Archive for month: June, 2016

Question: My wife does not visit our relatives or my friends’ wives, because she dislikes visiting them without taking presents with her to give them. Unfortunately, the presents she thinks of are not cheap, and my financial state does not allow me to buy such presents. What would you suggest?

The answer: This kind of thinking results from the influence of worldly cultures, which have prevailed over the life of people and made them forget their religious culture. The worldly life always exhausts people, separates them from each other, and deprives them of their happiness and joy. It was so and is still so, but people still do not take lessons.

Islam has emphasized the necessity of interconnection with relatives and good friends. As for presents, they are recommendable because they deepen the interrelations and bring the hearts closer to each other. However, it is not right to give up necessities and social obligations just for luxuries.

It is not necessary for a present to be materially expensive, because a present has its moral meaning. A brave one, who will get a great reward from Allah, is he who breaks the idol of ignorance resting inside the souls and tries with high confidence to derive a good principle by giving a greater moral value to a present than its material value. A visit with smiles and nice words and some chocolates for the children is much better near Allah than a visit with carrying presents that overburden the backs, exhaust the selves, and empty the pockets! Rather it will have no reward from Allah because the gift was bought just for pride and showing off.

In a word, our society is in terrible need of a moral and cultural revolution to overturn many thoughts, one of which is “either to go with expensive presents or give up interrelations and mutual visits completely.”

FOR A BETTER FUTURE

Question: Noisiness, quarrels, and idle talking prevail in our family life. There is no moment of tranquility that allows us to rest and think quietly. The flame of disputation burns at everything and at every moment in our house. I can say that there is no ordinary word said in our house unless hundreds of words burst after it like splinters everywhere, and that does not even include the quarrels between the families of our relatives. Would you please show us the reasons and solutions for this destructive phenomenon?

The answer: First and foremost, let each one of your family members and relatives remember that his life is short, then how would it be if he spends it in quarreling and brings himself senility and death before time? Let them remember too that happiness comes in the boat of discernment, tranquility, delightfulness, and reasonability. Happiness does not approach a person or a family leading a disorderly life. If one loves his life, health, and happiness, surely he will not involve himself in troubles and idle disputations. I do not think that there is someone who knows this fact and does not abide by its conditions!

In order to avoid disputations and quarrels, each person who lives in this house should bear in mind the following points:

1. The house is a place of tranquility and peace of mind

2. When disputations and arguments begin, the more reasonable one from both sides is he who keeps silent, regardless of whatever the other side encroaches upon him

3. The subjects of disputations or the situations that take place during quarrels should not be revealed to those outside the house or to those who are not present when the quarrels take place

4. One should be satisfied and not pine for the blessings others have

5. One should be aware of the mentalities and the ways of thinking of others before dealing with them

6. One should avoid violence

7. One should avoid any differentiating in dealings with others when there is no excuse

8. The Qur’an and other supplications should be recited in the house, and on different occasions, religious meetings about Ahlul Bayt (a.s.) should be held

9. Gifts should be offered on occasions of joy

10. One should constantly be mentioning words praising Allah, such as (la ilaha illallah-there is no god but Allah), (la hawla wela quwwata illabillah-there is no power save in Allah), (alhamdu lillah-praise be to Allah), (astaghfirullah-I ask Allah to forgive me), (aamantu billah-I have believed in Allah), (tawakkaltu alallah-I have relied on Allah), (ya Allah- O Allah), (ya raheem- O Merciful), (ya haleem- O Clement), (ya ghafoor- O Forgiver), etc.

What may prevent family quarrels is if children heed the following points in regards to their parents:

1. They should respect their parents and not raise their voices before them.

2. They should acknowledge the fact that their parents do not wish anything for them save goodness and success.

3. They should be patient with their parents whenever the parents unintentionally make a mistake, especially since we know that because of the pressures of life, parents may sometimes do unwelcome things towards their children but they definitely do not intend to harm them.

4. They should provide their parents with financial assistance before they declare their need, and then they should not remind them of that as a favor to them.

5. They should not ask their parents for what they cannot provide, especially when it comes to buying some things.

6. They should greet them courteously and always ask about their health.

7. They should try their best to treat them when they are ill.

8. They should provide them with all of what they need in the house.

As for the behaviors of parents towards their children, they are as follows:

1. They should care a great deal for the religious education and modern scientific learning of their children.

2. They should praise their children in the presence of others.

3. They should satisfy all their needs as much as they possibly can.

4. They should treat them with love, kindness, mercy, and smiles.

5. They should be friends with them.

6. They should not beat them except when it becomes necessary in order to educate them.

7. They should not insult them in the presence of others.

8. They should give them some pocket money.

9. They should buy them good books and encourage them to read more and more.

10. They should watch their relations with others.

11. They should teach them Islamic teachings and the true beliefs.

12. They should accompany them to picnics and travel with them if it is possible.

13. They should encourage them to learn swimming, archery, and handicrafts.

14. They should marry them to suitable spouses at the suitable time.

Question: I am a mother of three girls and two boys. This is the production of twenty years of my marriage, which my husband openly describes as being a bad choice. He says that he stays with me just for the sake of the children. He does not feel any love towards me as his wife. He is sad and nervous. He insinuates that he wants to get married to a girl that matches his ambition. Now, after my hopeless attempts, I have become like him. I do not feel a deep love for him. I have lost my patience. I do not know what my fate or the fate of my children will be. I cry when I am alone. Does my crying solve my problem or could you show me a solution that would take me near happiness and success with my husband?
 
The answer: To have a happy marital life, one should think deeply before getting married. One should think of the culture, ambition, wishes, and morals of the other person to whom one wants to get married. Without that, life will be full of troubles and sufferings as you suffer now. This is the problem of most of those who get married just to satisfy their lusts; they do not think of what will happen when the lust extinguishes and children come.

Now, let us think of a solution on the basis of “something is better than nothing.” We suggest that you should:

1. care for yourself by using adornments, perfumes, attractive clothes, and nice (unaffected) words even at ordinary times.

2. care for whatever he is interested in, because this is the key to get to his heart.

3. read more about Islamic culture in general, the Holy Qur’an, and supplications because knowledge relieves the heart and guides to the right way.

4. show love to him and to your children and pay careful attention to the sacred instinct of motherhood so that he may understand that you are ready to tolerate every difficulty for the sake of the happiness of the family, of which you and your husband are two inseparable parts.

5. be smiling and ease the atmosphere in the house with jokes and delightful comments. You should not say that what he has done to you has killed this spirit in you and beware of being desperate!

6. not scold him if he insinuates that he wants to get married to a second wife because he will be more stubborn until he achieves what he wants just to avenge his personality.

7. Lastly, supposing he does achieve his second marriage, you should continue acting according to the aforementioned points as if no difficult matter has happened. In other words, you should convince yourself with the reality. Between you and the other woman, who has the right to live her marital life with your husband, there are certain rights and duties that have been determined by the wise Islamic Sharia. Therefore, do not let the Satan throw you into jealousy against the verdicts of Islam, for then you would destroy your religion and lose your life and afterlife. Life is too short and temporary and it is not worth being selfish or wasting time in troubles.

You should realize that when it is difficult for some men to be alone with their wives, either because they have old children or too many guests come too often or the like, they begin thinking of another marriage for some reasons, the first of which is to satisfy their sexual lusts. I do not know whether your husband or your circumstances in the house are like this or not. The assessment is up to you.

Besides all this, I have a word to say to your husband and I hope he will read it with his mind and not with his desires. I would like to say:

Dear brother, I do not doubt that you look forward to a happy and easy life for there is no reasonable person on earth who wants the opposite, not even the scoundrels! Then, try to ponder on your state through answering the following questions:

1. How will you benefit if you destroy your life and get married to another wife? Will your conscience leave you free to be happy with the second wife while you have destroyed the first one?

2. What will you lose if you remain with your wife and children and stay satisfied with your fate?

3. Suppose that you get married to another wife, will you be able to treat your two wives equally and fairly?

After this, I invite you both to think of the following principles and agree, according to them, on what brings you happiness.

1. Be certain that Allah does not determine anything unless it has an advantage for man that most of the time is hidden to him, and when it appears to him, he thanks Allah for not fulfilling his wish, which he had wished for but was not granted.

2. This world and its pleasures are transient and man’s age is too short for him to achieve all his wishes. How many young people are there upon whom accidents come unexpectedly and cut the rope of their hopes and wishes!

3. The value of man is in his good deeds that lead him to Paradise, which has the everlasting bliss that no eye has ever seen, no ear heard, and no mind imagined.

4. It is great for a man to leave behind him after his death a nice picture about himself. This nice picture is contingent on one’s good morals and his respecting others’ rights, which makes others pray to Allah to reward him with good. Will the soul have a pleasure greater than this?

Question: I divorced my wife twenty years ago. Recently, my daughter, who is married, asked me why I divorced her mother. I was confused as to how to answer her. After she repeatedly insisted, I told her that one day I saw her mother commit adultery with my friend who used to visit me in the house. I beat him severely until he fled from me, and then I immediately divorced her mother. I am regretful that I uncovered this secret to my daughter. Am I sinful before Allah and mistaken in my frank answer, for her mother may have repented after that?

The answer: You would have been better off to cover the sin of your wife, for Allah is the Coverer of defects. By your frank answer, you have placed a thick wall between your daughter and her mother who might have repented (God willing), and furthermore, you have made your daughter live with worry about her reputation and suffer continuous psychological suffering, fearing that her mother might be exposed one day. This is a kind of injustice. You could have covered the matter if you had answered wisely.

A Muslim must prefer the principle of covering and being indifferent of others’ defects, except when there is a greater advantage like in reforming or warning. In some traditions, it has been narrated that whoever covers the defects of others Allah will cover him.

As for marital treason, it may happen to anyone besides you; therefore, its causes must be known to prevent the tragedy and its bad consequences from occurring. Being unveiled, incitements, ballrooms, cinemas, movies, and videos, for example, are among the most important causes for committing this sin. Besides this, when some husbands bring their friends to their houses and their wives participate in those meetings with poor veiling, exciting laughter, speaking softly followed by suspicious looks and desires of touching, traitors and traitresses (curse be upon them and upon whoever paves the way for treason) are encouraged to commit their great sin when the simple-minded husband is absent.

What is the guilt of the innocent daughter who lives away from her mother and father? When this daughter grows up, she looks for the reasons why she has been deprived of the warmth of her parents.

Why do people not think of the consequences of their violating the Islamic Sharia?

Yes, for these reasons, Islam has prohibited such preliminaries and imposed the veil, abstinence, and modesty on Muslims.

FOR A BETTER FUTURE

Question: I imitate (follow) a religious authority (mujtahid) that I have chosen by my will after I have read his Islamic thoughts, which comply with the present age. There are millions who imitate him all over the world.

My wife agreed to marry me even though she knew about this matter (my choice of mujtahid). But now, a year after our marriage, she asks for me to either imitate the mujtahid she imitates or for me to divorce her. Before this request, we used to discuss the matter a lot. I did not imagine that someday it would deserve to be discussed to this extent or that it would be a cause for wasting our time and annoying our nerves besides that it might be a cause for divorce!

In the beginning, I paid no attention to her request. I heard from one of her relatives that she had known, since the beginning of our marriage, about my imitating this mujtahid but she had said that she would be able to make me change. Now, after her attempts have failed, she comes to me asking me to divorce her.

I am confused and indignant at the same time. I am confused as to what I should prefer; should I submit to this stickling wife who asks for an illegal and inhumane thing or should I submit to the destruction of my marital life and the wealth I have spent in establishing this life?

I am indignant too because I thought that religion was a means of happiness and mental comfort for man, but why do those who ascribe to themselves religion and call themselves Ulama’ throw their ignorant followers into fanaticism? By doing so, they distort the truth of religion and the fame of the good Ulama’ and mujtahids and destroy the happiness of man. Why do the honorable religious authorities and scholars not deny these calamities, which deal deathblows?

I heard about such a matter that happened or caused marital disagreements, but I did not expect that it would happen to me.

Why do some speakers stress the disagreements and political disputes between some religious authorities and leaders while praising their own leaders and exalting them to the level of infallibility and charismata? Why do they think that no one is good besides them and that those who do not adopt their opinions are deviates and misled?

For what is this extremism? Whereto do these persons want us to get with their narrow-mindedness? Has the time not come yet for our authorities to fight these mockeries, which are practiced under the pretence of supporting the religious authorities themselves? I apologize for violating the decorum of politeness. Please, excuse me if I was somewhat harsh in my speech! There is no power save in Allah, the Exalted, the Great.

The answer: Dear brother, I find you right, wronged, and calling for reform. These are the qualities of one who does not leave the true religion just because the pretenders have practically left it.

May Allah bless your faith, certainty, and taqlid. I pray to Allah to bless your marriage and your patience too. Allah always blesses the intentions of the sincere people because He has promised that He will not waste the reward of good doers.

Dear brother, this problem is one of the results of entering into the world of politics without having an immunity of piety in the heart. The manifestations of piety that do not come from the heart are too many! The philosophy of these manifestations is that man is to be tried and then he either becomes more faithful or he perishes along the way. Without being tried, man shall not attain the high degrees of Paradise nor shall he be thrown into the abyss of Hell. May Allah protect you, us, and all the Muslims from the flame of Hell and the moaning of its inhabitants.

You should know that when piety abides in the heart, immunity, which resists the prevailing of envy, fanaticism, injustice, oppression, superiority complex, and the omitting of others from the religious and social stations of activities, will be born.

I wish that those people would at least once in their lives ponder over the speech of Imam Ali (a.s.) about the qualities of the pious people. Piety, as the master of the pious Imam Ali (a.s.) explained to his companion Humam who flew high towards his lofty goal longing for Paradise and fearing the Fire, is the required immunity for every true Shia. If anyone finds this piety inside him, let him enter any field to which his legal duty guides him, whether the field of culture, trade, politics, war, family, sitting in loneliness, or at the table of negotiations. However, this piety has disappeared from the lives of many people in our present age and so their lives have entered into the darkness of injustice; sometimes it is the injustice of the husband to his wife, the wife to her husband, the parents to their children, the members of the family to each other, or the neighbor to his neighbor and sometimes it is the injustice of the government to its people, the people to their leaders, or countries to each other, and so forth. I ask: can he, who is unjust to others, defeat injustice?

There are many Qur’anic verses and prophetic traditions that have warned Muslims of injustice. The Prophet (S) said, ‘Beware of injustice, for it is the darkness of the Day of Resurrection!’

About party spirits the Prophet (S) said, ‘He who is fanatic fanaticizes will take off the noose of faith from his neck.’

In some books I have written about denying fanaticism and disagreements, especially concerning the religious authorities. The most important thing that I have written criticizing this phenomenon and giving curative alternatives you can read in my book (Stories and Ideas from the moralities of Clergymen). In more than 700 pages of the book you will find important instructions about this concern that you and your wife can both benefit from. You can also refer to our books in general where we have tried to treat this destructive disease through Qur’anic verses and the instructions of the Prophet (S) and Ahlul Bayt (a.s.). I pray to Allah to make us succeed in treating our intellectual, mental, familial, and social diseases or in limiting them.

(He said: O my people! have you considered if I have a clear proof from my Lord and He has given me a goodly sustenance from Himself, and I do not desire that in opposition to you I should betake myself to that which I forbid you: I desire nothing but reform so far as I am able, and with none but Allah is the direction of my affair to a right issue; on Him do I rely and to Him do I turn).

The reform that all disputers feign has certain morals and principles, the head of which is piety as Imam Ali (a.s.) said in one of his traditions. With true piety and by knowing its criteria, man can understand the limits of truth and falsehood in all cases.

Imam Ali (a.s.) said, ‘Does it please you that you are from the triumphant party of Allah? Fear Allah the Almighty and do good in all your affairs, because Allah is with those who guard against evil and those who do good (to others).’

The Prophet (S) recommended Abu Tharr by saying, ‘O Abu Tharr, in working with piety be more careful than your care for work.’

However, we find that most of the fanatics who feign religiousness are enthusiastic in their actions but inattentive in their positions with regards to piety and to what the Holy Qur’an has said, (Allah only accepts from those who guard (against evil)).

Dear faithful brother, be pious and let your worships and situations be sincere to Allah to receive His great contentment!

Politics, presidency, fame, praises, and lifting pictures without piety or the acceptance of Allah are but mirages leading to perishment.

I know some persons who expended their efforts in boyish disputes and quarrels that turned the happiness of some spouses into unhappiness and began spreading rumors against whoever disagreed with them in thought until they set the fire of disagreements and quarrels. However, some of them changed their positions after they realized that the facts could not be seen in the dust of the quarrels and the smoke of disagreements.

I hope that those who come after us will take a lesson from this historic period, whose bad deeds have eaten away its good deeds. I hope they will not intrude on each other and kill their powers and abilities over trivial things. Let us heed this advice from our pure leaders of Ahlul Bayt (a.s.) who said, ‘Strive and make every effort! If you do not do so, then do not disobey. Whoever builds and does not tear down, his building will rise even if it is simple, and whoever builds and tears down, his building will not rise.’

I wonder at the followers of different religious authorities who defy death in their disputes!

These authorities differ in opinions because they are mujtahids, and the legal duty of any mujtahid is to stick to his own opinion; otherwise he will be an imitator of other than himself. However, the blame is on the followers; why do they dispute, on which basis do they quarrel, and by what right do they exchange names against the names of the mujtahids!

We are proud of all of our mujtahids, and we tell the world that we believe in freedom of opinion and our evidence of that is the multiplicity of opinions of our mujtahids. Is it not wrong for the followers to deform this shining face of the freedom of Ijtihad  in our Hawzas?

You can see in the following one of the situations when our mujtahids disagree in opinion and how nicely they deal with each other. One of the great Ulama’, who has written many books and accompanied many mujtahids in Iran, told me that in the beginning of the year 1962 AD, and before the uprising of Khurdad took place in Iran, when Imam Khomeini (may Allah have mercy on him) began increasing his criticism against the extinct regime of the Shah, the great Ayatullah al-Akhond al-Hamadani thought that the position of Imam Khomeini would not serve the goal that Imam Khomeini intended; therefore, he sent Sheikh Abdurraheem, the teller of this story, to Imam Khomeini to tell him word by word: “Al-Akhond al-Hamadani sends you his greetings and says to you, ‘O Abu Tharr, slowly, slowly!’”

Sheikh Abdurraheem said, ‘I went to the meeting where Imam Khomeini was giving his lecture. After he finished his lecture, I went out after him and waited for him to be alone so I could deliver the oral message to him, without allowing it to fall into the trap of spies or being heard by any of his attendants because the message was special. I followed him until he stopped near the tomb of the late mujtahid Ayatullah Sayyid al-Buroojerdi to recite the sura of al-Fatiha for him. I seized the opportunity, approached him, and told him the phrase as it was, no more no less. Imam Khomeini replied to me saying, ‘Send him my greetings and say to him: O Salman, rise, rise!’

Dear reader, notice how these mujtahids respected each other. Al-Akhond al-Hamadani addressed Imam Khomeini as “Abu Tharr” because Imam Khomeini was revolutionary in his actions like Abu Tharr was and did not submit to injustice and deviation. Imam Khomeini addressed al-Akhond al-Hamadani in his reply as “O Salman!” He compared him to Salman al-Farsi in his steadfastness, devotedness, and asceticism. Both Abu Tharr and Salman were great companions of the Prophet (S); they might have been different in their situations but with no enmity to each other, rather each of them had his own opinions according to the area of his legal duty. In the same way, those who bore the similitudes of Abu Tharr and Salman sent each other highly polite messages within the morals of Islam although they were different in analyzing the situations and different in their opinions.

At the same time when you see our mujtahids have the morals of the first companions, you see those who pretend to be their followers have the morals of other than them.

Is this the right line of Islam, which Imam Khomeini and other mujtahids wanted and made great efforts throughout their lives to serve?

Yes, there are mistakes, but they are distributed amongst all. No one can be proud that he is free from mistakes or defects. No one is infallible. Since it is so, let each side keep silent! They should not provoke each other or criticize each other baselessly, for ultimately the two sides would lose.

Therefore, each one should act according to the mujtahid whom Islamic freedom has permitted to be imitated and followed. Let the youths undertake legal responsibility with all its moral dimensions. This is the method we impart in our instructions, as we have received from the Holy Qur’an, the conducts of the Prophet (S) and his guiding progeny (a.s.), the events of history, and our experiences in this age.

Acting according to this method requires some important steps:

1. Acquiring knowledge and information by continuously reciting the Qur’an and reading its interpretation, reading traditions and their meanings, and reading good books published by this Islamic school

2. Heartily concentrating on achieving the good end

3. Watching one’s deeds to serve that very goal

4. Respecting others even if they are dissenters

5. Observing equanimity, solidity, morality and gravity

6. Being certain of the truthfulness or falseness of any news that comes to one’s ear

7. Improving one’s mental and intellectual abilities and all the means leading to Islamic goals, and this requires paying attention to these listed steps and also avoiding selfishness and dictatorship

8. Being courageous in taking decisions to change what one has accustomed himself to

9. Complying oneself with news events and being aware of contemporary issues

10. Always praying to Allah for success and being humble to the truth

Dear brother, with these points in mind, I hope your wife will return to her reason. If she is sincere to her religion, she should ask the mujtahid whom she imitates to give her a fatwa. I am sure that he will deny her situation, and ask her to be reasonable and live in peace with her husband.

FOR A BETTER FUTURE