness.

3. You should spend the rest of your life in spreading religion by every wise means, for example by publishing books, collecting donations for charitable projects, and the like.

4. Try to learn literary writing and giving speeches and practice them for the sake of Allah only and not to show off!

5. Always ask Allah to forgive you!

6. Adorn yourself with Islamic morals in every case!

FOR A BETTER FUTURE

Would you please show us the verdict of Islam towards the situations of the growing numbers of women who are divorcees, widows and spinsters?

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Question: In our family there is a divorcee, and amongst our relatives there is a widow besides three spinsters. I see this state as irregular, though it is as a result of our society’s ignorance of Islam, which they construe as just praying, fasting, and some other traditional rituals. They have turned their backs on the verdicts of Islam concerning polygamy, temporary marriage, facilitating marriage, and avoiding the habits from the time of ignorance. Would you please show us the verdict of Islam towards the situations of these women?

The answer: The phenomenon of the large numbers of divorcees, widows, and spinsters is universal. In our Muslim societies, it is supposed that this painful phenomenon would be limited if we followed all the principles of Islam without preferring one to another as we like, but, unfortunately, most of the Muslims have missed this way!

Islam is clear in its position towards this phenomenon. We can notice this through the following points:

First, Islam places certain conditions and limits for divorce, which cannot be executed easily.

Second, when a divorce takes place, Islam gives the option to a divorcee to remarry and not remain single.

Third, Islam has legislated the laws of polygamy and temporary marriage within conditions of justice and morality.

Fourth, Islam has facilitated the procedures for marriage with no strictness or difficulty.

Fifth, Islam has recommended people to treat these women with the utmost politeness, kindness, and respect and to feel and care for their sufferings. Islam has promised a great reward for this.

Sixth, wealthy people should establish centers and foundations to employ these women in works befitting their abilities, such as sewing, nursing, cooking, weaving, handiworks and the like, and then the products should be sold, and the profits should be given to the workers themselves, to help the orphans, to cure the sick, or to establish other charitable foundations.

FOR A BETTER FUTURE

how to get over my constant heartache and longing for home and family.

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Question: I live with my husband in emigration. He is very kind and does not deprive me of my rights as a wife. I am proud of him and of the sound children Allah has given me through him. Praise be to Allah. However, being in a state of emigration away from my relatives and country troubles me. I have been deprived of my relatives and country because of my husband who is one of the political oppositionists to the state. This matter causes me continuous worry. I do not know how to convince myself of the reality around me while my heart is aching with memories and longing for my country. I fear that my state may affect my relationship with my husband. Please, show me a solution to my case and accept my thanks!

The answer: Dear sister,

First, thank Allah for the faithful, mujahid husband you have! Those who have such qualities are few. As a part of thanking Allah, you should continue being patient with the difficulties of emigration and requirements of jihad. You should always remember that Allah has promised the mujahidin great reward and virtue, and they will enter Paradise without any reckoning.

Second, man has the ability to adapt himself to all environments. He can grow accustomed to whatever is around him, but it is culture and willpower that lead him to either happiness or wretchedness. Try your best to strengthen your willpower and culture but in a way that pleases Allah the Almighty!

Third, you may read the biographies of those who have preceded us in faith, emigration, and jihad for the sake of Allah, for history has great, useful, and inspiring lessons!

Fourth, you should be certain that life is unstable. It does not remain as it is; a wind brings the tide and another brings the ebb, and Allah has the power to do anything at any moment.

Fifth, you should read a lot about the decree of Fate, because believing in this great concept cures many of our psychological and material problems.

Sixth, you should put your griefs and ambition in the frame of your marital life and darling children and make their happiness be the first and last goal in your life. It is this that will benefit you in this life and the afterlife. Let other matters and that which concerns other people be in the second and third degree. Do not mix up what is more important and what is important, because preferring the second one to the first will make you fail.

Seventh, you should know that the problems in the present age have spread in all countries, and your mother country is different now from what it was in the days of your memories. Conducts, morals, new generations, imported cultures, the types of economical and social relations, and whatever else you can imagine have become different and have changed since your emigration. It is not right, in evaluation, to dream of life in the past criteria and then walk behind their mirage.

Eighth, in your spare time, you should occupy yourself with social relations with your neighbors and with families who are in the same situation as you. The feeling of emigration disappears when man mixes with people of identical sufferings.

Ninth, you can assign yourself a mission to work for, according to your circumstances and intellectual level. Being busy with a certain goal closes the gaps of tiredness and exhaustion and brings one closer to success.

Tenth, you should always remember that life is short and a reasonable person is he who takes advantage of it to choose the best fruits before he misses the boat. Many are those who have emigrated and lived with their faith and then died (while in emigration) and will be in Paradise; whereas, if they had remained in their countries, they may have been among the people of Hell. How often it is that living in the motherland country for some believers, and even for those who have lost their faith, is bitter and difficult while it is not so after emigration.

FOR A BETTER FUTURE

Can you advise how a young woman married to a very old man should behave to observe his rights ?

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Question: I have a young friend whose husband is very old. Sometimes, she asks me: what is a suitable conduct that meets the rights of the husband in order to please Allah? Then what are the rights of this young wife with a great ambition on her husband? What will her fate be after the death of such an old husband? I am not able to answer my friend’s questions except in general points, which are not sufficient. Would you please say what could persuade her and those like her? Thanks.

The answer: First, we should say that she has married willingly. She has not been forced to accept an old man as her husband. If it is so, she has to accept the consequences of her choice and be a good wife to her husband without comparing him to young husbands. The first one to compare and perish, and cause others to perish with him, was Iblis, and Allah has warned us of following him.

As for death, people’s ages are in the hand of Allah. How often it is that young people die and old people participate in their funerals! Let us suppose that her husband dies as others die, whether she is young or old at the time. Then, she has to do as widows do. She must wait for a new prospective husband or become patient as most widows or as spinsters do who accept reality and adapt themselves to its requirements. This kind of marriage does not mandate worrying about the future or being melancholy. A polite and religious old man is better than a reckless young man.

The important thing is submission to fate and then to behave according to the Islamic morals. Satisfaction, as stated in the traditions, is a treasure that has no end, and contentment is a rest that discontented people will not taste.

FOR A BETTER FUTURE

What is the right behavior to adopt if one of the spouses is polite and high-minded but not religious and pays no attention to lawful or unlawful things, purity or impurity?

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Question: What is the right behavior to adopt if one of the spouses is polite and high-minded but not religious and pays no attention to lawful or unlawful things, purity or impurity?

The answer: If this does not cause a conflict, it will be better for them to live as two spouses and continue loving each other, hoping that Allah may guide the unreligious one to be religious and then they may live happily according to the principles of Islam. But if this attitude will cause a conflict between them, for example, if the husband forces his religious wife to take off her veil before his friends or to serve drinks for his guests or to give up prayers and fasting, first, he must be advised either directly or indirectly by other persons. If this is useless, then the rupture of relations should be followed. Sometimes, the rupture of relations is in the form of a separation to force the other side to reform himself/herself and sometimes in the form of divorce. It is better that these stages should be carried out under the supervision of a religious and wise family counselor. The objective is not to give up the religious obligations, for no obedience to a creature is worth disobeying the Creator. What is the value of the creature for whom man disobeys his Exalted Lord?

A religious wife has to take the Pharaoh’s wife as her example, as has been mentioned in the Holy Qur’an, and a religious husband has to notice the example of Prophet Lot towards his wife. Man will withstand if he looks forward to the happiness of the afterlife, for this life with all its sweetness, which is mixed with the bitterness of problems, is evanescent and not eternal. Sudden death often happens in our present age. Do you not see how our youths are surprised by death and swallowed by graves without a prior notice? Being caught up in the pleasures of this life, which may be for a short time, is followed by deprivation of eternal pleasures in the bliss of Paradise, which Allah has prepared for the pious.

FOR A BETTER FUTURE

How to deal with a spouse who has moral or psychological defects and is not willing or able to reform?

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Question: My question does not concern me. It is about how to deal with a husband or a wife who has qualities of nervousness, stupidity, ignorance, indifference, obscenity, or haughtiness but insists on adhering to these qualities and does not accept advices or think of reform.

The answer: I advise the people, who are afflicted with such spouses, to regard what they consider to be important things in the light of their benefits. Sometimes patience and silence are preferred because they are the best ways to defeat the problems that lie in the way of success as mentioned in one of the traditions “He is happy whose tongue is silent and whose speech is little but meaningful”, whereas at other times divorce and separation must be preferred.