Would you please do us a favor by showing the stages of the cultural growth of children in the light of the Islamic view?

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Question: Would you please do us a favor by showing the stages of the cultural growth of children in the light of the Islamic view?
 
The answer: There are four stages:

First, the stage of suckling, which begins from birth and lasts until the child becomes a year and a half. In this period, the child receives his cultural growth through his attempts of success and failure. The mother must undertake her basic role in this important stage because the child is a deposit of Allah in her hand. If she does not help him to begin his life with the name of Allah, he will get to the Satan and the responsibility will be on her.

Second, the stage of childhood, which is composed of two periods: the first one begins after the year and a half of suckling up until the age of seven and the second period begins from the seventh year up until the twelfth.

The child learns in the first period – until the seventh year of his age – words, concepts, morals, and habits by watching and imitating. Therefore, those who are responsible for educating the child must pay close attention to this opportunity of teaching the child good morals and habits. These morals and habits can be noticed when the child imitates his father or mother in some of his plays such as the way of their speaking, gaits, and looking.

In the second period – until the twelfth year – the child begins analyzing meanings to comprehend bigger things. However, the family still has an effective role on his growth, but it is less than that of the first period because, in this age, the child is connected with school and classmates, and therefore, his presence among his family becomes less than before, and on the other hand, his mind opens for other things.

In this period, the child looks for a role model. It is very important for parents to either be good examples or find their child a good example to imitate. The socio-psychological studies have showed that most of the deviate youth and criminal men were, in this period, receiving their deviate and criminal lessons from their bad role models. Let parents beware that their children not take their role models, in this period from seven to twelve, from films or other programs that they watch.

Third, the stage of adolescence, which is from the twelfth until the eighteenth year. This is the most critical stage of growth that the Prophet (S) has described as “a kind of madness” and Imam Ali (a.s.) has said, “It is intoxication”.

The physical changes that take place in this stage are:

1. Quick growth; some changes take place in the outer shape of a man in this stage that cause a teenager to often look at himself in the mirror and ponder long over his new shape.

2. Change in the tone of a teenager’s voice to becoming rough and hoarse

3. Growth of the sexual lust; if a teenager is not instructed with the lawful and the unlawful concerning the matter of sex, he will become involved in sin.

The psychological changes are:

1. Excitement and nervousness

2. Secret thinking and pondering over what will happen

3. Feeling independent

The changes in the practical field:

1. Mutiny and objection

2. Taking occasional and sudden decisions without premeditation

3. Acting and then thinking

4. Taking famous persons as examples

5. Not accepting the supervision of others; a teenager does not tolerate the direct ordering or forbidding from his parents.

6. The desire of venturing and showing one’s personality

In this stage, the influence of parents on the youth weakens while the influence of the street, school, and the outside becomes strong. If parents spend the previous stages with their child in the correct way, they can easily, in this stage, connect their child with mosques, Islamic foundations, good scholars, and faithful friends to help them pass this stage without troubles; otherwise, the hands of the devils will snatch him to educate him with the culture of the people of Hell.

Fourth, the stage of youth, which begins after the eighteenth year when the storm of adolescence gradually calms down. Now, a young person begins his/her practical thinking of his/her scientific and professional future and thinks of choosing a spouse. This responsible state continues and becomes stronger after marriage and parenthood. Due to past and present cultural spheres, discernment and serious thinking emerge in one’s personality. The general social spheres and the cultural establishments surrounding man have a great effect on forming his personality.

What is the best way to raise children and teenagers: closely watching and managing their affairs, or trusting them and giving them freedom?

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Question: I am often confused as to how to deal with my children. In this age, in which corruption has spread everywhere, I do not know which way I should follow in educating them, especially those among them who are teenagers. I am very careful for them and precise in watching them because I am afraid that they may do some things secretly that may displease the Lord. Their father is opposite to me and this causes disagreements and disputes between us many times. He says that my way will lead them to deviation while I think that his way in not watching them will be responsible for their deviation if one day it happens-Allah forbid! What do you think, Your Eminence?

The answer: Moderation in everything is the aspect of the umma that Islam wants us to adopt. We are people of a religion that permits neither waste nor excess. It announces clearly that (And thus We have made you a medium (just) nation that you may be the bearers of witness to the people and (that) the Messenger may be a bearer of witness to you).

Dear sister, if you are excessive in the educating of your children, please read carefully what I quote here from a letter written by a twenty year old young man to his mother complaining of his state to her for she has been excessive in watching him. He says:

‘I like to choose my concerns by myself. I like if you would permit me to try life. I like to travel by myself. I like to…

But you always say to me: if an accident happens to you, then what? If some misfortune afflicts you, then what? If…

You still want to catch my hand and take me with you wherever you like. My opinion and thought have no value in your judgment.

You say to me: What if you fall into an accident? Or you are involved in a trap? Or you commit a sin? Or you become corrupted…?

O mother, everyday you repeat these words many times instead of guiding me with what I should do in order to not fall into an accident or become involved in a trap or commit a sin or slip into corruption!!

O mother, now I am twenty years old, but I have no will. Do you know why?

It is because of your excessive fears; you have killed confidence inside me. You have prevented me from learning self-confidence in taking decisions because you always made decisions for me. Perhaps, you wished to sit beside me on the chair in my classroom fearing that I might make mistakes in my school lessons!

O mother, today I am unsuccessful in my social relations. Between myself and those of the same age, there is a big difference in mentality. They say to me: O weak, fearful, pampered, coward…

Yes, I really am so. I fear all. I trust in no one. I have no hope for the future. Today, I am unable to even choose my university specialization or my future job.

O mother, I like to do many things, but your “NO” makes me give up everything. With this “NO” you have closed my way. I think if you could breathe for me, you would…!’

Dear sister, with the aforementioned lines, I do not want to say that you are mistaken in watching your children, but I want to say that too many warnings that exceed reasonable limits will have the exact opposite effect from what you want.

By the way, it is said that one day a father saw his son on the front edge of the house’s roof and ordered him to go back lest he should fall down. The son went back a few steps, but the father, out of his fear for his son, ordered him to go back further and the son went back a few more steps. The father was still worried and ordered his son to go back even more until the son fell down from the other side. The father hit his head crying: O my son!

It is necessary for parents to know that each age has its own particular moralities that should be acknowledged within the general topic of morals in Islam. Let us not complicate our children and then cause them to appear abnormal among people! At the same time, we should not let them be so free to do whatever they like as if they have no religion and forsake the best of the heavenly religions.

You would be better off in allowing your children to advance in their lives, but with teaching them virtues and warning them of vices and their ends.

When you detect some deviation in them, you must suppress your anger and be calm and give them advice in a wise way. You should know that Allah has opened the door of repentance to His people, especially to the youth, and He knows they are weak. Hence, you should not suspect them and not be severe to them because this will take them away from religion and make them resist and go astray.

Besides all this, you should discuss the matter with your husband if he is lacking in his relation to the children. You should sit together and formulate wise methods of dealing with your children because they represent you before others and will replace you after your death. See how you want others to regard you!

What are practical methods for raising upright children?

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Question: How should we educate our child and feed him with religious teachings, moral values, social principles, and historical lessons? Could you suggest a practical and successful method?

The answer: There are still fathers and mothers like those of the past who at bedtime tell their children nice stories with useful meanings and in a wonderful manner of telling. Many of those meaningful stories have educated children with sound concepts, and when they became old, they still remembered them and took sufficient lessons from them.

In our present age, we should not ignore the sincere efforts of those who spread modern Islamic information through audio and video cassettes, CDs, magazines, and books. May Allah reward them with the best of good.

It is wrong to think that a child does not understand or comprehend what we mean or that he does not benefit from our stories. The Islamic experts, based on the traditions of Ahlul Bayt (a.s.) and different experiments, have discovered that a child is able to comprehend the meanings of others’ words from the fourth month in his mother’s womb. Therefore, traditions recommend mothers to recite the Holy Qur’an during the period of pregnancy and after giving birth even if it is through audio cassettes because a child responds and reacts to the Qur’anic inspirations, which have an influence on his mentality, morals and behaviors when he grows up. Similarly, the azan and iqama are recited in the two ears of a newborn child.

Thus, a meaningful story with good moral and social contents leaves a constructive effect on the personality of a child in the present and future.

From among the necessities of education at this stage is buying some books for the child that fit his intellectual level, and it does not matter if he tears them, because after tearing the tenth book, for example, he will make friends with the eleventh book. He will keep it safe and read it. Here you can win his friendship with books throughout his life, and the loss of tearing ten books in comparison with this winning is not so important.

Parents can read to their child from the storybooks of children, and they will thus kill two birds with one stone, because the child will like books and benefit from the contents of the stories at the same time. I suggest that you hang this statement on the most noticeable wall in the house: “a good book should be read several times, discussed several times, and relied on throughout one’s life.”

My wife does not visit friends and family because she wants to take presents but they are beyond my means; what do you suggest?

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Question: My wife does not visit our relatives or my friends’ wives, because she dislikes visiting them without taking presents with her to give them. Unfortunately, the presents she thinks of are not cheap, and my financial state does not allow me to buy such presents. What would you suggest?

The answer: This kind of thinking results from the influence of worldly cultures, which have prevailed over the life of people and made them forget their religious culture. The worldly life always exhausts people, separates them from each other, and deprives them of their happiness and joy. It was so and is still so, but people still do not take lessons.

Islam has emphasized the necessity of interconnection with relatives and good friends. As for presents, they are recommendable because they deepen the interrelations and bring the hearts closer to each other. However, it is not right to give up necessities and social obligations just for luxuries.

It is not necessary for a present to be materially expensive, because a present has its moral meaning. A brave one, who will get a great reward from Allah, is he who breaks the idol of ignorance resting inside the souls and tries with high confidence to derive a good principle by giving a greater moral value to a present than its material value. A visit with smiles and nice words and some chocolates for the children is much better near Allah than a visit with carrying presents that overburden the backs, exhaust the selves, and empty the pockets! Rather it will have no reward from Allah because the gift was bought just for pride and showing off.

In a word, our society is in terrible need of a moral and cultural revolution to overturn many thoughts, one of which is “either to go with expensive presents or give up interrelations and mutual visits completely.”

FOR A BETTER FUTURE

My wife and I love each other but we often quarrel and we do not know how to solve our problem.

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Question: We are quarrelsome spouses. We love each other, but we do not know why we quarrel, and over very trivial things too. After that, we sit crying and then come to an agreement with each other. After sometime, we return to another quarrel. Our marital life is ridiculous, is it not? Sometimes I think of divorce, but then I regret and ask Allah to forgive me. I am confused, my wife is confused, and so are our children.

The answer: The most important factor in solving marital problems is for the spouses themselves to be determined to solve their problems. Without their intention and determination, they will not arrive at any solution at all. As for divorce, it is not the first nor is it the second solution, but it is the last of the last of solutions. Statistics have proven that those who hurry towards divorce, even in their new marriages their problems remain with them. You should be certain that unstudied divorce is not a suitable solution; rather, it will be a cause for bigger problems.

The best solution lies in following these instructions:

1. One should be quiet and have calm nerves. This is done by turning to Allah and remembering that man will be afflicted with the wrath of Allah if he submits to his fancy and desires. One should go to religious centers, talk with religious scholars and ethicists, and call to mind the horrible terrors of the afterlife. These things will have a great effect on man in encouraging him to find a suitable solution and carry it out.

2. One should be fair in disagreements. This is an important factor that leads to a solution. Both disagreeing sides have to pay close attention to this moral value that will lead them to the truth.

3. One should have an actual understanding of things; this means that spouses should know that life is not free from problems, disagreements, and differences of taste. Therefore, each one has to ignore the wrong the other side has done to him.

4. Disagreement in itself does not cause problems; rather, it is made by the methods each of the disagreeing sides takes in dealing with the disagreement. Hence, good and reasonable methods should be taken whenever there is a disagreement.

5. Let us learn how to listen to whoever disagrees with us! This principle helps the disagreeing spouses reduce the intensity of their disagreements, and they may, after that, discover that they have disagreed over a trivial thing.

6. Whenever we discover our fault and become certain that the other side is right, we must accept the truth and apologize and then discuss the details little by little.

7. Whatever the disagreement, alienation, and separation, spouses must not give up the joint duties and responsibilities that keep the family sound and safe, especially not those concerning their children. The experiences of quarrelsome spouses, who adhered to their joint responsibilities in spite of their disagreements, have proven that they, after a short time, agreed with each other and picked the sweet fruits of happiness and felicity.

8. Spouses should take sufficient time for thinking, for this helps to solve problems. Each one of the disagreeing spouses should sit privately, reviewing himself to discover his own mistakes and determining to repair his faults.

9. Spouses should not keep problems in mind except when trying to find a solution for it.

10. They should try to limit the problems and not relate these problems to previous ones, because limiting the problems helps to find easy solutions and achieve a happy marital life. Let us always remember that willpower and determination are the keys to these solutions and instructions. And on Allah let the believers rely!

FOR A BETTER FUTURE

How can we create tranquility and quiet time in our family life?

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Question: Noisiness, quarrels, and idle talking prevail in our family life. There is no moment of tranquility that allows us to rest and think quietly. The flame of disputation burns at everything and at every moment in our house. I can say that there is no ordinary word said in our house unless hundreds of words burst after it like splinters everywhere, and that does not even include the quarrels between the families of our relatives. Would you please show us the reasons and solutions for this destructive phenomenon?

The answer: First and foremost, let each one of your family members and relatives remember that his life is short, then how would it be if he spends it in quarreling and brings himself senility and death before time? Let them remember too that happiness comes in the boat of discernment, tranquility, delightfulness, and reasonability. Happiness does not approach a person or a family leading a disorderly life. If one loves his life, health, and happiness, surely he will not involve himself in troubles and idle disputations. I do not think that there is someone who knows this fact and does not abide by its conditions!

In order to avoid disputations and quarrels, each person who lives in this house should bear in mind the following points:

1. The house is a place of tranquility and peace of mind

2. When disputations and arguments begin, the more reasonable one from both sides is he who keeps silent, regardless of whatever the other side encroaches upon him

3. The subjects of disputations or the situations that take place during quarrels should not be revealed to those outside the house or to those who are not present when the quarrels take place

4. One should be satisfied and not pine for the blessings others have

5. One should be aware of the mentalities and the ways of thinking of others before dealing with them

6. One should avoid violence

7. One should avoid any differentiating in dealings with others when there is no excuse

8. The Qur’an and other supplications should be recited in the house, and on different occasions, religious meetings about Ahlul Bayt (a.s.) should be held

9. Gifts should be offered on occasions of joy

10. One should constantly be mentioning words praising Allah, such as (la ilaha illallah-there is no god but Allah), (la hawla wela quwwata illabillah-there is no power save in Allah), (alhamdu lillah-praise be to Allah), (astaghfirullah-I ask Allah to forgive me), (aamantu billah-I have believed in Allah), (tawakkaltu alallah-I have relied on Allah), (ya Allah- O Allah), (ya raheem- O Merciful), (ya haleem- O Clement), (ya ghafoor- O Forgiver), etc.

What may prevent family quarrels is if children heed the following points in regards to their parents:

1. They should respect their parents and not raise their voices before them.

2. They should acknowledge the fact that their parents do not wish anything for them save goodness and success.

3. They should be patient with their parents whenever the parents unintentionally make a mistake, especially since we know that because of the pressures of life, parents may sometimes do unwelcome things towards their children but they definitely do not intend to harm them.

4. They should provide their parents with financial assistance before they declare their need, and then they should not remind them of that as a favor to them.

5. They should not ask their parents for what they cannot provide, especially when it comes to buying some things.

6. They should greet them courteously and always ask about their health.

7. They should try their best to treat them when they are ill.

8. They should provide them with all of what they need in the house.

As for the behaviors of parents towards their children, they are as follows:

1. They should care a great deal for the religious education and modern scientific learning of their children.

2. They should praise their children in the presence of others.

3. They should satisfy all their needs as much as they possibly can.

4. They should treat them with love, kindness, mercy, and smiles.

5. They should be friends with them.

6. They should not beat them except when it becomes necessary in order to educate them.

7. They should not insult them in the presence of others.

8. They should give them some pocket money.

9. They should buy them good books and encourage them to read more and more.

10. They should watch their relations with others.

11. They should teach them Islamic teachings and the true beliefs.

12. They should accompany them to picnics and travel with them if it is possible.

13. They should encourage them to learn swimming, archery, and handicrafts.

14. They should marry them to suitable spouses at the suitable time.

I would like to build my family on sound bases according to Islamic teachings. What is the guiding principle to achieve this goal?

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Question: I would like to build my family on sound bases according to Islamic teachings. What is the guiding principle to achieve this goal?

The answer: First, you should know the features of a good family and those of a bad family, and then you can decide which of the respective features to follow.

The features of a good family are as follows:

1. The absence or fewness of controversies between the members of the family, especially between the husband and the wife

2. The parents’ being as a successful example for their children through their conducts and thoughts

3. Observance of religious occasions, both the happy and sorrowful ones, and also of family occasions, like birthdays, as much as possible

4. Exchanging visits with good people and especially with relatives

5. Communal meetings with interactive discussions, jokes, and narrations of amusing incidents

6. Satisfaction of the material needs of all family members such as clothes, food, shelter, and others, besides the moral needs like love, sympathy, care, respect, and the like

The features of a bad family are as follows:

1. Always or often criticizing and disparaging each other and not respecting or encouraging each other

2. Looking at problems from a pessimistic view, as if they are not experiments from which success can be derived

3. Excessively watching others and suspecting every behavior of the family members

4. The dictatorship of the responsible member in the family and his autocracy in making all decisions

5. Cold relationship between the husband and the wife, while the children live in separation and with bad relations

6. Not reciprocating visits with relatives and other people

Of course, you may not find a family with all the ideal qualities, but you should try your best to raise the moral level of your family to be as near the ideal qualities as possible. When you find a good family, try to become acquainted with it and cooperate together to reach the required level of sound social relations. Beware of being ideal theoretically because reality has its own area that is narrower than in theories.

Generally speaking, to achieve your goal, you should try to achieve the following four points as Imam Ali (a.s.) said, ‘There are four things that bring happiness to man: a good wife, dutiful children, good friends, and living in one’s own country.’

FOR A BETTER FUTURE

My husband has always openly said that he does not love me and stays with me only for our children and now I do not love him anymore and am very unhappy; what should I do?

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Question: I am a mother of three girls and two boys. This is the production of twenty years of my marriage, which my husband openly describes as being a bad choice. He says that he stays with me just for the sake of the children. He does not feel any love towards me as his wife. He is sad and nervous. He insinuates that he wants to get married to a girl that matches his ambition. Now, after my hopeless attempts, I have become like him. I do not feel a deep love for him. I have lost my patience. I do not know what my fate or the fate of my children will be. I cry when I am alone. Does my crying solve my problem or could you show me a solution that would take me near happiness and success with my husband?
 
The answer: To have a happy marital life, one should think deeply before getting married. One should think of the culture, ambition, wishes, and morals of the other person to whom one wants to get married. Without that, life will be full of troubles and sufferings as you suffer now. This is the problem of most of those who get married just to satisfy their lusts; they do not think of what will happen when the lust extinguishes and children come.

Now, let us think of a solution on the basis of “something is better than nothing.” We suggest that you should:

1. care for yourself by using adornments, perfumes, attractive clothes, and nice (unaffected) words even at ordinary times.

2. care for whatever he is interested in, because this is the key to get to his heart.

3. read more about Islamic culture in general, the Holy Qur’an, and supplications because knowledge relieves the heart and guides to the right way.

4. show love to him and to your children and pay careful attention to the sacred instinct of motherhood so that he may understand that you are ready to tolerate every difficulty for the sake of the happiness of the family, of which you and your husband are two inseparable parts.

5. be smiling and ease the atmosphere in the house with jokes and delightful comments. You should not say that what he has done to you has killed this spirit in you and beware of being desperate!

6. not scold him if he insinuates that he wants to get married to a second wife because he will be more stubborn until he achieves what he wants just to avenge his personality.

7. Lastly, supposing he does achieve his second marriage, you should continue acting according to the aforementioned points as if no difficult matter has happened. In other words, you should convince yourself with the reality. Between you and the other woman, who has the right to live her marital life with your husband, there are certain rights and duties that have been determined by the wise Islamic Sharia. Therefore, do not let the Satan throw you into jealousy against the verdicts of Islam, for then you would destroy your religion and lose your life and afterlife. Life is too short and temporary and it is not worth being selfish or wasting time in troubles.

You should realize that when it is difficult for some men to be alone with their wives, either because they have old children or too many guests come too often or the like, they begin thinking of another marriage for some reasons, the first of which is to satisfy their sexual lusts. I do not know whether your husband or your circumstances in the house are like this or not. The assessment is up to you.

Besides all this, I have a word to say to your husband and I hope he will read it with his mind and not with his desires. I would like to say:

Dear brother, I do not doubt that you look forward to a happy and easy life for there is no reasonable person on earth who wants the opposite, not even the scoundrels! Then, try to ponder on your state through answering the following questions:

1. How will you benefit if you destroy your life and get married to another wife? Will your conscience leave you free to be happy with the second wife while you have destroyed the first one?

2. What will you lose if you remain with your wife and children and stay satisfied with your fate?

3. Suppose that you get married to another wife, will you be able to treat your two wives equally and fairly?

After this, I invite you both to think of the following principles and agree, according to them, on what brings you happiness.

1. Be certain that Allah does not determine anything unless it has an advantage for man that most of the time is hidden to him, and when it appears to him, he thanks Allah for not fulfilling his wish, which he had wished for but was not granted.

2. This world and its pleasures are transient and man’s age is too short for him to achieve all his wishes. How many young people are there upon whom accidents come unexpectedly and cut the rope of their hopes and wishes!

3. The value of man is in his good deeds that lead him to Paradise, which has the everlasting bliss that no eye has ever seen, no ear heard, and no mind imagined.

4. It is great for a man to leave behind him after his death a nice picture about himself. This nice picture is contingent on one’s good morals and his respecting others’ rights, which makes others pray to Allah to reward him with good. Will the soul have a pleasure greater than this?

What is the Islamic view regarding belief in magic and paying attention to it?

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Question: My wife and some of my relatives believe in magic, jugglery, and the like. I did not believe in this and I would often say to them that they lived in superstitions. However, a little time ago, I began coming nearer to their beliefs when I saw some signs and heard some stories. What is the view of Islam regarding this matter, to which some Muslim families and communities and even some western people pay a great deal of attention, to a degree that they associate their unhappiness and wretchedness or happiness and success to it?

The answer: Magic and its likes, such as divination, jugglery, conjuration, and employing the jinn for bad purposes, are prohibited in Islam because they are based on lying, cheating, ill-gotten moneys, and neglecting reason and religion. There is no doubt that magic has an external influence on some people of weak, diseased hearts and much illusion. Allah says, (…they taught men sorcery… and from these two (angels) people learn that by which they cause division between man and wife; but they injure thereby no one save by Allah’s permission).

The wisdom of prohibiting magic is that when Allah the Almighty created man, He honored him with reason and invited him to use reason to build his life according to its guidance, whereas magic and other things like it contradict the high divine goal and make man and society live in ignorance and illusion away from the truth and the real facts.

Islam has contended against magic and declared that a magician must be killed if he does not repent. The money gained from magic is unlawful. Teaching magic, learning it, and taking wages for it are all unlawful.

Imam as-Sadiq (a.s.) said, ‘He, who learns something of magic whether little or much, disbelieves…’

Imam Ali (a.s.) said, ‘A diviner is like a fortune-teller, and a fortune-teller is like a magician, and a magician is like an unbeliever, and the unbeliever will be in Fire.’

If magic and its likes had no harmful effects, Islam would not have prohibited them. We do not say that magic has no effects, but one must seek the protection of Allah the Almighty from magic and its bad effects. Allah says in His Book, (So when they cast down, Musa (Moses) said to them: What you have brought is magic; surely Allah will make it naught; surely Allah does not make the work of mischief-makers to thrive. And Allah will show the truth to be the truth by His words, though the guilty may be averse (to it)).

This verse and what happened to Prophet Moses (a.s.) with the magicians shows that magic was practiced by the followers of the Devils, but Allah curbed it so that its influence would not reach those who believed and relied on Allah sincerely such as Prophet Moses (a.s.) and the believers whom the influence of magic and jugglery did not affect.

We conclude that when man believes in Allah with sincerity and certainty, magic and its like will not have any influence over him. If magic was able to have influence over anyone, the devils from the human beings and the jinn would do to the believers whatever they liked; however, we find the believers stronger than them, and, moreover, they are able to even annul the effects of magic on others by reciting some Qur’anic verses and certain supplications, through which they strengthen the spirit of a bewitched one and help him overcome the magic and the magician.

Dear brother, herein, I recommend you, your wife, your relatives, and whoever else experiences these fears with the following:

1. Connect yourselves to Allah sincerely, abide by the legal obligations, refrain from unlawful things, always be pure and always busy yourselves with the remembrance of Allah! Thus, you will protect yourselves from the evil whisperings of the Satan, from magic, and from every evil doing of man and the Devils.

2. Keep these ideas away from your minds as if they do not exist! Thinking of these matters in itself prepares the ground for such illusions and makes the soul fertile to receive misfortunes.

3. Try to keep away from enmities and from those who would use unlawful means to harm you!

4. Beware of those who deal with what are called “unusual sciences”, for they look forward to your money before they think of your treatment!

5. Always recite the Holy Qur’an and the supplications of Ahlul Bayt (a.s.) inside your houses, and especially the ziyara of al-Jami’a al-Kabira, the ziyara of Ashura, the tradition of al-Kisa’, the Verse of al-Kursi (2:255) five times, and “astaghfirullah” (I ask Allah to forgive me) seventy times!

FOR A BETTER FUTURE

Is it wrong to reveal to my daughter, upon her request, the sins of her mother that led to our divorce?

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Question: I divorced my wife twenty years ago. Recently, my daughter, who is married, asked me why I divorced her mother. I was confused as to how to answer her. After she repeatedly insisted, I told her that one day I saw her mother commit adultery with my friend who used to visit me in the house. I beat him severely until he fled from me, and then I immediately divorced her mother. I am regretful that I uncovered this secret to my daughter. Am I sinful before Allah and mistaken in my frank answer, for her mother may have repented after that?

The answer: You would have been better off to cover the sin of your wife, for Allah is the Coverer of defects. By your frank answer, you have placed a thick wall between your daughter and her mother who might have repented (God willing), and furthermore, you have made your daughter live with worry about her reputation and suffer continuous psychological suffering, fearing that her mother might be exposed one day. This is a kind of injustice. You could have covered the matter if you had answered wisely.

A Muslim must prefer the principle of covering and being indifferent of others’ defects, except when there is a greater advantage like in reforming or warning. In some traditions, it has been narrated that whoever covers the defects of others Allah will cover him.

As for marital treason, it may happen to anyone besides you; therefore, its causes must be known to prevent the tragedy and its bad consequences from occurring. Being unveiled, incitements, ballrooms, cinemas, movies, and videos, for example, are among the most important causes for committing this sin. Besides this, when some husbands bring their friends to their houses and their wives participate in those meetings with poor veiling, exciting laughter, speaking softly followed by suspicious looks and desires of touching, traitors and traitresses (curse be upon them and upon whoever paves the way for treason) are encouraged to commit their great sin when the simple-minded husband is absent.

What is the guilt of the innocent daughter who lives away from her mother and father? When this daughter grows up, she looks for the reasons why she has been deprived of the warmth of her parents.

Why do people not think of the consequences of their violating the Islamic Sharia?

Yes, for these reasons, Islam has prohibited such preliminaries and imposed the veil, abstinence, and modesty on Muslims.

FOR A BETTER FUTURE